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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Male teacher STILL making toilet pass dd wait , what next?!

135 replies

Flooding · 23/04/2019 14:27

I've posted about this before.
DD has a toilet pass both for bladder and dysmenorrhoea/flooding.
She is on medication for both.

I have actually complained three times now on different levels as she is either being stopped from going, argued with for ten minutes about why she shouldn't go or made to wait until someone else comes back (even though toilets are individual cubicles on to the corridor near reception like disabled toilets so not like they can mess about.

I've even checked there is no concern about her going when she doesn't need to and there's not.

DD has also let slip that she doesn't like to go at break even when she does need to go then because the boys have figured how to open the doors and push them open when staff aren't there.

I've complained formally already. I've been told all staff will be reminded and also the staff member will be spoken to.

What next?!

OP posts:
Sexnotgender · 23/04/2019 14:29

I’d speak to school governors. Totally unacceptable. I remember your last thread, your poor DD.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 23/04/2019 14:30

Tell her just to go with your blessing, and you will handle the fallout from the school. Short of locking the door, what can the teacher do? He cannot lay hands on her to prevent her. Would your DD be able to do that?

SarahTancredi · 23/04/2019 14:30

Move.

I dont think theres much left you can do.

Teacher sounds like that idiot kid who posted that video on you tube claiming girls should hold in their periods til they go to the toilet.

If they womt sack him I think.you need to find another school that take medical issues seriously

Traveler001 · 23/04/2019 14:38

Tell her to go up to him flash the pass and say I’m just going to the toilet and walk out of the classroom no matter what he says. Tell her you support her in doing this and won’t support any ‘punishment’ the school try to give her (eg detention) if they do.

Patchworksack · 23/04/2019 14:38

Write to headteacher again and I'd copy in chair of governors, citing the school's failure to make reasonable adjustments for her medical issues. I remember your last thread, it is beyond ridiculous that a young person with a pass for a recognised issue is treated like this.

havingtochangeusernameagain · 23/04/2019 14:40

Please tell her to leave the classroom when she needs to and you will deal with it.

He can rant and rave, it will make him look like the idiot, not her. She should simply walk out of the room. Is she allowed a mobile phone in school? Any difficulties, she can text you from the toilet.

Sometimes teachers don't get it right, and this is one of those times. I don't have a dd but I would teach her that it is never ok for a man to tell her that she can't use a toilet (or a woman really, but there is something particularly offensive to me about a man (in a position of power) dictating to women about what they can and can't do with their bodies).

havingtochangeusernameagain · 23/04/2019 14:41

In fact maybe you should print off this thread and give it to your dd to give to the teacher. Maybe THEN he will get the message!

TheMerryWidow1 · 23/04/2019 14:41

is this the same teacher stopping her everytime? If yes I'd be tempted to go and speak to him directly, or is that not allowed nowadays? Poor DD.

Original poster
Flooding · 23/04/2019 14:43

She won't just go. There are other SEN and I've already told her to leave, go to the loo and then go to Senco and tell her why or leave go to the loo and then ring me and I'll ring school.

Moving isn't an option due to her school year.

I've no idea who the Governor's are. Will have to find out. Can't see the info on the website. Academies still have governors right?

OP posts:
Original poster
Flooding · 23/04/2019 14:45

Yes Merry , we've had issues with others before but when they have been told it's stopped. He just carries on. I literally went in and complained formally in a meeting just before Easter. Today is the first day she has had him since.

OP posts:
archivearmadillo · 23/04/2019 14:48

The boys openning the toilet doors at break impact badly on every girl (and probably some boys) in the school!

Do you know other mums of girls? Could you get friends to talk to their daughters and see whether they're all avoiding the toilets, with a likely knock on of avoiding hydrating and holding on too long - vastly increasing their risk of UTI s and decreasing ability to concentrate in class.

Is this a new set up with toilets the boys can access and open the doors to? How has it happened? Are boys going into the girls'toilets to peep at them or are they unisex toilets?

