To ask for your “not so Mumsnet” life hacks

[anothernameagain000]

While I’m a sucker for great tips to save time on ironing, cut down my cooking times and being a domestic whizz, as it’s friday evening and I’m bored - tell me your more down to earth tips... such as - “carry a spare hairband in a nightclub to help those throwing up to keep hair back, or the best way to get out stains when baby just crapped on your new carpet!

@dreaming that reminds me of an old one. Before we had smartphones and digital cameras - smear Vaseline over the camera lens to create a soft focus look

If the doorbell rings and it's a chugger or Jehovah's Witness just don't answer it. Don't hide, wave cheerfully if you like, through the window but don't go and open the door and be forced into a conversation you don't want. It's your house! What are they going to do? Break in? Ditto spam calls just hang up. If it's unsolicited it doesn't require your participation. On the street a firm "No" usually does the job or ignore.

Never understand why people put themselves in the position of making up excuses or listening to the bloody script at all.

Whatever the organisation, never ever join a committee, especially never as the treasurer. It's unrelenting ball-ache.

Not built I have recently discovered this assertiveness on the phone. I usually go with "can I stop you there? I'm not interested thank you, good bye"
Or if I'm at work I tell them I'm at work and not allowed to take calls, which my team find very amusing.

Oh! Always carry flipflops in your handbag. I won't buy a bag that can't carry my flops.

I only have bags that can carry a bottle of wine.

If you are ever handed a plastic bag with wet clothes in from an accident in reception or nursery - stick the whole thing in the washer (if the bag is knotted make a hole). The clothes will wash clean and come out of the bag.

If you like Ikea and don't care about football England matches are a great time to have the place virtually to yourself.

Following on from sashh, if your given poop clothes at daycare bin them and move on. Accidents happen and life is too short to spend half an hour scrubbing shit only for the clothes to have a faint stain in them anyway. I have my kids in cotton or wool and their clothes which are being binned go into the fire pit. It's wonderful tinder material for getting the fire going. The smell of shit doesn't last beyond the first 30 seconds. Obv the plastic bag gets put in the trash.

Agree. My children are older now but I used to ask nursery to put the odd pair of (poo) accident pants on the bin. They never did. But they grow out of them so fast, we always have loads of pants

Enjoy peace and quiet at work by convincing all of your colleagues that you are useless at organising the Christmas do/changing the toner in the printer/filling the paper towel dispenser in the loo...

Relationship getting a bit tame and comfortable? Try moving house... The mild accusations of people not pulling their weight with packing can add a real frisson of excitement to your lives!

And a slightly sensible one now. Paper plates. Christmas? Festive paper plates for sandwich lunch and cakes etc. Someones birthday? Paper plates make every meal seem like a party meal. No more tedious washing up or playing the 'hunt the crockery' game around the house.

If your kids have a few friends round for tea, make life really easy for yourself by putting kid friendly knives, bread, butter, pack of ham, pack of sliced cheese, bag of prepped lettuce and some ketchup, houmous and crisps on the table and tell them that as a VERY SPECIAL TREAT they can make their own sandwiches anyway they like. It's so much better than trying to do it yourself and then you don't get some annoying little git saying "I don't liiiiike buttterrrr on my bread". Then when they've finished tell them that if they tidy everything away nicely they each get a biscuit :)

Our nursery washes and dries clothes that have been involved in accidents. They have never given back dirty clothes.

Put a sign on your front door saying that you have a baby asleep and not to disturb unless it's a delivery for your address. Nobody will bother you.

At weekend I made myself cocktail in one of dd's old bottles! It was ideal, could measure all the shots easily, add ice and shake! No cocktail shaker needed!

A frozen Ella’s fruit pouch mixed with a shot makes a delicious daiquiri.

When trying to get chatty neighbours off the doorstep train your 9 year old to go upstairs after a few minutes to dial house phone from your mobile " must go..."

Likewise when relatives won't get off the phone, teach nine year old to ring doorbell "sorry, must go...."

Love this thread!
When DSC have been banned from their phone/switch/tablet for a misdemeanour by their dad and it is Friday, say to them "if you do [insert very easy chore like feed the dog] for me now you can have your phone/switch/tablet back when you get up in the morning". Voila, you have a weekend lie in. When DH realises you undermined his parenting he will be so grateful for the lie in he won't mind and you can justify it by telling him how good they were doing chores for you.

Tell small DC that the sweets and chocolate around supermarket tills are spicy and chilli flavoured, for grown ups only.

Doesn’t work with mine as they like food that’s spicy and chilli flavoured 🙄. Even more so than me 🤪

That reminds me of the “chocolate goes off in the fridge overnight” wheeze (only for very small children though)

Chocolate has been known to evaporate in our house... hard to believe but true.

@helena all chocolate self distructs at bedtime

Chocolate bars are called mummy sticks. Tip for nursing mothers is to go for dark chocolate as it has less sugar. Milk chocolate makes some kids irritable.

If a toddler starts screaming/ranting/howling at you, make the same noise back. They get cross because you’re not allowed to do that shit, but they DO shut up. NB you can’t do this in public though.

Only feed toddlers toast or sandwiches to reduce the mess. Save porridge/spag bol etc for the weekend when daddy is there to clean it up.

Paracetamol and water next to the bed before you even go out.
*
Tactical vom when you get back

Fresh as a wilted daisy the next day.*

When I used to do this in my more hedonistic days, I used to feel smug as fuck at past me, when future me would roll in pissed as a fart and remember what past me has done

Past me was not so reliably conscientious, however

However luckily my DH was and is

I'd gone out with some very old mates and told him I didn't know what time I'd be back

When I rolled in at stupid o'clock I saw he'd cleared all the crap I'd left on the bedroom floor getting ready out of the way so I wouldn't trip over, gone to sleep in the spare room so I could crash around making noise, and left me paracetamol, a bottle of water, a can of fat coke (aka little red ambulance) and a packet of salt and vinegar crisps on the bedside table for me

Utter lifesaver

I am not sharing. He is mine!

If you get stuck talking on the phone with your MIL and want to get rid of her, walk over to where DH is and say "sorry MIL, DH is grabbing the phone off me" and then thrust the phone at your DH. He has to accept the phone (as it's his mum after all) although mine usually makes a few impolite gestures at me as I gleefully skip away.

sorry MIL, DH is grabbing the phone off me
Genius Sadly my MIL would never believe that. But brilliant image nevertheless!

BananaFish - sounds like an absolute keeper. But if ever you get bored, please do let us know.

Killing myself at "tactical vom". I frequently deploy the enforced honk after a few too many. Works wonders.