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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked at this comment about poverty?

552 replies

abacucat · 18/12/2018 23:52

I have been thinking for a few days about a comment a MNer made on a thread about poverty. She said that she has nearly been in tears because a woman at the toddler group she went to had a hole in her shoe and thus had wet feet.
I have a hole in my shoe. I got a wet foot today. I don't think this is a big deal or worthy of "nearly being in tears". Surely it is pretty normal to have to wait a bit to be able to afford to replace things like shoes?
I just do't see it as a big deal at all, and I think this comment was OTT.
AIBU?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratcett · 19/12/2018 00:25

Just because something is normal, doesn't mean it's fine.

Being able to replace basic clothes, eat decent fresh food and put a roof over your head, should all be standard. That they aren't isn't your problem, but it is a problem.

It's very usual for people not to afford healthcare in the US. Doesn't make it OK.

2018SoFarSoGreat · 19/12/2018 00:25

As a child and teenager, I often had holes in my shoes, or broken buckles or straps. To me, that felt like a real, obvious sign of my family living in poverty. As an adult, I have gone to quite the other extreme, and have many, many pairs of shoes now, some unworn or worn once. I have stopped buying them now, since it really is a silly waste of money when I end up taking so many to the charity shop.

I do get having favorites, and wearing them until they are ready to fall apart, but surely you see that is happening before they actually do?

Perhaps this is one of those things where you don't see it unless you've lived it and felt horrible about it.

steff13 · 19/12/2018 00:25

I don't think I've ever worn out a pair of shoes as an adult. I have several pairs, and I wear them all, so they don't wear out, I guess.

mummymermaid · 19/12/2018 00:25

Surely most people have more than one pair of shoes?

AbsentmindedWoman · 19/12/2018 00:28

I do think it's poverty to not have adequate footwear in 2018 in a high income country, yes.

Similarly, I think that not having a washing machine is poverty - unless there's some other reason, like you live in a studio and haven't got room, or are moving soon and don't want to buy more bulky stuff, or whatever. But for a settled person with space today it's totally normal to have your own washing machine. Launderettes cost more money in the long run. So as always - it's an expensive business being poor.

Original poster
abacucat · 19/12/2018 00:28

Sofar I grew up in greater poverty than I experience now. So as a child having to hide behind the sofa and be quiet so the debt collectors thought there was no one in.

OP posts:
Apileofballyhoo · 19/12/2018 00:31

It is poverty not to have enough money to keep your feet dry. Absolutely. But it's also normal. That's the terrible part.

BlackeyedGruesome · 19/12/2018 00:32

All my shoes leak, always the same foot. Must be something about how I drive or walk or kneel.in the supermarket to get at the bottom shelf?

SaucyJack · 19/12/2018 00:35

If you’re saving up to buy reasonably expensive replacements, then that’s one thing.

But if you’re talking about someone who couldn’t even buy a pair of trainers from Everything5pounds to keep their feet dry- then that’s poverty yes.

2018SoFarSoGreat · 19/12/2018 00:35

abacucat my commiserations. Been there done that. Also recall hiding the (still warm) telly under the table. These were not the good old days.

giftsonthebrain · 19/12/2018 00:36

no, not normal in my immediate or extended family. i do however own a huge tube of shoe goo, and could in a pinch mend for 24/48 hours. i could also wear rain boots and use the other shoes for indoor only.
i can't honestly say i have ever worn shoes that were meant to be binned.
if my children ever had wet socks the cause was identified immediately and fixed. Usually from playing in deep snow or really having a blast in a stream. for all the years that kids lived in the house, i've owned a boot dryer.
now as for other people crying..i'm not known for being a sensitive soul. you wouldn't catch me being tearful over this.
i would most likely suggest the shoe goo, in case the person wasn't familiar.

Original poster
abacucat · 19/12/2018 00:37

No they were not. And I am not as poor as my parents were. There are people in Britain in much worse financial situation than I am. And I don't think having a wet foot for a month or two is that big a deal.

OP posts:
FlyingMonkeys · 19/12/2018 00:39

On the washing machine comment are we considered to be in poverty if we have to wait till pay day to replace it then? I could afford shoes in between pay days so consider myself very lucky, a new washing machine? Not so much... And I definitely don't consider myself in poverty as I'm able to cover my bills and general expenses. I'm also able to access credit if I really needed it, which many in poverty have zero chance of.

Wingedharpy · 19/12/2018 00:41

Maybe the MN'etter who made the comment referred to in the OP, was also raised in a poor household but is lucky enough to be living more comfortably now.
Possibly some projection on her part but that hardly makes her a bad person.
Thank God there are still some people with compassion for others in this day and age.

slashlover · 19/12/2018 00:47

The sole came partway off my boots so it was flapping at the front, found some superglue and they were fine. They're comfortable and go with everything.

