Boarding school for 7yr olds.

[Patchworkpatty]

This is not a TAAT but follows on from one earlier today where I appear out of step with the majority posting there. So want to ask the AIBU vipers opinions.

While discussing the other thread it lead me to do some internet investigation about the age of children in boarding schools in this country - and was horrified that there are many prep schools that offer 'full boarding' (not weekly and home weekends) from the age of 7 ! I am genuinely shocked and sad that such young children are sent away from home. These places appear really desirable to those parents desperate to ensure entry into 'the better public schools' .

How is this different from putting your 7 yr old in care ? IMHOthe only difference is that you pay for it and there are more activities. Surely it's not right to do this to such young children . I really thought that had stopped in the 1960s .!

I have no experience of boarding schools at all within my family but I find this horrifying. Seven is too young.

ExDP was a full boarder from 6, in the 1970s.

I can say hand on heart, that the damage that decision caused psychologically - in various ways- factored hugely in our family breakdown.

It may be different nowadays but even good boarding schools certainly were not equipped back then to care adequately for the needs of 6 year olds.

I totally agree with you but there are a lot of parents who use boarding at young ages on mumsnet and no doubt you’ll have loads of people saying you don’t know what you’re talking about. I think boarding at such a young age is cruel and you’re right it is like putting them in care.

I think you might not have had experience of the care system/children's homes to compare it to private boarding... I have it is not pleasant.

It's not a choice I would make for my DC but I have friends who boarded from a very young age for various reasons and they are confident, happy, week adjusted and have good family relationships.

I think I’m certain circumstances it’s brilliant. Single mum in the armed forces? Fabulous is a constant in your child’s life.

I asked a colleague of mine this same question (he’d boarded from 7 and was a very down to earth thoroughly nice well rounded guy). He said, because when you’re at boarding school you know you have a family that loves you and that cares about you, you ring them and write to them and see them in the holidays. I guess kids that board have a stable family whereas kids that are in care don’t.

I have a 7 year old - I could never send him to boarding school! He needs a cuddle and a bedtime story and a “chat” about his day and his worries. Boarding school can’t offer that emotional support young children need.

Sending your child away from 7 is horrific 😔 Doesn't matter how good the education is that is a hugely damaging thing to do to a child imho

Personally I don't see the point of actually having children if you are planning on them full boarding from age 7 (unless very serious circumstances require this). 7 is still so very little. I think boarding at 13+ is fine (if they want to go), but 13 is still very young. Not a route I would go down - nor would the DC want to board. You can still get to fabulous schools without boarding from 7, without boarding at all.

YANBU. Of course people do it, we know people do it. Doesn’t make it right. If you’re a single parent in the armed forces.... maybe, but I’d wonder why there wasn’t an attempt to move posts, if you’re on a high enough salary to pay for boarding from 7. Most of these children won’t be the child of a single parent in the army though, they’re a child that isn’t compatible with what the parent sees as important, for the most part.

The numbers boarding at that age are tiny - it's typically around 200 or so each year (based on school census) and IME it's almost entirely those with exceptional family circumstances.

Just because a school says it can take from age 7 does not mean they actually have any boarders that young

(Remembers thread when there was an awful outraged outcry about boarders age 6, even though the school census showed there were none whatsoever in the country)

FIL boarded from age 6. It totally fucked him up.

I can’t wrap my head around it personally. I can’t think of anything that’s better for my DCs than a loving home environment.

When we were kids a family on our street sent their kids away as each one reached 7. They were ex military and even though they were no longer posted, it was just part of their culture ( think both parents from military backgrounds) all the kids seem pretty reasonable adults.?

I started boarding school at 10. There was a 7 year old there. As a mother I can not fathom it at all. I think from secondary it's not too bad, but I still couldn't do it to mine. They need me with them.

It wouldn't be my choice, no.

Then again, I am not a single parent with a job that means I am away for weeks or months at a time. Nor does my job require house moves every 2 years. Or to live abroad in a region with no equivalent education.

We all have different lives.

I think boarding school at any age is shit to be honest. But 7 is just ridiculous.

If you’re a single parent with a job that takes you away for weeks/months then I’d say it’s time to get a new job.

I couldn't, but I do know children who were at prep schools that offered full boarding. The reality is that most children boarded one or two nights a week, some on a flexible basis. Children treated it like a sleepover, parents had flexibility if they needed to work late or overnight. I doubt many, if any, actually full boarded on a permanent basis.

Well a lot of parents can’t afford to stay home and take care of their children/live somewhere with good schools. Others don’t want to. Done will also feel uncomfortable with a live in nanny/not be able to afford Schools these days offer excellent pastoral care and I would probably rather my child was at school than coming to hone to a dysfunctional household or spending most of their time with a child minder. It’s not ideal but you can hardly compare it to the care system where children get handed around from Pilar to post or end up being abused.

Even at secondary level, there are only a few circumstances where I could countenance boarding school.

A very particular talent that needs to be nurtured young (ballet?!?) or very particular educational needs.

There are loads of good private day schools where I live though.

I can say hand on heart, that the damage that decision caused psychologically - in various ways- factored hugely in our family breakdown

Sadly this is all too true amongst my male relatives too. “Boarding School Syndrome” is s very real thing. I heard an R4 programme about it a couple of years ago.

@lauriemarlow a lot of children don’t get a loving home environment

or spending most of their time with a child minder.

At least that way they get to sleep in their own bed in their own home with their parents. And hopefully forge a close relationship with a child minder too.

I don’t think all the ‘excellent pastoral care’ in the world is preferable to that. Unless their home life is totally dysfunctional.

At my school, there was a girl in the class aged 10 who was a boarder and her little sister aged 5 was also a boarder.

Awful. I cannot imagine why anyone would do this. I personally don't agree with boarding schools. The whole idea is outdated.

Well a lot of parents can’t afford to stay home and take care of their children/live somewhere with good schools. Others don’t want to. Done will also feel uncomfortable with a live in nanny/not be able to afford

If you can afford to pay for full boarding for a 7yo, you don't have money troubles. If you don't want to tackle the inevitable adjustments having a child makes to your day to day life and routine, you shouldn't be having a child.