Boarding school for 7yr olds.

[Patchworkpatty]

This is not a TAAT but follows on from one earlier today where I appear out of step with the majority posting there. So want to ask the AIBU vipers opinions.

While discussing the other thread it lead me to do some internet investigation about the age of children in boarding schools in this country - and was horrified that there are many prep schools that offer 'full boarding' (not weekly and home weekends) from the age of 7 ! I am genuinely shocked and sad that such young children are sent away from home. These places appear really desirable to those parents desperate to ensure entry into 'the better public schools' .

How is this different from putting your 7 yr old in care ? IMHOthe only difference is that you pay for it and there are more activities. Surely it's not right to do this to such young children . I really thought that had stopped in the 1960s .!

Ds2 went to a residential.deaf school aged 7. It was the best decision I have ever made. Total access to a deaf enviroment. He came home every weekend.

At my boarding school in the late 1970s there were a few girls of 5 and 6. This was when there were no exeat weekends and you were at school for weeks at a time. The older girls ' mothered' the younger ones.

Military families usually receive a discount, I know a few with only one income with a child/ren in private school.

a lot of children don’t get a loving home environment

Well I understand that. I’m not sure that boarding school from age 7 works to plug the gap though.

Lots of service families, both parents serving, have young children in boarding. Provides continuity, safety and pretty good standards of care when parents are posted to undesirable places for children.

I boarded from 10, and there were two eight year old there as well. We were all very happy and I enjoyed it. However it was a bit like lord of the flies at times. Wish I could say the same for the public school I went to at 12, which has left deep scars on my psyche.

Personally there’s no point asking people who boarded from such a young age as they never know any different.

My own view is that it is appalling. I’ve read a book which indicates that it causes children to kind of shut down certain emotional feelings.

Imagine not being able to give your own child a cuddle when they’re having trouble at school?

For example my 7 year old dd is having playground troubles with a particular girl in class. She comes home, drops things into conversation and she needs a cuddle and reassurance.

What happens when your child is ill? Not ill enough to be off school but they just need a bit of extra love?

What about those little random questions your kids come out with? After school today me and dd were brushing her dolls’ hair just having a little chit chat about random things.

Tucking her into bed and talking about school the next day?
I’d lose all of that sending them to boarding school.

Yes I’m sure she’d be cared for practically but the emotional side would be lacking.

I’d never do it.

Of course there are lots of parents with children at day schools or homeschooling who are also not good parents, not providing a happy, secure home environment. But snobbishness makes it very easy to dress up sending a young child away to school as a sign of being a good parent.

The thought of kids that age at bedtime in a dormitory, no story or cuddles they will be feeling so sad- breaks my heart.

yes my ex-husband boarded from 7 too - huge emotional damage to him (and his brothers and sister). He registered our son to board at the same school when he was two weeks old. I thought I would deal with that when I was feeling stronger, and this plan was changed later. When I was a single parent however, working and with 3 children, all of them boarded one night a week so that I could work, and that was OK - they saw it as more of a sleepover.

I have a letter from a girl at boarding school to her parents which I found in a book. I'd guess she is about 8yo.
It really is a lovely letter, but she is both clearly adoring both her parents and loving life at the school.
I don't think it is as simple as never right for any child.

Even Hogwarts only took children from secondary age up.

There are many, many more 7 year olds growing up in shit situations with shit neglectful and useless parents, than there are 7 year olds in boarding school.

I know who I reserve my horror towards.

I couldn't agree more LaurieMarlow. For all those saying they don't agree with it but maybe in exceptional circumstances like the army .. IMHO you change your job BECAUSE you have children if the job isn't compatible. You don't just ship them off somewhere.
However from what I have read it isn't about desperate circumstances much more about desperate need to line the wee tots up for the 'right' public school. (Sherborne, Radley , were mentioned) .. and that weekly boarding (and coming home weekends) didn't seem quite good enough .. that there was a need to be a 'full boarder' as this somehow improved chances at Common Entrance for a child who might not academically be up to scratch for the desired Public School...

Ffs this level of extreme pushy (non) parenting puts coaching for the 11+ look like academic neglect !

Can’t I feel horror towards both?

What happens when your child is ill? Not ill enough to be off school but they just need a bit of extra love?

In my experience at sixth form boarding, Martin would give you a cuddle and an extra bit of care when you were sick.

Martin? Matron

Can’t I feel horror towards both?

Well quite

There are many, many more 7 year olds growing up in shit situations with shit neglectful and useless parents, than there are 7 year olds in boarding school

It’s not really an either/or though is it.

I know people scarred from it
But also people who coped well and enjoyed it
And others who struggled but got lucky with pastoral care
It’s hard to say really and must vary from person to person

Matron would give you a cuddle and an extra bit of care when you were sick.

I see this as very much my job. Not matron’s.

I don’t think anyone would say it’s ideal, but I find it really hard to worry too much about children in safe schools with good pastoral teams. Boarding in 2019 is nothing like even boarding in the 1990s.

But also people who coped well and enjoyed it

In fairness I do believe there’s certain type of personality that it suits and will be fine there. But not from age 7.

Yeah - my husband went at 8. He quite loved it! All his brothers were there already.

Meh

Worse happens to 7 year olds . As we all sadly know . Yes it’s shit . But so are many things in life sadly