FlyingMonkeys · 19/12/2018 00:48

I should clarify by accessing credit I'm referring to an overdraft, credit card, bank loan. In contrast to people whose only option are pay day loans at extortionate fees or the awful Brighthouse which generously allows you to pay £1,300 for a 400 quid telly. Even prepayment gas/electric rates are higher for those who top up a fiver at a time instead of being able to set up a DD on a proper meter. The poor are always made to pay more than everyone else for even the basics.

YourEggnogIsBetterThanMine · 19/12/2018 00:48

I've got holes in my boots! They aren't quite letting water in yet though. I love them but will replace them at the end of January as my Dec pay is paying for Christmas. We're reasonably well off but it's an expensive time of year. I only have one pair of boots or summery shoes. Or gym trainers. Again, we're reasonably well off, I just don't enjoy shopping.

AbsentmindedWoman · 19/12/2018 00:49

Somehow it strikes me as less bleak if it's a washing machine you're waiting to buy next month, due to it being a bigger purchase needing more cash flow. Maybe because a fair few folks in that situation could do a few loads of laundry at a friend's place? When my landlord was getting our new washing machine delivered it took a few days and that's what I did, and so did my friends came to our place when the same happened to them.

But shoes. I mean we all need them everyday to set foot outside, and it's been pissing rain the last few days where I am. There's no workaround for a shoe problem, if yours are letting in and you have no other options. It means wet squelching feet all day once you get to work, feeling chilly and uncomfortable.

A lot of workplaces would raise an eyebrow at shabby footwear with holes, too.

theonetowalkinthesun · 19/12/2018 00:49

Do other people consider not being able to replace a washing machine poverty? That really surprised me

HestiaParthenos · 19/12/2018 00:52

How does not owning a flat or house (or being in the process of paying the bank back after buying one) affect your estimation of whether someone is poor?

Just asking, because I get the impression that not owning property is considered as much worse in the UK than it is where I live.

If someone was able to live in a house that will eventually be their own, then I might not consider them poor if they have to save on other things.

Just living hand to mouth without being in a process of improving the situation, on the other hand ... yes, many people are much worse off, but I still do think that in a high income country, people shouldn't have to walk around in shoes with holes in them.

SleepingStandingUp · 19/12/2018 00:53

Poverty is the scarcity or the lack of a certain amount of material possessions or money. ... Absolute poverty, extreme poverty, or destitution refers to the complete lack of the means necessary to meet basic personal needs such as food, clothing and shelter

So yes, if you're shoes are broken / holey and you have no other shoes and cannot afford to replace them, then I'd consider that poverty. If you just need to wait a few weeks to replace them, or you'd rather have homey and save up to replace them with expensive shoes then that's different but footwear is a basic necessity. And I'm not in a middle class bubble. I just think any more families live in the poverty border than we want to admit and because its just their life, many don't realise that that isn't ideal.

Whatthefoxgoingon · 19/12/2018 00:53

Wet feet for a month because you don’t have a single pair of shoes that will keep your feet dry? You cannot stay warm and dry outside in the middle of winter? That’s poverty.

Unfortunately there are many people living in poverty in the UK right now. It may be “normal” but it ain’t right.

RachelDod · 19/12/2018 00:59

You can buy a pair of ballet flats in Primark for £3.50, a pair of converse style trainers for £7 and a pair of ankle boots for £8. I fully appreciate not everyone will want to wear these kind of shoes but if you can't afford to buy these and you have holes in your current shoes then yes I would be worried.

Merryoldgoat · 19/12/2018 01:01

So, if it were your child with a wet foot for a couple of months would that be ok?

I don’t have many pairs of shoes as I don’t find ones often I like. However, if one had a hole I’d be able to replace it immediately, even at Christmas and I am by no means ‘wealthy’.

I know exactly what poverty is - I grew up in real poverty. If you can’t buy essentials, which weather appropriate clothing is, you are suffering relative poverty. Sure, you might not be on the breadline, there might be many much worse off but it’s still what it is.

Original poster
abacucat · 19/12/2018 01:02

Ballet flats are not going to keep my feet dry and as I have said I have awkward shaped feet and need wide fittings with a narrow heel. Anything else will just leave me in pain.
I am not in poverty.
It is normal to have to wait to replace shoes that cost £30-£45. Yes I could get a pair for £7 now and be in pain, but that is much worse than having one wet foot.
I just think many on MN are so well off they have no idea what is normal for most people.

OP posts: