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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What do you do if one child is grounded but other isn't?

251 replies

Fullofregrets33 · 03/03/2019 08:00

Morning. I am having a really rubbish weekend. My husband has grounded our son who is 7 for the weekend he has to play in his room and can't join us on visiting relatives, going the park, out for lunch etc.

Aibu to be really pissed off about this? Our kids are still young and I'm still getting to grips about what I think are suitable punishments for things. I think my husband has been too harsh this time and it has really spoilt our whole weekend as a family.

My husband and I have fallen out over it and aren't speaking to theres a horrible atmosphere in the house, the dog is crying and pacing up and down constantly because my son is his playmate and they are separated.
My daughter now has noone to play with so she's playing up. We usually see grandparents, just me and daughter went so they were upset to not see my son. And now got another day of it. One parent staying home whilst the other takes daughter out.
It has made the family really disjointed and the weekend has been just horrible. I feel like all of us are being punished, not just my son.
My husband and I disagree over almost everything, and I am far too soft but I just want this weekend to be over

OP posts:
CielBleuEtNuages · 03/03/2019 08:20

I only do punishments that only punish the child who did something naughty.

So I wont cancel playdates or parties.

My 7 year old loses screen time.

Grounding is silly at that age.

Original poster
Fullofregrets33 · 03/03/2019 08:22

He has to stay upstairs. He has all of his toys, a TV etc and can join us for breakfast, dinner and tea downstairs. My daughter and I have spent most of our time upstairs too so he's not alone. Hubby has been downstairs.

The reason for the grounding is because he is doing something repeatedly at school and no other consequence seems to be having any effect. (I don't think this will either) my husband is fed up with our sons behaviour and is hoping that this will deter him from repeating the behaviour.

My husband is "the boss" in our house yes

OP posts:
Drogosnextwife · 03/03/2019 08:22

If I'm grasping that right, and he's not allowed to leave his room and access the living room during the fay, then I would be going in to my DH and telling him that you are taking ds out. That's not a child's punishment that is like jail time.

my2bundles · 03/03/2019 08:23

Grounding only works with teenagers who are able to go out without adult supervision. Even then it dosent involve completely isolating them to their room.

SavoyCabbage · 03/03/2019 08:25

I think it's not the right punishment for a seven year old as they don't t really have anything to ground them from. They don't have a life outside the home. It's a punishment for a teenager as they would be out and about with their friends over the weekend.

I was going to suggest staying in today and doing stuff together, like board games, cooking and crafts but it sounds like that wouldn't 'be allowed' by your husband.

I think you are just going to get through today and then you need to sit down together and decide what punishments would work better than this.

When mine were that age it was losing their TV time for that day. My youngest is on a month screen ban at the moment but we aren't being awful to her all of the time. She can't go on screens but the rest of her life is normal.

Fruitbatdancer · 03/03/2019 08:25

Staying in room with tv and toys is not a punishment or grounding. It’s just ‘I don’t want to parent this situation’ he’s 7 for goodness sake.

teyem · 03/03/2019 08:25

My daughter and I have spent most of our time upstairs too so he's not alone.

But in your op you said one of the consequences of this punishment was that your dad was playing up as she has no-one to play with?

teyem · 03/03/2019 08:25

Dad = dd

Goodadvice1980 · 03/03/2019 08:26

**My husband is "the boss" in our house yes

Hmm

Ok OP, so what are you going to do about that? Flowers

IWantMyHatBack · 03/03/2019 08:26

Fuck that, I'd take him out.

teyem · 03/03/2019 08:26

My husband is "the boss" in our house

How's that working out for you?

lyralalala · 03/03/2019 08:28

My husband is "the boss" in our house yes

And is there a reason you allow, or don't challenge, this? Especially when you don't agree.

Powerbunting · 03/03/2019 08:28

You are describing solitary confinement. Stuck in one room. Unable to play with sister/dog/other inmates.

Is he allowed out at meal times? Does he have toys in his room?

Solitary confinement is a harmful punishment

"Grounding" is not going out with mates. Stuck in the home for all family activities. Which is why it is a teenage punishment. Not a 7 year old's. A seven year old might be sent to their room for a bit. Or have screen time/toys removed for a while. Maybe even a "you can't go to grandparents/the park/activity you were looking forward to" . But not everything removed for 48 hours.

BlueSkiesLies · 03/03/2019 08:28

You can’t ‘ground’ a 7 year old FFS

Powerbunting · 03/03/2019 08:29

Cross posted.

WatsKiskers · 03/03/2019 08:30

Surely if he's repeatedly doing something at school that you want him to stop you should try to get to the bottom of why he is doing it? Could you sit him down and talk to him about it?

This weird imprisonment thing is a totally inappropriate punishment IMO but I get the feeling you are scared to challenge your DH about this?

Original poster
Fullofregrets33 · 03/03/2019 08:30

My husband is still in bed at the moment so the rest of us are downstairs having breakfast together.
When he gets up I am going to put my foot down and insist it does not go on today aswell.
My husband says I'm too soft and take childs side all the time and that's why the child keeps misbehaving because he knows there's no consequences and that me and his dad will argue about it and I get him "let off". He then carries on the bad behaviour at school. He doesn't play out with friends or anything so we can't use that as a punishment

OP posts:
Whatafustercluck · 03/03/2019 08:30

A hugely divisive, and probably quite damaging punishment imo. I don't know what it is he's doing repeatedly at school, but whatever it is I'd probably want to focus on why he's repeatedly doing it. Dh and I sometimes agree on punishments (he's probably stricter than me) but he would consider this hugely excessive. But then neither of us agrees with sending kids to bedrooms as punishment.

Whatafustercluck · 03/03/2019 08:32

sometimes disagree

Dermymc · 03/03/2019 08:33

Your husband might be right regarding your son if you are "letting your ds" off any consequences at home for his behaviour in school. However that doesn't mean dh gets to impose his rules.

The best way is for you to both sit down and agree a set of reasonable consequences that you both stick to.

CurlyWurlyTwirly · 03/03/2019 08:33

Sound’s like your child is acting out because your husband is a dick.
Your son needs your support and you need to get to the bottom of this behaviour.
Take the time while H is in bed to have a good chat with your DS.
The only punishment i give / threaten is confiscating a favourite toy or screen time for a set period and that’s with an 8 yo.

Original poster
Fullofregrets33 · 03/03/2019 08:34

Teyem my daughter and I have been upstairs playing in her room, but she prefers to play with her brother so has been playing up.

I don't want to go into our relationship on this post as I have other posts about it if you want to search for them.

He has his TV and all his toys in his room. His punishment is he is not allowed to join in with family activities

OP posts:
BlueBuilding · 03/03/2019 08:36

If you think that your son is going to go to school and behave himself tomorrow, after being confined to his room all bloody weekend then you are very wrong.

I bet he has an awful day tomorrow. How else will he let out all of the awful feelings that have been building up?

LovingLola · 03/03/2019 08:37

And how is he getting on? Is he crying and upset ?

DocusDiplo · 03/03/2019 08:38

Sorry OP, this sounds really stressful for all of you. Your DH sounds obstinate and stubborn and will never change. He thinks he knows best. I hate arrogant men like that. Good luck... no way this is going to end well.

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