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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked at this comment about poverty?

552 replies

abacucat · 18/12/2018 23:52

I have been thinking for a few days about a comment a MNer made on a thread about poverty. She said that she has nearly been in tears because a woman at the toddler group she went to had a hole in her shoe and thus had wet feet.
I have a hole in my shoe. I got a wet foot today. I don't think this is a big deal or worthy of "nearly being in tears". Surely it is pretty normal to have to wait a bit to be able to afford to replace things like shoes?
I just do't see it as a big deal at all, and I think this comment was OTT.
AIBU?

OP posts:
persephoneplant · 19/12/2018 01:03

It might be a reflection of priorities. Some people won't mind putting up with worn-out shoes for a while when they are also spending on what other people would term luxuries, such as a £50 a month phone contract. Whilst there are too many others who can't afford the new shoes and can only just manage £5 a month for the phone.

I'm another one who has foot problems and has worn shoes with holes in because it was more comfortable and economical than wearing in the new pair, and because it was summer and the weather was usually dry. (Not being poor at the time, I'd actually hoarded 3 identical pairs because they fitted so well and so I didn't even need to take the time to buy a new pair.)

New shoes I almost invariably end up with 3-4 places per foot rubbed to bleeding level for a couple of weeks.
Do you not just cover your feet in plasters so they don't bleed? Or maybe to suggest that is not to realise that those would be unaffordable too. But during that phase with shoes I would always get through a few boxes of cheap plasters. Typically 5 plasters per foot: 3 toes, plus heel and bunion area.

Original poster
abacucat · 19/12/2018 01:06

A £50 a month mobile contract! No way. I pay £5.50 a month on my contract phone which is fine.
And I won't buy shoes that require wearing plasters. I buy decent comfy shoes and wear them until they need replacing.
I get that I am not well off. But I am not going to a foodbank poor either.

OP posts:
CrispbuttyNo1 · 19/12/2018 01:11

I have about ten pairs of boots. I often wear the pair that have a hole in the bottom and my foot gets wet. I keep meaning to get them repaired but I forget. It really isn’t always an indication of poverty.

Andrea14 · 19/12/2018 01:12

Thought of having dirty water in my shoes makes me feel sick. I think if you have to wear shoes will holes especially in the winter is considered poor. I know because I've been there 20yrs ago.😦

OvO · 19/12/2018 01:12

Not having shoes to keep your feet warm and dry sounds like poverty to me. But spending £40 on shoes sounds like big money to me so I guess you aren’t too poor. Grin

My DS has holes in his school shoes and I’m slightly poor so I’m waiting until after the holidays to buy new ones (as I do buy him decent ones, while I buy myself cheapo ones) but he has other shoes thankfully. Also thankfully his school aren’t idiots who punish the children if not wearing regulation footwear.

Perfectly1mperfect · 19/12/2018 01:22

I'm not sure I would call it poverty if you have money for food, housing and a phone contract but I would think someone who couldn't afford new shoes may be quite poor.

I suppose if I struggled for money I would try to buy shoes before they got holes in. I understand there may be other things to buy though. I find it really depressing that when people are sensible with money they are still in this situation. Something really does need to change.

OvO · 19/12/2018 01:25

Oh no, that link says I’m the poorest 10%! I’ll send you all my PayPal address. Wink

OvO · 19/12/2018 01:25

*im in

Original poster
abacucat · 19/12/2018 01:26
Grin
OP posts:
Original poster
abacucat · 19/12/2018 01:26

Obviously you should NEVER send money to strangers on the internet. Donate to your local foodbank instead.

OP posts:
OvO · 19/12/2018 01:31

You git, I couldn’t made enough for a holiday!

I am on paper poor but not actually poor. Though am probably Mumsnet poor. Grin. I saw a thread recently where someone’s Christmas bonus was 2/3rds my yearly income. Xmas Shock

Original poster
abacucat · 19/12/2018 01:32

Yes incomes on here are something else.

OP posts:
jessstan2 · 19/12/2018 01:32

It's all relative.

I can remember my husband having holes in his shoes in the late 1980s, early 90s and me having one pair of shoes repaired all the time, when they were really beyond repair. Those were hard times.

I don't look at people's shoes but if I did happen to notice someone with a hole in their shoe (& they only appeared to have one pair), it would strike a chord in me and I can imagine welling up. I'd probably bung some money in an envelope and put it through their letter box anonymously in the middle of the night.

The person who started the other thread couldn't help how she felt, she wasn't tactlessly saying it to the person with the holey shoe.

It's a wake up call, we are experiencing austerity in this country again. It may not affect many of us this time around but it's there and we need to do all we can to end poverty - especially poverty for children. In the meantime we can apply 'first aid' with donations to charities, food banks and practical help if we are able.

However, most people do have more than one pair of shoes, frankly, and good charity shops sell quite a selection..

StoppinBy · 19/12/2018 01:35

I wear orthotics because I have bad feet, because I also roll my feet (even with the orthotics) I actually put a hole in the side of my shoe where my little toe is really quickly, it annoys me no end but I often wear them for a month or more before replacing them because other than that hole they are still in great nick.

I have to admit I have taken to keeping an eye out for good brands of runners (I live in runners) that come up for sale on my local Buy/Swap/Sell pages as either barely worn or brand new. I have saved so much doing this which makes me feel a bit better about replacing the shoes every 4 - 5 months. My last pair of asics cost me $30.00 and were brand new as the lady bought the wrong size but hadn't wanted to take them back.

On the other hand a lady at my daughter's kinder had shoes that were all flappy any I did actually feel really sad about that, it bothered me enough that I actually talked to my hubby about whether we should help her out (decided to wait a little as we didn't want to offend her and they were replaced a week or two later).

Original poster
abacucat · 19/12/2018 01:38

Okay maybe I am poor on MN terms. I bought a new winter coat two months ago when I could have used that money for new shoes. But even my mum said my old winter coat was so bad I was beginning to look like a bag lady - she was exaggerating, but it really did need replacing.
But in general terms. I don't think I am in poverty.

OP posts:
persephoneplant · 19/12/2018 01:39

And I won't buy shoes that require wearing plasters. I buy decent comfy shoes and wear them until they need replacing.

Your feet mustn't be as different from the shape of normal shoes. There is no such thing for me as shoes that require no plasters to wear in, other than soft fabric mule slippers - unless possibly I were to get shoes specially made. Even shoes that will stay on and will be possible to wear in comfortably are a lot of work to find. My feet don't look particularly weird to the untrained eye, but podiatrists have been known to exclaim.

babydreamer1 · 19/12/2018 01:40

I don't think that's normal at all, I too would feel very sad for another mum with a hole in her shoe. Basic clothes and shoes are a necessity and I define poverty as going with out necessary items. You shouldn't have to walk around with holes in your shoes OP.

Original poster
abacucat · 19/12/2018 01:41

Ah okay apologies.
They are wide at the toes, but with a very narrow heel. I find only wide lace ups fit comfortably. Anything else that is wide enough at the toes, just slips off at the heel.

OP posts:
ImogenTubbs · 19/12/2018 01:44

Surprised more people haven't mentioned getting shoes repaired. You can get a whole new sole put on for less than another decent pair. It does cost more than a crap pair from Primark, but I had a pair of cowboy-style boots re-soles for £15 that had holes in the soles. They weren't easily replaceable and they are still going strong. I've had them at least ten years and they get worn every winter.

AmIIntrouble · 19/12/2018 01:53

Poor lady, I think if she knew she will able to afford new shoes next "pay day" she wouldn't have been this emotional do you think?

I get wet feet with some of my cheap shoes even without holes! Never those £10 shoes again!

steff13 · 19/12/2018 02:03

They are wide at the toes, but with a very narrow heel.

Like ducks' feet?

BarbaraofSevillle · 19/12/2018 05:15

Agree about priorities. You can't decide if someone is in poverty because they can't afford to replace shoes or a washing machine without looking at their whole financial picture.

No spare money after basic bills/food/travel or not even sufficient income to cover these things, a person is likely to be in poverty. A basic level of clothing and footwear and money to replace essential household appliances is also a normal household expense.

But not having a small emergency fund of a few hundred pounds when you have a £50 a month phone contract or buy your lunch rather than taking packed lunch to work is not poverty, it's poor budgeting because shoes and washing machines will need replacing periodically so need to be saved for.

floribunda18 · 19/12/2018 05:20

It's very different for me that it was a tiny child with wet feet, not an adult who had decided to wait until they got paid to buy a new pair of shoes.

Bluebonnieblue · 19/12/2018 05:32

I ALWAYS have a hole in my shoe omg I don't know how I do it. Drives me crazy.