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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked at this comment about poverty?

552 replies

abacucat · 18/12/2018 23:52

I have been thinking for a few days about a comment a MNer made on a thread about poverty. She said that she has nearly been in tears because a woman at the toddler group she went to had a hole in her shoe and thus had wet feet.
I have a hole in my shoe. I got a wet foot today. I don't think this is a big deal or worthy of "nearly being in tears". Surely it is pretty normal to have to wait a bit to be able to afford to replace things like shoes?
I just do't see it as a big deal at all, and I think this comment was OTT.
AIBU?

OP posts:
Brighton2 · 18/12/2018 23:53

I have a hole in my shoe too. On the sole. I only just noticed. I need to get them re soled as I love the shoes but haven’t had time.

So in short I agree with you. She sounds very emotional

HestiaParthenos · 18/12/2018 23:55

Surely it is pretty normal to have to wait a bit to be able to afford to replace things like shoes?

I wouldn't think so, no. Normal to not have the time to buy new shoes right now, perhaps. Not being able to afford them? No. They are not a luxury item.

I consider it poverty when someone can't afford to replace a washing machine. Shoes cost less. A person who can't immediately afford new shoes is poor. You might argue about how poor, but poor they are.

Strange that it saddened her to the point of tears, but she might be a sensitive soul.

Greensleeves · 18/12/2018 23:59

It's pretty normal to have to wait until the end of the month to be able to replace a decent pair of shoes, yes. School shoes, for example, hence parents being upset about children being sent to isolation until their shoes are policy compliant - many normal families can't just cough up at no notice for a decent pair of leather shoes and don't want to put their children in plastic crap.

I wouldn't call that poverty, it's completely normal.

Original poster
abacucat · 19/12/2018 00:02

Thank you Greensleeves! And it is Christmas soon, the most expensive time of the year. I do have a pair of sandals as well, but obviously they would make my feet even wetter.

OP posts:
Witchend · 19/12/2018 00:02

I usually wear very cheap shoes, and I usually wear them until I realise there's a hole in the bottom. That's because I have odd shaped feet which don't fit shoes easily, so once I've worn them in I want to continue wearing them while they're comfortable. I usually choose plimsoles as they take less wearing in than most.

New shoes I almost invariably end up with 3-4 places per foot rubbed to bleeding level for a couple of weeks.

I usually discover the hole when out, and I'll comment along the lines of "oh dear, I've a hole in the bottom of my shoes."

I'm not living in poverty unable to afford shoes.

Although about 15 years ago someone put £35 through my door with the note attached "for new shoes". Blush I did feel rather embarrassed.

kmc1111 · 19/12/2018 00:02

I don’t think it’s unusual to save up to replace or repair a pair of shoes, but if you don’t have other pairs you can wear in the meantime and are having to walk around with wet feet, then yeah, I’d consider that a pretty rough situation. I’d certainly think anyone in that situation is well below the poverty line.

poppoppop100 · 19/12/2018 00:04

It is not normal to have holes in our shoes!

sweetkitty · 19/12/2018 00:06

No I don’t think it’s normal either. I had jokes in my shoes as a child and teen and hated it. I always make sure I have plenty of shoes now. It’s the same kind of thing with overstocking cupboards.

NaiceShoes · 19/12/2018 00:07

No it's not normal to have to wait til the end of the month to afford to replace a pair of shoes. That is living hand to mouth.

sweetkitty · 19/12/2018 00:07

Holes not jokes

sweeneytoddsrazor · 19/12/2018 00:07

You seriously think not being able to replace a washing machine is poverty?

MilkyCuppa · 19/12/2018 00:07

I knew a millionaire who walked around with holes in his shoes because he liked them and couldn’t find another pair the same. I wore my holey boots till they fell off for the same reason. Wet feet isn’t a tragedy. However, if you want new shoes and can’t afford them then yes, that’s poor. If you’re desperate you can get second hand shoes though, so if you’re wearing holey shoes you’re either literally on the poverty line or you’re choosing not to replace your shoes.

HestiaParthenos · 19/12/2018 00:08

It's pretty normal to have to wait until the end of the month to be able to replace a decent pair of shoes, yes.

