To be shocked at this comment about poverty?

[abacucat]

I have been thinking for a few days about a comment a MNer made on a thread about poverty. She said that she has nearly been in tears because a woman at the toddler group she went to had a hole in her shoe and thus had wet feet.
I have a hole in my shoe. I got a wet foot today. I don't think this is a big deal or worthy of "nearly being in tears". Surely it is pretty normal to have to wait a bit to be able to afford to replace things like shoes?
I just do't see it as a big deal at all, and I think this comment was OTT.
AIBU?

that they have no idea how ordinary people live.

on this YABU, but not your OP.

I grew up dirt poor, waking up on xmas day with not one present under the tree, only meal I had was school meals, and at one point could not go to school as my parents could not afford the school uniform.

I'm as ordinary as the next person, and ensured before I had children I would not bring them into a life of poverty.

But I don’t see how not being able to instantly afford to replace a washing machine (unless you’re buying it on credit) is poverty? That’s at least a couple of hundred pounds on an unexpected expense, there must be lots of families who have to budget their income who couldn’t afford to just spend £200? I think calling that poverty is a bit offensive to the many people out there who literally can’t afford to live.

I think it's more to do with the impact of not having one. For many, a washing machine is an essential item. Launderettes are few and far between these days (there isn't one within 10 miles of where I live) and I was told by a client a while ago that to wash and dry a load of laundry at the launderette cost £10. Even if you have a launderette at the bottom of your road, 20 loads of laundry done at a launderette will cost as much as a new machine, which will do all your laundry for (hopefully) a few years. So you end up worse off because of being poor, like the guy with the $10 boots.

If you live where I do (a town of 20k population in built up SE), the fares to get to the launderette would be the best part of another £10, and it would take you most of the day to get there and back.

For most families, doing laundry by hand simply isn't practical and you would quickly run out of space to hang it while it dripped dry. Not being able to replace a washing machine is at best a big inconvenience and can be damn near a catastrophe.

I also think that the fact a lot of of posters think it's NOT poverty to have to wear shoes with holes in because of insufficent funds shows how inured we've become to the fact that many people can't afford to meet their basic needs. Dry feet is pretty basic imo, and it horrifies me that not being able to afford to keep them dry is seen as normal in one of the world's richest countries.

School shoes in Tesco are about a tenner so they're very cheap. My eldest needs a pair of school shoes (I had to superglue the sole on them so they weren't flapping whilst walking) and both dc need some trainers but I don't have £30 for all three pairs (if I spent that we'd have no food for half the week) so will have to buy them in stages. It's neverending because as well as wearing their shoes out they keep growing, obviously, and go through them at a rate of knots. Meanwhile I've had mine for 3 years now and they're still going strong.

But had the person casting judgement on the lady with holes in her shoes verified that wasn’t out of choice? I have holes in my shoes from choice. I have a pair of boots I’ve only noticed have holes in this week. I’m not sure how to go about repairing them without wearing them and they’re my only pair of warm boots.

They were £10 in a new look sale so cheap in the first instance and I don’t want to spend anything now before Christmas. I’m not in poverty. School runs are over for me so I’m waiting until January to sort them out. I can make do for now and wear my holey shoes. . I don’t think it’s a verified technique to judge poverty on anyway.

I've never worn my shoes enough to get a hole, soles worn down may be but that's it. I'd always have a back up pair or 4 anyway. I'm not particularly rich but I do priorities shoe buying over other things and tend to buy reliable brands, on sale.

I do think this would be an indicator of poverty, yes.

I think it is very normal to not be able to afford new shoes straight away. My children have been to school with gaff Tape in the sole of their shoes before now. I would not be moved to tears if I saw this lady, unless she was upset by not having any decent shoes. I would then feel for her, but it takes a lot for me to be moved to tears!!

I'd consider only having 1 pair of shoes and not being able to replace them poverty. I'd feel awful if my DC had to go to school with a hole in their shoes

**abacucat

I am with you greensleeves. I think there are so many very well off people on this site, that they have no idea how ordinary people live.**

^My household both earn well under average wage. But we have never had holes in our shoes. We also have more than one pair.

To me, the OP lives in poverty.

@Donthugmeimscared well if you’re regularly living on beans by this stage of the month, assuming pay day is still almost two weeks away, then I’d say you were living in (relative) poverty as well.

It’s not normal for even children to have holes in their shoes, it’s an indication of poverty. I am really saddened by people who think it is. I understand popping some glue on something until payday but the cost of items such as School shoes is cheaper than ever, supermarkets and even Facebook selling sites. If you have to consider shoes vs food you are poor. Personally in my own mind it would be making a poor choice if I chose not to replace my DC shoes as ‘not that bad’ or ‘saving for something else’. Children end up in poverty through poor parent choices a lot of the time I agree. Both my parents were in work, council house, both smoked and drank and went to the pub. We still only had clothes from jumble sales, charity and often they were in a poor state. We were bullied for it

I think it's pretty obvious that people will have different ideas of what constitutes 'poor', depending on their own level of wealth. It would be surprising if this were not the case tbh.

I don’t think it should be normal to have to wait until payday to get a pair of shoes.

