To ask you for your funny sleep talking stories?

[Difranco123]

I’ll kick things off. My dw is a chef and frequently wakes me up by ordering me to “take this to table three now!”. Recently she shook me awake to urgently tell me my cousin was on the bookshelf and needed talking down?!

My husband has moments in work where everything is really fast paced and he will sometimes run scenarios in his sleep talking to me as if I am his employee. He is very impatient in doing this.

"It was just some kisses..." followed by, "for gods SAKE, who will go downstairs and turn off all these lights?!" That was a couple of nights ago from DH.

DH once sat up suddenly from sleeping, stock still and straight in bed, turned to me and said "I don't k ow how much longer I can cope with living on Mars"

*know

One night my DD's voice came over the monitor saying "awww mummy thank you for the mango" she was 3 and we were on holiday with 2 of our friends, so it was me, my DH, my friend and my DH's friends all day around looking at each other like wtf.

Also on the same holiday she got up one morning and said my daddy came in my room last night and stole my teddy, the teddy was still in the room, she dreamt the whole thing.

I was on a residential trip at uni and slept in a dorm room with a bunch of people. Me and another girl woke up a good few of them by both sleep talking and having an odd conversation about opening a parcel. Neither of us had a clue about it in the morning!

I got a sleep talking app a few years ago, found out i said some bizarre stuff ...shouted very loudly 'foxes in boxes' a lot and also ' where are the chickens?...oh they're in the car!' ...stopped using it as it freaked me out 😆

Foxes in boxes, I love it!

The first time I stayed at my exes house I woke him up demanding to know if he had made the cake and to hurry up or we'll be late for the bake sale. He said I think you're sleep talking, lie back down and I informed him that actually HE was sleep talking and where is the cake?!

I have also dreamed that I am late for a party, where I jump up out of bed, urgently pull on a pair of jeans and then jump straight back in to bed and go back to sleep

Also have woken up between my wall and bed with the bed pulled out looking for my pet that I dreamt fell down the gap

@Spicylolly brilliant

Checking on Ds1 one night, he shouted 'I'm not a tree' then roared like a lion 🦁

DS2 was in my bed one night when he was about 6. We were staying with family. He was finding one of his cousins a bit full on. He started calling out “No [cousin’s name] stop it.” and thumped me 3 times

An ex of mine very clearly announced in his sleep ‘Sucking the goodness out of a pigeon’. It became our euphemism for doing fxxx all!

When I was a student I went through a phase of sleepwalking and sleeptalking. In my sleep I managed to phone my friend at around 3am and left a voicemail on her parents house phone (it was the olden days) advising them that they werent to worry about the green monster because whilst it was looking at me it was probably blind and could I possibly have a cake for my birthday but they werent to post it. They called me the next morning slightly concerned about my mental health!

Before I knew that my partner speaks, swears, walks & so on in his sleep, we had watched a video on Youtube about skywalkers jumping off cliffs.

In the middle of the night he jumps out of bed, runs to the wardrobe, starts swearing not to do it and then "baaaaaaa" "baaaaaaaa" "baaaaaaaaaaaaa" and he shouted for the sheep to get out of the way :)

In the video of the skywalker at the end all you heard was cow bells so I'm assuming in his dreams he turned them into sheep and was more afraid for the sheep getting squashed than the skywalker dying :)

Sucking the goodness out of a pigeon

My new favourite saying 😆😆😆😆

Dd blethers away, the oddest thing is you can actually have conversations with her and she'll not remember at all the next day.

But the best one I went in her room to put some laundry away once she was fast asleep, lying snoring then next thing she stood up on the bed, did the entire Macarena dance then laid back down went back into deep sleep! Hilarious!! The weird part was if I'd asked her to do Macarena while awake at that point she'd have struggled to remember al the moves!

During a stressful period at primary she was sleep walking to the point I had to lock the front door AND hide the keys, kept waking to find her doing an unlocking motion with her hands at the front door.

My daughter who was about 6 at the time I went in her room to check on her and as I opened the door she shouted 'no go away! I'm a toilet '

When I was on a school camp apparently I said, '(sister's name), Mummy says to put a tree stump on your head to keep warm.'
Last night I woke both myself and DH by screaming. I hope the upstairs neighbours didn't hear

When my DS was little he popped up beside me in the middle of the night stared at the pillow then stared at me and declared 'Mummy why did you eat my bun'!!? For months after anytime he was cross at me he acccused me of eating his bun.😂😂😂

Also my friend who often talks and walks in her sleep when stress used to regularly tuck her husband in and try to feed him the baby's bottle!! 😄😄

DH once fell asleep whilst describing something he's seen on TV. I hadn't watched it and it sounded ridiculous so I'd been laughing and refusing to believe he actually saw it.

Two minutes after he fell asleep he sat up, shook me by the shoulder and shouted "SEE!?"

He'd started dreaming about whatever it was he'd seen, and thought I could see it too

DH sleep talks in dramatic style.

Once he screamed at me to put my jeans on quick because there was a fire in the house (DM's house). I believed him as his eyes were wide open and he had begun getting dressed himself. When I couldn't get them on quick enough for his liking, he yelled some more. He woke up to find me sobbing at the foot of the bed with my trousers around my ankles, having twigged there was no fire. He was very apologetic!

Another time I woke up to see him sat on the edge of the bed, fiddling with something. Thinking I'd caught him in the act, I asked him what on earth he was doing. He turned around, eyes wide, and said, "None of your business." Turns out he was pairing socks

I shared a bedroom with my sister, as children. I woke up one night to hear her (fully asleep) having a full-on argument- both sides. Even more impressive, one side of the argument was in a different language (we are bilingual).

My 7yo occasionally sleep-talks. Always on the same theme. She’s organising activities for a group of kids. She gets quite officious and bossy about transgressions of the rules, and people keeping to their turn! I love it when it happens. I’m hoping to record it one day, and play it at her 21st

These are all hilarious, especially the sleep Macarena

I've done a fair few weird things over the years. My sister and i have discussed the finer points of pensions administration whilst both being asleep (many would say that's enough to induce a coma anyway).

I have frequently all my life let out blood curdling screams in my sleep. Not great when bunking down in a church hall with 30 other people... I also have a habit of performing sex acts on my husband. Completely freaked him out at first and tried to stop me. I punched him very hard and continued. Now he just enjoys it or gets frustrated when I stop mid way through. I've also been known to punch him thinking he's a giant eagle.