What price are we talking here? Confused

Perhaps you are willing to spend a lot of money for decent shoes and hate cheap shoes so much you don't want to buy any, but surely, anyone who cannot afford a pair of cheap shoes in order to have dry feet can be considered poor.

Starbitcrazy · 19/12/2018 00:10

I'm not sure I have ever worn shoes to the point they have a hole in. But I am a shoeaholic! A hole in the shoe doesn't automatically mean poverty, some people just aren't bothered about buying stuff or just don't care.

OP, when you say save up for shoes, do you mean save up for a nice leather pair which will last, a mid price pair for around £50-70 or cheap pair from New Look or Shoe Zone eg for £10-20? One end of the scale is definitely poverty if you need to save, and the other is not necessarily, as forking out for a pair of decent £100+ shoes might not be achievable in one month with all other financial commitments, but that doesn't mean you're poor.

Original poster
abacucat · 19/12/2018 00:11

I don't think I am poor. I think poverty is struggling to have enough to eat or staving off eviction, not waiting a month till you can afford to replace a pair of shoes.

OP posts:
Original poster
abacucat · 19/12/2018 00:14

I spend about £30-£45 on a pair of shoes. I have awkward feet and really cheap shoes just do not fit.

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 19/12/2018 00:14

I'm talking about a pair of decent leather school shoes, usually around £40. Many, many families would need to wait until the end of the month to replace those. And buying a pair of crap £10 plastic ones from Shoezone to tide you over is a blatant false economy.

If you think that's poverty, you really need a dose of reality.

Letsmoveondude · 19/12/2018 00:16

Poverty is to me having holes in shoes. I can think of nothing worse than getting wet feet in the winter. And no, shoes shouldn't be an item people need to save for. Not when Primark is in virtually every town and will be able to sell a pair of shoes/trainers/ boots for around a tenner.

If wonder if she had any other shoes to wear, and feel quite sorry for her, but in thinking about it I would probably also realise that it's just at that point you feel you're really comfy in shoes they start to fall apart. I'd wonder if may be she was the same. The weather hasn't been that bad where I am, but the rain definitelg made an appearance today.

Original poster
abacucat · 19/12/2018 00:16

I am with you greensleeves. I think there are so many very well off people on this site, that they have no idea how ordinary people live.

OP posts:
DayManChampionOfTheSun · 19/12/2018 00:16

I always have holes in my work shoes! Then when I go out at the weekend I am wearing my 'home' shoes so I forget, Monday morning rolls around and I go 'ah shit, I forgot to pick up some new shoes!' this will go on in a cycle until I am getting multiple holes in said shoes then will order some if I can take a lunch break.

I can afford new shoes, I'm just an idiot really.

FlyingMonkeys · 19/12/2018 00:20

Depends on the context really - has she got a hole in her shoe because she can't afford a new pair of designer trainers she wants. Or can she not afford a basic pair of shoes, and is struggling to heat her house and feed her kids.

AbsentmindedWoman · 19/12/2018 00:21

It's not normal. To be honest though I think it's not normal to just have 1 pair of serviceable shoes either. More usual to have a few pairs for different demands - work shoes, boots for winter, trainers, etc.

I guess some people would prefer to wait, save up and buy shoes of a particular quality, but imo that's not the same thing as simply not having £30 to find a pair of good enough shoes or boots.

Wet feet are miserable!

HestiaParthenos · 19/12/2018 00:24

It's not normal. To be honest though I think it's not normal to just have 1 pair of serviceable shoes either.

True. I am down to one pair right now, but that's because I am lazy and hate buying shoes.

Joinourclub · 19/12/2018 00:25

I don’t think it’s unusual to have to wait until next payday to get new shoes. And those who think it is must be living in a nice bubble!

Original poster
abacucat · 19/12/2018 00:25

I have this pair with a hole in the sole of one, sandals, and some cheap canvas type trainers with designed holes all over them. The sandals and canvas trainers would let in even more rain. So I don't juts have 1 pair of shoes, but only 1 pair for cold and rainy weather.

OP posts: