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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be terrified that he won't believe me?

128 replies

didyouseetheflaresinthesky · 20/07/2018 17:54

I'm currently having CBT for anxiety/depression. I've done 4 sessions and it isn't helping and in our last session he was asking me questions to do with the way I relate to people and I was getting quite frustrated because I didn't know the answer. I was chewing over it this morning and it it hit me like a tank. I know the answer, I know what it all goes back to. Everything just slotted neatly together.

When I was a 9 there was a one off incident of sexual abuse. No one ever found out, I didn't even think it particularly affected me and I never told a living soul, even continued to have contact with my abuser for a further year.

If I tell my therapist about this epiphany, what if he doesn't believe me? I haven't said anything in 4 sessions, its all been about anxiety so far. Until yesterday I didn't even think it bothered me, it was just a vaguely disturbing childhood memory. Though I do think of it more as his daughter gets closer to the age I was. I don't think she is at risk, he was only a teen at the time and I think he was more misguided than anything.

Anyway what my question is amongst all that rambling is do you think I should tell my therapist? Or keep it shut and just deal? Will he believe me? Will he think I'm just looking for sympathy?

OP posts:
limon · 20/07/2018 17:56

S/He will believe you.

I believe you and I am so sorry.

It took me a long time to open up to anyone about abuse, my therapist believed me. They are very used to this kind of scenario.

selfishcrab · 20/07/2018 17:57

He will be believe you, why would he not ( un-MN hug) and if you want to tell your therapist then tell him.
Remember the therapy is for you and not him.

Bambamber · 20/07/2018 17:58

Tell your therapist, I honestly can't see why he would disbelieve you

Vashna · 20/07/2018 17:59

Of course you should tell your therapist and they will absolutely believe you. This is their job! Well done for coming to this point and don’t please keep going.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 20/07/2018 17:59

What makes you think he wouldn't he believe you?

Vashna · 20/07/2018 17:59

Please keep going (not don’t). Sorry!

SandunesAndRainclouds · 20/07/2018 18:00

I believe you.

My daughter turning the age I was when something happened to me was hugely triggering but took me ages to realise.

PhilomenaFogg · 20/07/2018 18:04

Yes. I used to be a therapist. The idea behind it is for the client to see the cause for themselves so you have had a breakthrough. It will help you move on with yr therapy. No reason not to be believed. All the best with the rest of yr sessions. Don't hold this info back it's a safe place to share it and you need to let it out. Flowers

Ohyesiam · 20/07/2018 18:04

Op, I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, and I really understand your fear. But In my experience you will be believed. abuse breaks your trust mechanism, amongst other things.
When I first started healing from my abuse 25 years ago, there were many days when I almost didn’t believe myself.

There’s a book called The Courage to Heal which I found very helpful x

MonoClue · 20/07/2018 18:07

They will believe you.
Sometimes we blank out memories because they’re too difficult to deal with; it’s perfectly normal human response. Then something happens or there’s a trigger which brings the memory forward.
My daughter is seeing a psychologist at the moment and has had a few breakthrough memories, her psychologist has been fantastic at helping her find coping strategies to work through them.
In the meantime look after yourself and try to be kind to yourself.

Original poster
didyouseetheflaresinthesky · 20/07/2018 18:07

I don't know. It just seems like something like that would be the first thing I should have mentioned when it comes to relationship problems. I just seem to be dropping a different bombshell on him every session. Last week I turned over 8 boxes of antidepressants, a box of heavy duty painkillers and 4 boxes of beta blockers and asked him to take them away from me because I couldn't trust myself with them. He asked me then if that was everything, was there anything else I was holding back and I said no and agreed no bloody secrets. I'm not exactly lending myself much credibility.

OP posts:
tiredybear · 20/07/2018 18:09

Be gentle on yourself! you're having therapy because you have admitted you need help! Tell your therapist the truth, that's what they are there for.

spunkymom22 · 20/07/2018 18:11

You are doing just exactly what you should be doing in therapy!! You weren't holding back a "secret" at all, you only just now made the connection and remembered what happened. Just take the chance; tell him and see how it goes. You are super brave, doing the therapy, and you will get through this, too.

combatbarbie · 20/07/2018 18:14

Of course he will believe you, it will also help him help you. I'm doing EMDR and have unlocked many jigsaw pieces including a forgotten memory, tbf it was a horrible one and my brain had just lodged it in a non accessible place...

MonoClue · 20/07/2018 18:18

He won’t see it as you keeping a secret. It’s a breakthrough and a HUGE one at that.
He’s more likely to appreciate that you feel safe confiding in him. That’s his job.

Original poster
didyouseetheflaresinthesky · 20/07/2018 18:18

I don't even know how I'm going to start tbh. I haven't ever voiced it. Some things I've written down for him but this seems more important to say it. Like if I can't say it to him, then I'll never say it to anyone.

OP posts:
MonoClue · 20/07/2018 18:25

Take a deep breath and if it helps close your eyes and just say it out loud.
Or try practicing saying it out loud if you feel up to it.
Writing it down is also a good idea.
Whatever you feel able to do is your best way.
You’ve told us, that was so brave of you.
You can do it OP, we believe you and we also believe in you.
Gentle hug if you want it.

MimpiDreams · 20/07/2018 18:26

You've only had 4 sessions. Some people spend years in therapy to get to the point you're at. You're doing amazingly. He will believe you.

hibeat · 20/07/2018 18:28

I believe you.

handslikecowstits · 20/07/2018 18:31

OP, he's a therapist. He has seen it all before. Please try not to worry. You are not on trial. He's there to help you. He will believe you.

itswinetime · 20/07/2018 18:32

If we knew what our problems were we wouldn't need therapy! You haven't kept anything from him you have used what you have been learning in your sessions to look at things fresh and now have had a major breakthrough! He will believe You

Original poster
didyouseetheflaresinthesky · 20/07/2018 18:33

Writing it for a bunch of strangers is easy. It's telling it to someone face to face, especially someone I have so much respect for.

I'm absolutely shitting it. I wasn't this traumatised when it was happening as I am now, thinking about sitting across from him and just coming out with it. How do you even start that conversation? He knows there is something major I need to tell him but not what.

OP posts:
GrannyD57 · 20/07/2018 18:35

Tell him. Therapy is a bit like peeling an onion and finding stuff you didn’t realise was there. He knows that.

fourandnomore · 20/07/2018 18:37

Your therapist is doing a good job and will believe you, no doubt about it. This is a huge breakthrough and especially so soon. I hope he can help you work through this and that the memory helps you move forward. Well done for seeking help.

TimeIhadaNameChange · 20/07/2018 18:37

Why don't you write it down for him to read, but put at the bottom that you need to talk about it you're just not sure how? He can then lead the session and, hopefully, help you open up.

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