Boarding school for 7yr olds.

[Patchworkpatty]

This is not a TAAT but follows on from one earlier today where I appear out of step with the majority posting there. So want to ask the AIBU vipers opinions.

While discussing the other thread it lead me to do some internet investigation about the age of children in boarding schools in this country - and was horrified that there are many prep schools that offer 'full boarding' (not weekly and home weekends) from the age of 7 ! I am genuinely shocked and sad that such young children are sent away from home. These places appear really desirable to those parents desperate to ensure entry into 'the better public schools' .

How is this different from putting your 7 yr old in care ? IMHOthe only difference is that you pay for it and there are more activities. Surely it's not right to do this to such young children . I really thought that had stopped in the 1960s .!

My parents gave up cushy, well-paid jobs on a Pacific island to come back to the UK and barely scrape a living because the alternative was sending their DC to boarding school aged 7. DM says she'll never forget the sobbing kids being peeled off their Mums' legs to get on the plane.

Ofc there are circumstances where it might be justified, such as SEN. And when children are old enough to decide themselves that's different too.

I try to have a policy that other people's parenting decisions are none of my business, but this is one that I feel strongly about.

But the thread wasn't about 'us boarding school ok' it was about full boarding at 7. ! Flexible boarding and boarding for secondary school is a completely different issue.

I still don't see it as acceptable in any way to board children at 7. No matter what job your husband /you do. If it means sending your child away at such a young age. If this is the only option then the decision to change jobs in the preceding 7 yrs is not exactly short notice.

Alternatively - if you or husband are so hellbent in doing the job you do - then one stays put and the other parent goes away to work. The adult being away is surely preferable to a seven year old!
All the military families I have known have either left the service when children started school or mother had stayed home , dad. Has worked away until children were old enough for boarding at 13. Anything else is adults putting their lives in front of their children.

@DarkYearForMySoul I don't think so.. mine was always co-ed!

You are terribly judgemental OP, it might well work for some children.
There are some on here who say they were fine.
Is there some reason this bothers you so much, is there someone you know doing this and their child is unhappy?

Oh yes I absolutely put my hands up to being judgmental to parents who put their primary aged children into full (not weekly or flexible) boarding. ( although Weekly is still pretty crap ).

No excuse for it in my book. If you can't fit your job round looking after your young child then get a different job even if it means less money.
RumbleMum s parents had her moral compass pointing in the right direction on this front.

There’s a lot of children I can think of who would benefit from the stability of a boarding school, parents aren’t interested, have little input or activities etc

Shame you have to pay.

I've just wiki'd my old school and it now appears to only offer boarding from 10yrs.

Honestly OP I do feel that schooling has changed dramatically in the last 20 yrs. I can't imagine teachers getting away with the emotional abuse we had in those days with the internet savvy generation. I'm sure they aren't now allowed to leave you standing in a nightie in an icy hallway for hours for talking after lights out or confiscating teddy bears for example!

My DH boarded at 13 and loved it. He is emotionally stable and not afraid of talking of his feelings. He was popular and sporty which may have contributed to his enjoyment. My DS started boarding at 8 and absolutely loves it. Again he is very sporty and popular and so loves the life, as he has sport every day. He’s home every other weekend and both my husband and I have a very close relationship with him and he will always tell us how he feels. We see him on the weekend he doesn’t come home and also for Wednesday matches. The other boys in his year are not military or from single parent homes. A lot of the boys have parents who boarded and went to your standard public school and it follows their traditions.

Boarding wouldn’t suit all children and it really depends on the child, again for our child it works for him as it’s a much more relaxed environment compared to the high pressure of London independent day school.

@Elderflower14 I have been considering Mary Hare for DS. So hard to know what's right when you read threads like this. School is such a hard time and being immersed in a Deaf environment when they're so young is protecting them so much, and I think they need that.

A lot of people on here seem to think boarding schools today are the same as they were in the 1940s!

Yes there are some kids who just don’t like boarding school but there are some who love it.

Best example is forces kids - the armed forces often give bursaries to families who live on military bases in, for example, Germany, Senegal, Uganda... and ones that love around a lot so that the kids can go to boarding school in the U.K. and THAT is their constant - they don’t have to move from school to school with the family, they have a centre where they can have constant friends and a constant education.

Those of you saying it’s cruelty shouldn’t judge - some kids are at boarding school because it’s the best place for them if their parents are away a lot and can’t take them with them. Boarding schools these days are not like they were a long time ago; they’re modernised, have all the facilities kids could want and, most importantly, have a really strong pastoral team who can recognise signs of anxiety, home sickness and other mental health problems and intervene immediately to look after those pupils.

Just because someone is at boarding school, doesn’t mean their parents don’t want/love them. Most parents will give their child a choice of going or not. In many cases pupils board during the week (sometimes the commute to school is very long so the days start too early) and go home at the weekends.

You need to know the kids’ individual circumstances before you can decide if they’re “only sent away because their parents don’t want them”.

'No excuse for it in my book. If you can't fit your job round looking after your young child then get a different job even if it means less money. '

And what if less money means losing your house?

Do you use childcare OP, because some people would judge for that.
if you are unable to care for your own dc you shouldn't have them. Do you have a partner that works, because one of you should be at home looking after them.

Just to add, boarding for our DS was putting his needs first and not for our benefit. He could have easily stayed at his London prep and joined a boarding school or day school at 13 but we found that London preps are pretty intense for kid. We made sure our DS was part of the decision making and when we visited the school he was so impressed by the facilities and teachers. Again for our son it helps that he is still has a huge joy for learning so he’s pretty relaxed at school and but pleased he has no homework and just get to run around with his friends in the woods or playing football etc..

My husband and his siblings were forces children - they all boarded from 8 and they all loved it - it was much better that travelling all around the world from base to base - absolutely the right thing to do. My husband thrived in school. Would i send my children? Not unless its Eton or Harrow. We are considering Roedean for my daughter (she's young still) should she be good enough to get in, but we would have to move closer to the school to have her as a day school pupil.

For many parents, waving your dc off to university is heart wrenching enough! Hearing that people do this at 7 is like hearing about the practices of some alien race. I can believe they have their reasons for doing it, but I just can’t understand them. There’s no advantage a school could give my own dc that could outweigh the chance to grow up day to day with his family.

A close friend of mine was a full-time boarder from the age of 9, and it really messed her up psychologically. She's a lovely person and a great friend but she is action packed full of issues and has had therapy as an adult to try and deal with this. At one point she suffered sexual abuse which wasn't taken seriously because back then people didn't seem to think that women were capable of sexual abuse.

Why bother having children if you aren't going to have much to do with their upbringing, and only see them at Christmas and during the summer? Perhaps those parents would be happier with a gold fish.

I think boarding school at any age is pretty barbaric. Why do people have children then send them away? I will never understand. I knew a boy who was sent to school at approx 9 or 10 and his relationship with his parents was never the same (he never really forgave them). There will probably be lots of posters now who extol the virtues of boarding but I would never countenance it.

Personally? No, I couldn't send my 7 year old son to be a full boarder. If my husband was in the military and we had to move regularly - yes I might consider it. Especially so if I was in the military too.

However, these ignorant post such as:
Why bother having children if you aren't going to have much to do with their upbringing, and only see them at Christmas and during the summer? Perhaps those parents would be happier with a gold fish.

My nieces and nephew were boarders at a private school and they definitely saw their parents more than Christmas and summer - jeez

I went to a mixed boarding school from the age of 11 & loved it. For me it was an ideal situation as my family life was a bit chaotic and the stability of school kept me sane. The friends I made are like my second family but I would never send a young child to boarding school...I think it's cruel. A seven year old need the warmth & security of a family environment. I wouldn't send my kids away cause I would really miss them too much.

I’m a forces child who boarded full time from age 9. It destroyed my relationship with my parents, and I will never ever forgive them till the day they die and beyond. We rarely speak. I am the lucky one - my brother has suffered serious MH problems since childhood directly related to boarding from 7. To those who say sometimes there is no choice I don’t believe you. Boarding should be outlawed under 18 and I could never respect or stays friends with anyone who inflicted it on their children.

Buy a smaller or cheaper house wheresthe post? After all, you'll be saving 20k+ a year.

If I had children, I would never even consider this. Why have a child at all? I treat my pets better than a parent who sends their child to boarding school.

Wow = do you realise how insulting you've been to parent's who have no choice because of work commitments? Or would you rather they gave up work and became one of the 'scum' on benefits? I really can't believe the ignorance of supposedly 'educated' posters.