I have shoes with holes in them that I still wear (wellies - which is clearly ridiculous - and trainers) and I have plenty of money (household income is 6 figure, 3 dc in private school). I also have a coat with a half ripped off pocket that I often stick on for dog walks and school runs. I honestly just don’t prioritise these things and am generally just a bit of a scruff . I doubt anyone at school thinks I am in dire poverty because my coat is ripped - maybe, in that sense, it’s a luxury!

I've worn shoes with holes many times while I waited for payday (or a couple of paydays) to be able to replace them.

When very poor indeed, I went months wearing my 11 year old's old outgrown shoes as even a five quid pair of shoes would have left us unable to eat after I'd prioritised new shoes for DS rather than myself. It was very fortunate that he'd just outgrown the size I took or I'd have been stuffed!

littlepeas - I bet they do you know

I think it's pretty obvious that people will have different ideas of what constitutes 'poor', depending on their own level of wealth. It would be surprising if this were not the case tbh.

I agree with this. When you have physically been unable to afford food and needed hand outs from family a holey shoe doesn't seem that bad.

I'm in a very poor area, I think that might also cloud my judgement.

I can remember my mum crying when she saw how busted up my school (only) shoes were and they were pretty cheap ones from the market as I recall anyway. She couldn’t replace them.

I have maybe 4 pairs of boots, 4 pairs of trainers, lots of going out shoes, walking boots and so on

I’m rich by my old growing up standards but probably pretty average in MN terms.

I think having only one pair of shoes is a marker of poverty.

I think UNICEF did a study and they said a child should have 3 pairs of shoes- school, play and other suitable for your climate. That was the minimum.

Poverty to me is not having any alternatives or choices and it makes me furious that hardworking ordinary people are walking about with holey shoes in this wet wet weather.

op it’s not unreasonable to wait and buy the good quality shoes you need. I think it’s the fact that you don’t have spare pair of suitable shoes.

Anyway I hope that isn’t patronising.

Cheap supermarket shoes only help if your DC have feet that are average size/width though. DS has feet so wide that Clarke sent us away saying they don't make them to fit him. He can't even get his foot inside supermarket shoes, even the 'wide fitting' ranges. I've been lucky on ebay occasionally. But his shoes always come before mine, no matter what. I don ish his feet would stop growing now he's in a size 13 though - unlikely as he's only 13. Will have to order from a circus clothing shop at this rate

OP 😒 you’re classing ‘ordinary’ as your current situation.
Whilst it may be ordinary to you but I don’t think it is at all!

ordinary in the Uk is being able to meet bills and live but struggling to afford the extras like birthdays/holidays- or unexpected costs like boiler breakdowns or car issues!

Im basing this opinion on a study my (large financial) company recently did of approx 15 million across the UK.

So I’m pretty sure ‘I can’t replace my shoes’ isn’t normal at all- it sounds like you’re on the lower end of ‘mamaging’ - but I appreciate that isn’t nice to accept.

I find, on MN, that people who are really struggling like to band together and claim it’s ‘normal’ whilst often being a bit derogatory towards those who are a little better off 🤔 like insinuating that those who don’t want around with holes in their shoes are rich! 🤔😂

There’s really no shame in struggling or being ‘poor’, neither is their shame in feeling horribly sorry for those who are!

There’s a bit more shame in trying to pretend you’re something you’re not ‘the normal’ and making out that anyone who can afford £20 new shoes must be wealthy!

Poverty is a very emotive word, maybe the people that consider it normal to have to wait do think of themselves as at least poor.

Many year ago the child poverty action group had a list of what they considered a child should have as a base level of comfort. I was sttudying educational outcomes and income levels at that time, That list had items such as a warm winter coat and appropriate footwear. Also small societal niceties like having friend round for tea occasionally and being able to have a small birthday party.

I would consider something as uncomfortable as wet feet in winter poverty.

But birds of a feather flock together. I’m from a poor background my sisters all live in circumstances which means wait for pay day or longer for essentials, I have helped them out financially, I’m about to pay for one to have some dental work done. Their reality is no longer mine but their friends that also work in minimum wage jobs live like them so it is all quite normal within their peer group.

My DH's shoes are falling apart and we can't afford to replace them, mainly because I have to order them online as he has big feet and I can't buy him shoes in a shop, so they are expensive. We do struggle though, we manage to have enough for bills and food, but once they are paid don't have much else left and what is left goes on our 2 DC, for clothes etc.

and ensured before I had children I would not bring them into a life of poverty.

Go get yer smug bastard medal. Must be amazing knowing no one who provides will ever die/become/disabled/leave/be made redundant.

Plan ahead all you want, but life sometimes comes the cunt, and then there's fuck all you can do.

The comment seems OTT to me.

I have a hole in my shoes. I can't afford to replace them until after xmas but I have a pair of no work shoes that don't have holes so I'm wearing the OK shoes to work then changing over when I get there. I don't see this as poverty tbh.

poverty was when I had holes in my only pair of shoes and I used Old swipe cards glued in under the insole to stop it wearing through the insole too. I wore them like that for a 6/7 weeks i think whilst I saved and looked for a decent second hand pair.

I wear my shoes till they wear out and have holes in, so I might wear them a couple of times until I realise/get a new pair. I wouldn't generally replace something until it was worn out, but I'm not poor! It's just seems sensible to me.