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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What do you do if one child is grounded but other isn't?

251 replies

Fullofregrets33 · 03/03/2019 08:00

Morning. I am having a really rubbish weekend. My husband has grounded our son who is 7 for the weekend he has to play in his room and can't join us on visiting relatives, going the park, out for lunch etc.

Aibu to be really pissed off about this? Our kids are still young and I'm still getting to grips about what I think are suitable punishments for things. I think my husband has been too harsh this time and it has really spoilt our whole weekend as a family.

My husband and I have fallen out over it and aren't speaking to theres a horrible atmosphere in the house, the dog is crying and pacing up and down constantly because my son is his playmate and they are separated.
My daughter now has noone to play with so she's playing up. We usually see grandparents, just me and daughter went so they were upset to not see my son. And now got another day of it. One parent staying home whilst the other takes daughter out.
It has made the family really disjointed and the weekend has been just horrible. I feel like all of us are being punished, not just my son.
My husband and I disagree over almost everything, and I am far too soft but I just want this weekend to be over

OP posts:
EleanorLavish · 03/03/2019 08:03

That is a really severe punishment, what did he do?
It has also punished everyone else so isn’t really fitting, IMO.

SprogletsMum · 03/03/2019 08:03

What did he do? Kill somebody?
7 is really young to be sent to your room for a whole weekend. I send my 7 year old to her room when she's naughty but usually the longest would be an hour or so and I know full well that she's watching a film. Your ds must be feeling really distressed.

Butchyrestingface · 03/03/2019 08:04

Is your son confined to his room or can he access the rest of the house? What did he do?

Probably more concerning is the fact that you and your husband disagree on everything.

GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 03/03/2019 08:04

That’s way to harsh, a whole weekend? What did he do?

Harrykanesrightsock · 03/03/2019 08:05

We would never issue a punishment that punished anyone but the child. So grounding is out as no one is happy in this situation. Not helpful now to you but as it was your DP who did the grounding he should be the one to stay home.

wanderings · 03/03/2019 08:05

Blimey, 7yo grounded for the whole weekend, and practically in solitary confinement? What offence did the boy commit to deserve this?

pinkdelight · 03/03/2019 08:05

Seven is way too young to be grounding, esp for a whole weekend. Grounding is a teenage thing. You aren't too soft, your DH is way OTT and you need to stand up to him for your dc sake. A 7yo should only need a telling off and explanation to understand and apologise, or make him help you with chores or something. At most you could not do a fun thing that was planned, but confining them to their room for more than a short while to 'have a think' is too much.

User12879923378 · 03/03/2019 08:06

Grounded doesn't mean shut in a bedroom for a weekend usually, does it? It's a punishment for older kids to make them stay in and behave or do their homework. I think your son's far too young for that. But also... he can't even see the dog? Really?
Totally over the top before you even get to the effect on everyone else, I think.

MakeItRain · 03/03/2019 08:08

I thought "grounding" was usually aimed at much older children. Sending a 7 year old to his room for a whole weekend is a ridiculous punishment. I think you need to talk this through with your OH. I wouldn't be able to support that decision. The fact that you're going along with it, despite disagreeing with it and seeing it impact on the whole family suggests a worrying dynamic in your relationship. What's your OH like generally?

Soontobe60 · 03/03/2019 08:09

I agree, a weekend in his room is far too severe, verging on neglect! My first thought was what has he done, but actually whatever it is is irrelevant. It's just too long.
You need to tell your DH that one day is enough ( although that's still very long) and that he is coming out of his room today. You have to be your sons champion, and if his father is punishing him too severely it's your job to stick up for him.

Goodadvice1980 · 03/03/2019 08:09

What exactly did your son do OP?

I cannot understand why you have passively stood back and allowed your "D"H to inflict this behaviour on the whole family this weekend? Why did you not just take your son out with you yesterday if you considered the punishment was too harsh?

Is your "D"H one of those types who feel they rule the household and their word is law?

Your son is probably hurt and confused by this punishment.

BlueBuilding · 03/03/2019 08:10

Your poor son! I bet he is feeling so sad and anxious.

Another one desperate to find out what crime he has committed.

teyem · 03/03/2019 08:10

A whole weekend, alone in his room? Is that right?

BlueBuilding · 03/03/2019 08:11

Please go and get your son out of his room. Honestly enough is enough.

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 03/03/2019 08:12

Agree with PP this is disproportionate for his age, grounding is for teenagers. Take him out with you and DD today

lyralalala · 03/03/2019 08:12

Being grounded has never meant not visiting relatives or going out for lunch/dinner in my house. If you are grounded then you don't get to play out with your mates. That's it. Not a weird solitary confinement.

Not taking a child to visit grandparents as a punishment is ridiculous imo. Punishments are meant to punish a wrongdoing, not an entire family.

Dermymc · 03/03/2019 08:13

What did he do?

Your husband sounds like a bully.

LL83 · 03/03/2019 08:13

To me grounded means you aren't allowed out to play, and if really bad no electronics either.

If your son doesn't get out to play then there is no point grounding him as while family suffer.
Also weekend is far too long, morning/afternoon and still allowed to play with sister just not go out to play.

Did husband snap and blurt it out without thinking it through? If so talk it through for next time. What could he confiscate that would punish child yet not ruin whole weekend for family.

teyem · 03/03/2019 08:13

Even when you ground teenagers it is to curtail their freedom outside the home, it's not solitary confinement.

LynetteScavo · 03/03/2019 08:13

Is it just me who is thinking making a child spend an entire weekend alone in their room is abusive?

I'd tell my DH he was being a dick and tell my 7yo I was taking him out.

I can't imagine what a 7yo could do that would mean he needed to spend more than half an hour in his room (an hour tops if I was really cross to give me time to calm down).

BigSandyBalls2015 · 03/03/2019 08:15

Blimey I’m another one who is interested in what the kid did to deserve this!

BiscuitDrama · 03/03/2019 08:17

He has to stay in his room for the whole weekend? That’s a very severe punishment.

teyem · 03/03/2019 08:17

No, I think it is emotionally abusive too.

CherryPavlova · 03/03/2019 08:18

It does feel like your husband has cut off his nose to spite his face. I’m wondering whether the punishment fits the crime too? What’s done is done and you can’t overtly undermine your husband but I’m thinking I might allow him to follow it through by being the one who stays home for the weekend to oversee the punishment he used.

Then I’d have a discussion about positive parenting and minimising the need for heavy sanctions with a pre-agreed sanction list.

AuntVanya · 03/03/2019 08:19

This is wrong - far too harsh, age-inappropriate, badly-targeted and excessive.
Has your husband realised any of this? Has he realised he has made a mistake, never to be repeated? Or does he still think the punishment is right and proportionate?
We all say things in the heat of the moment but, as an adult, he needs to be big enough to back down when he was wrong. He needs to admit that to you and end DS's punishment. If there's no chance of that, he's horrible.