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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WE are pregnant.

170 replies

bridgetreilly · 29/03/2019 23:06

No. No you aren't.

SHE is pregnant and HE is not pregnant. It's not a joint enterprise. You are both expecting a baby, fine. But unless you are the one with the baby growing inside you, you are not pregnant. Not even a little bit.

OP posts:
Eatmycheese · 29/03/2019 23:08

It’s toe curling
YANBatallU

PinkiOcelot · 29/03/2019 23:08

YANBU. It’s barf inducing! We are pregnant is just yuck!!!

ijustdontunderstandher · 29/03/2019 23:09

I don’t understand it! Why not just say WE are having a baby!

Walkingdeadfangirl · 29/03/2019 23:10

Its just words FFS, they are both going to be parents. Why do you care what someone else calls it?

NewAccount270219 · 29/03/2019 23:10

It's absolutely vile but I have to say I've actually only ever heard of it in the context of 'awful things people say' - I've never heard anyone say it in all seriousness

MoaningMinniee · 29/03/2019 23:10

Actually it is a joint enterprise. It wouldn't have been possible without DP's contribution.

PortiaCastis · 29/03/2019 23:10

It's twee and vomit inducing
We are pregnant Confused nope she's pregnant not you mate

Aquamarine1029 · 29/03/2019 23:11

If my husband had also been pregnant, HE would have been the one to go through labour.

AnneLovesGilbert · 29/03/2019 23:11

Very annoying. But topped by a colleague who said of his wife delivering their baby: “we had no pain relief in labour” Angry

NewAccount270219 · 29/03/2019 23:11

Actually it is a joint enterprise. It wouldn't have been possible without DP's contribution.

Yes, which is why the couple are jointly 'having a baby' - but only the woman is doing the 'being pregnant' part of 'having a baby'

Original poster
bridgetreilly · 29/03/2019 23:11

It's not just words. It's appropriative. It's claiming that his experience is equivalent to hers. It's claiming that what's happening to her body is his.

OP posts:
LemonRedwood · 29/03/2019 23:12

Was watching something on tv the other day and a man was talking about his wife's pregnancy loss. It jumped out at me how he said, "We were pregnant" but then, "She lost the baby." It was really jarring.

TheCanyon · 29/03/2019 23:13

I don't get why people get so worked up about this? Clearly he isn't pregnant but whats wrong with a man being excited? Cant do fucking right for wrong

NewAccount270219 · 29/03/2019 23:13

But topped by a colleague who said of his wife delivering their baby: “we had no pain relief in labour”

AngryShockAngry

NewAccount270219 · 29/03/2019 23:14

Clearly he isn't pregnant but whats wrong with a man being excited?

DH was beyond excited about it when I was pregnant but he managed to convey this without claiming to be pregnant himself.

Tigger001 · 29/03/2019 23:14

Doesn't really bother me either way. If a couple are really happy and want to describe it like why not.

Friends of mine tried to conceive for years and when they found out they were expecting, they said "they" were pregnant. They were just so excited and the male, completely doted on pregnant wife, getting up through the night for any cravings, held hair with sickness all the "cringey" " toe curling " things that made them both very happy -

Whatsername7 · 29/03/2019 23:18

YABU to seriously get worked up about it. To me, it is the same as using 'less' when you mean 'fewer'. I highly doubt anyone ever said it in the context of appropriation, and, lets face it, the non-pregnant party within the couple would be shot down pretty fast if they claimed that the physical strains of pregnancy were shared.

keepforgettingmyusername · 29/03/2019 23:18

YANBU. Men can't get pregnant. Sounds like something those weird controlling partners who won't let their wife out of their sight for 10 minutes would say.

Whatsername7 · 29/03/2019 23:22

Furthermore, when I miscarried at 13 weeks, dh said 'we lost our baby'. He wasn't appropriating the physical experience of miscarriage, he was highly concious ofvthe fact that I went through it. He was just grieving the loss alongside me.

Swishswish26 · 29/03/2019 23:22

It literally makes me feel sick when couples say this. They can say they are expecting a child together but that’s all! I think only controlling men say that phrase.

notharryssally · 29/03/2019 23:23

I agree. But I've found myself saying it by accident and then cringing Blush Not 'we are pregnant' but 'if we get pregnant again'. I hate it so no idea why it pops out.

NewAccount270219 · 29/03/2019 23:26

Furthermore, when I miscarried at 13 weeks, dh said 'we lost our baby'.

But you both did lose a baby (for which I'm really sorry). I think it would have been very different if he'd said 'we had a miscarriage' but he didn't. No one is saying a man shouldn't say he's expecting a baby or feel part of the process, just that they aren't pregnant.

LimeKiwi · 29/03/2019 23:27

Absolutely vile? Really?! Can think of a lot of things absolutely vile and a couple having a longed for baby isn't up there!
Yeah yeah, technically the man isn't pregnant. If you've both been wanting to start a family, what's wrong with saying "yay, we're pregnant at last! Having a baby!"
Why nitpick? Why not just be happy?

Tympanic · 29/03/2019 23:27

My husband claims the traumatic labour and birth I went through was harder on him than it was for me. Not the same thing, but this thread definitely reminded me of that outrageously offensive suggestion.

burritofan · 29/03/2019 23:28

Oh it's so twee and grim. Our baby, yes, but my pregnancy.

Just had my antenatal health visitor visit and she had flash cards to pick topics to discuss – if you're in a relationship, they were all titled things like "Our pregnancy" and "Our labour". Like fuck is DP going to go through labour! Grrr.