An ex used to sleep walk and talk and, freakily could sleep with his eyes open standing up. One day, in the “falling in love” stage, he had been quite poorly and we were stood in a busy place surrounded by people. I was chatting away happily when he turned to me, stared incredulously right into my eyes for a few seconds and then looked disgusted at me. I said “What? Are you alright?” and he said “Bit harsh, wasn’t it?”. Then stared ahead into space. I asked him what I’d done or what he thought I’d said and he just kept staring ahead. I said his name really loud and he turned and looked at me, again staring into my eyes and turned back again without saying a word. He ignored me for the rest of the day.
I was in such a state thinking he’d misheard what I said but the next day he came up behind me, wrapped his arms round me and kissed my neck like nothing had happened. I asked him about the day before and he had NO recollection. He said he couldn’t even remember most of the day before but he’d taken flu relief and that must have knocked him out and he was sleeping on his feet. God knows how he had got home.
We also went camping with mates and on several occasions he would go missing in the night. We’d find him hopping round the woods in his sleeping bag like a giant kangaroo, eyes wide open. He’d occasionally stop and glance around, a bit like a meerkat. At these times he wouldn’t show any signs of considering himself to be a human so we’d have to sort of round him up and coax him back into the tent/cabin. It sounds funny but it was quite unnerving and also dangerous if we were up in the hills or near water.
I apparently sleep talk frequently. As a teenager sharing a bed on holiday with my Mum I had a prolonged, very loud orgasm. Interesting feat seeing as I’d never had one in real life. As a small child my Mum also found me sat upright patting the duvet. She asked what I was doing and in a very adult, responsible voice said, “Why sorting the post, of course! There’s so much of it.” I once did a whole routine that I don’t remember;
Me “Shhhhhhhhh!”
Them (waking from a deep sleep) “What!”
Me (whispering frantically): Oh my God! Don’t you hear it? Oh my God! WHAT IS IT?”
Them “What? What is it?”
Me “Shhhhh. Oh my God I’m so scared! Just be quiet. Don’t make a sound.”
Them: “But what do you hear?”
Me (desperately): “Shhhhh. Please.”
Seconds later. Partner terrified lying there...Me: snores
They never got back to sleep.
A couple of weeks ago I apparently said, in teacher mode, “ERRRRRRRM! Just WHAT do you think you’re doing?! I don’t find that particularly funny, DO YOU?”
enough pause for him to think I’d finished
Me; “Don’t do it again...” rolls over in disgust like I’ve just dropped the mic.
The other posts on here have made me lmao, thanks really needed this!