Either way your poor DD's health puts her at the highest risk but all the girls must be somewhat impacted by the fact they can't use the toilet at break without a risk of boys opening the cubicle doors.

Letter to governors ccing head asking for safeguarding impact assessment of toilet arrangements for girls, and simultaneously try to find out whether other mums of girls are aware and each thinking it's just their DD struggling. If it's a widespread issue a petition...

LazyLizzy · 23/04/2019 14:49

I would request an urgent meeting with this teacher.

I'd ask him why the hell he has it in for my DD. Does he not understand English? Maybe he's in the wrong job if he can't comprehend a simple request.

Becles · 23/04/2019 14:54

There are a couple of issues here

Yoir daughter is not using the toilet at break time so is always asking to go in lessons. Yes the teacher should let her go, but this is an issue that needs to be tackled by the school - otherwise your daughter is routinely disrupting lessons because the school has not ensured the toilets are safe to use.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 23/04/2019 14:56

If they womt sack him He wont be sacked for that.

viques · 23/04/2019 14:56

The words you need to be using are safeguarding, Ofsted, governing body, local press.

Original poster
Flooding · 23/04/2019 14:56

The toilets are individual cubicles to be used by boys and girls but completely enclosed like disabled toilets.
They are doing something to the outside which makes the lock open from what I can gather.
She said they haven't done it for a while but she's scared of going incase they do as she sometimes needs to clean and change herself.

OP posts:
TheMerryWidow1 · 23/04/2019 14:58

I feel for you and your daughter must be so frustrating and it doesn't take much to knock a youngster's confidence etc.

TheInvestigator · 23/04/2019 14:59

Go into the school right now and start kicking up a proper fuss. About both this teacher and the safety of female pupils in the toilets.

Ask the office for the school complaints procedure and governor details. That usually sets a bit of a fire under them.

Downthecanal · 23/04/2019 15:00

Yes I think I’d request a meeting with this male teacher to see what his problem is...

Original poster
Flooding · 23/04/2019 15:00

Becles she needs to go in lessons often anyway even if she has been at break. Both for bladder issues and because she has very very heavy periods and floods (she's on medication for this and has a lot of double lessons) and due to the bladder issues.
What used to happen was she would drink at break and then because of her medical issues would need the toilet urgently during lesson so she's just stopped drinking at break.

I appreciate it's annoying when she has to go in class but she has two medical conditions both medicated.

The boys and break thing is just an extra factor which makes it worse.

OP posts:
LarryGreysonsDoor · 23/04/2019 15:01

Not the ideal solution but can a friend go with her to stand outside the door?

Coronapop · 23/04/2019 15:02

I may have given this advice on your previous thread, but use the word safeguarding in any complaint as it is likely to make senior staff/Govs take more notice. Ask the HT/Govs why the teacher is not being formally disciplined for ignoring instructions.
If it is true that boys can open doors from outside (and many toilet doors can be so I believe it) then that is a serious safeguarding issue for all the girls, you could raise it with Ofsted as a safeguarding complaint, these are taken more seriously than other complaints that have not been through the local procedures.

Borntobedifferent · 23/04/2019 15:03

I would phone and ask for a meeting with that teacher and deal with him directly

viques · 23/04/2019 15:03

Do the toilet doors have those locks which can be opened from the outside in case of an emergency?

Clearly the children have cottoned on to this, it is not acceptable . I would expect a) the school to be dealing with children doing this very severely, probably with a minimum days exclusion at least for all those concerned, not just the one who opens the door but their little gang of bullies and b) reviewing the locks immediately.

I can understand why they want to have doors that can be opened in an emergency, that makes sense, but it must be possible to get locks that can be opened by a key, not a coin or a screwdriver.

99calmbeforethestorm · 23/04/2019 15:05

I would ask for appointment with the head teacher. Tell the gate keeper in the office that you have discussed this with the SENCO on x number of occasions and your child’s medical needs which the SENCO has agreed to are still not been meet. If you are refused a meeting with the head then ask them to post you a copy of the school’s complaints procedure.

From an ex teacher.