To ask for your “not so Mumsnet” life hacks

[anothernameagain000]

While I’m a sucker for great tips to save time on ironing, cut down my cooking times and being a domestic whizz, as it’s friday evening and I’m bored - tell me your more down to earth tips... such as - “carry a spare hairband in a nightclub to help those throwing up to keep hair back, or the best way to get out stains when baby just crapped on your new carpet!

No one?

Don’t have carpets with children. Or any soft furnishings. Or anything nice.

Or any expectations at all because they will fuck it all up

Thought the spare hair band was for some other use 🤔 I call them Gobble bobbles

You can cook potato waffles in a toaster.

Gobble bobbles = best thing I’ve ever read.

Put just washed clothes onto hangers before you put them on the line to dry, the creases fall out whilst drying so they don't need ironing and it saves time pegging and unpegging

Have a couple of drinks and some melatonin on an overnight flight. I don't think you are really supposed to give either of them to the children so probably only when flying without them.

Carry a sachet of ketchup in your purse at all times in case of a food emergency and a tissue incase of a no loo roll incident

Washing up liquid is pretty effective on most baby messes. Ds has shit and puked on the carpet multiple times and you would never know. Hair spray is also a must have product if kids like to draw on furniture/walls.
Movie nights are a popular choice in this house when I cba cooking and want a few hours peace, Harry potter (long movie) crisps, cake, ice cream, sweets and microwave pizzas. Don't think many mn'ers would approve of all that sugary fattening crap and lazyness

I read a brilliant tip on an old mumsnet thread I think it was about 2014.

The poster said she pretends to have a large amount of dogs, cats, birds etc as pets and then no one questions her dishevelled appearance. Genius!

Hello if that’s you! You made me smile.

Kids don’t like the food you have cooked, take it back in to the kitchen for a few minutes then bring it back out calling it a different name...

Chocolate cheesecake becomes...mud pie
Chicken fajitas become....chicken roll ups
Fish fingers become...chicken fingers
And so on... also works on husbands

Keep your sunglasses on at all times while in garden, then when your dc say "watch this/me" for the eleventy billionth time they can't tell whether your eyes are on them or the book/phone you have in your hand!

Leave vacuum in hall so even if house a tip, it looks like you are about to do something (in case of the dreaded unexpected visitor). Ideally, pile of towels or laundry to hand too.

How does the gobble bobble work!? I'm intrigued

Tips?put kids in nursery at 6mth,jog back to,work.never marry.dont take his surname

The goggle bobble has made my night

Tentothree I always do this😂

Gobble bobble

oh when having people over - just spray furniture polish in the air - don’t actually polish - it gives the smell of “clean”

When your kids are acting up in public, threaten to start dancing. Mine almost weep with embarrassment at the thought, and it's effective in stopping the bickering/stroppiness.

I have passed this tip on to lots of people and it's very effective! The kids are approaching the self-conscious age whereas we are in the 40something not-giving-a-shit years, it's a perfect storm. dusts off some Bez moves while husband pretends to be trapped in a phonebox in 1983*

Gobble Bobble!!!

To be fair, after a few years of marriage, blow jobs are no longer a spontaneous act of lust. More of a planned event.

Make agreements with your good friends and family that you won’t tidy up for them and they don’t need to tidy up for you. Also get yourself a sofa bed and a travel cot and have sleepovers - my friend comes over with her DD. She puts DD to bed and I put DS to bed and we drink wine, then go to bed. I can absolutely guarantee that hangover parenting is more fun and much funnier when there’s two of you and you just say fuck it let’s go for breakfast at McDs and let the kids run riot

Wear sports kit on school run so you don't have to put make up on or do hair as you are clearly about to go for a run. Then slink back home and drink coffee

Thought the spare hair band was for some other use 🤔 I call them Gobble bobbles

That took me a minute!! Ffs. I have one on each wrist at all times 3 dd's and piss annoying hair myself, I'm well sorted