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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my pram looks fine as it is?

127 replies

Lipsticktraces · 14/07/2018 09:58

Fairly lighthearted, but this is driving me slightly bonkers.

I’m 29 weeks with twins. First grandchildren for both sides of the family. My DM is understandably very excited about it all.

We’ve bought a Icandy Peach Blossom pram and I’m very happy with it. It looks really niceSmile

However DM is insisting that we need to “make it look prettier” with fancy pram blankets etc. I’ve tried putting one that my MIL crocheted for us over the carrycots, but I think it just looks weird. The carrycots aren’t really designed that way from what I can tell. I’ve tried explaining this to DM, but she gets shirty with me and goes on about how I need my babies to look niceConfused She’s also just bought me two highly padded, frilly pramnests that’s she’s insisting I use. Tbh they just look like a massive SIDS risk, but I daren’t tell her!

I visited yesterday and she told me her friend is going to be knitting something for the babies. I said that’s very kind of her and asked what. DM then said she’s knitting you covers for the carrycots! I tried nicely explaining that I probably won’t use covers, that sorting two babies will be time consuming enough without faffing with unessacary covers etc. It just totally falls on deaf ears.

AIBU? Is the appearance of your pram such a massive thing? Am I just an utterly lax and careless mother to be by not wanting my pram to look like a frilly cake?

OP posts:
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9
Bambamber · 14/07/2018 10:08

Buy her a toy dolly and pram and tell her she can make them as pretty as she likes. You don't need to make baby stuff look pretty, it needs to practical!

zeebeedee · 14/07/2018 10:12

She's just excited!
Say thank you, put them on once so she can see and then they might need a wash and get forgotten about at the bottom of the wash pile? You'll have much more to do .

Or thank her and sell them on - I'm sure someone will love a frilly wedding cakey pram, and use the money for something more practical

IrmaTooth · 14/07/2018 10:13

Without wanting to sound overly Hyacinth Bucket-ish — especially as I’m from towards the bottom of the WC myself — I think this is a class and generational thing. My well-meaning MIL kept doing this, despite DH ending up asking her gently to stop, as we weren’t even going to have a pushchair of any kind, as we were living up three flights of stairs in a tiny central London flat, and getting about on public transport — so a sling was most sensible. But successions of death trap frilly pram covers and crochet blankets and lurid matinée jackets (some of which cost a fortune and had been specially made and customised) kept showing up. It turned she thought people were going to ‘look down on us’ and think we were poor if we didn’t have a pushchair, and thought it looked bad we weren’t getting ‘nice things’ ready to welcome the baby.

LeighaJ · 14/07/2018 10:14

We have an iCandy Peach pram and think it looks plenty nice all on its own.

Just smile and nod and throw the stuff you don't want in a closet.

Original poster
Lipsticktraces · 14/07/2018 10:16

I get she’s excited. I really do. It’s just the disapproving tone she takes when I say these things aren’t really a priority for me. It makes me feel like I have to defend my choices.

She also told me last week that the babies would die of hypothermia. She’d been expressing disapproval of a baby in our town centre with no shoes on. I then pointed out it was 26 degreesGrin

OP posts:
Readyfortheschoolhols · 14/07/2018 10:17

Ask her is she suggesting your gorgeous babies won't be enough to have in the pram?? Shock

BumpInTheOven · 14/07/2018 10:17

Point out that this will interfere with the fire repellent and water repellent qualities of the pram and that you won't be using the due to safety concerns... also point out that babies need a flat plain surface (as per lullaby trust) and that they can't be used till baby is much older (and they will be lost by then ;) ) x

BumpInTheOven · 14/07/2018 10:19

Oh and don't forget to add... "although they are pretty I'm sure you're priorities are the babies health just like mine... so you'll understand why we can't use them" x

Terriblydifficult · 14/07/2018 10:20

I think you should tell her about the risk of babies being over padded etc.

SoShinySoChrome · 14/07/2018 10:22

What Bump said.

Original poster
Lipsticktraces · 14/07/2018 10:24

irmaTooth I hadn’t considered that angle. We would definitely class as WC. I’m originally from a little ex mining town in the NE. The sling thing made me Grin My DM also reacts in horror whenever I mention a sling.

Perhaps quietly just losing it all at the bottom of the washing basket is the way to go?

LeighaJ I think they look nice on their own too. Did you try putting fancy blankets etc on yours? I’ve honestly had a go to try and appease DM, but it just looks weird.

OP posts:
liquidrevolution · 14/07/2018 10:27

Keep them but don't use them on your babies. The kids will love them as blankets for their toys when they are older. Dd put her toys to bed last night and each had it's own blanket and pillow. leaving Dh wondering where all the clean tea towels were this morning

raviolidreaming · 14/07/2018 10:27

If your mum is like mine OP, then it will all fall on deaf ears amongst the infuriating confirmation bias of, 'well you survived', 'oh, how did we all survive?' and 'your generation just make things so difficult for yourselves' 🙄🙄 Stand your ground now!

HotDamnThatsGood · 14/07/2018 10:28

Your mother mad. I had twins and had a baby jogger city mini, all I did was pop a blanket over them if we were out and I thought they might get chilly.

One of the best pieces of advice I had (from a two times twin parent) was only take advice from other twin parents because singleton and twin parents experiences are a whole different ball game. It was good advice.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 14/07/2018 10:29

Why don’t you want your pram to look priddy,all fancy and crinoline
And best put a hot water bottle in there case baby gets too cold

User467 · 14/07/2018 10:33

I'd be putting my foot down quite firmly. Not because pram covers matter but becasue you need to make it clear who gets to make decisions about your babies.

I find all the frilly blankets and covers for prams really naff. We just had the cover the pram came with and a nice blanket

Original poster
Lipsticktraces · 14/07/2018 10:33

I hadn’t even thought about the fire safety aspect BumpInTheOven That’s actually a very good point.

I’ll ask her today if friend can please knit something else. I don’t want her investing all her time in something we won’t use. Some little baby clothes would be so much nicer. I love to see babies in hand knitted things.

Terriblydifficult She is quite dismissive regarding babies overheating etc. She’s the coldest person ever. She had the heating on a few days ago!

Ready My babies will be beautiful enough to grace any icandyWink

OP posts:
Spudlet · 14/07/2018 10:36

Smile and put them at the back of the airing cupboard. If questioned on their whereabouts, say you are saving them for best. I have always found 'best' to be an ill-defined occasion that basically never comes, so you should be ok with that.

Spudlet · 14/07/2018 10:38

If you need suggestions for a knitter, my mum made us a huge, chunky knit patchwork blanket. We used it for tummy time and snuggling under on the sofa. No frilly bits, and genuinely a useful and lovely thing to have!

Original poster
Lipsticktraces · 14/07/2018 10:40

liquidrevolution That’s reminded me of how I used to carry my cat around in my old baby nest. I don’t think the cat enjoyed it as much as meGrin

@raviolidreaming There’s already been some comments along those lines. Mainly from my DF in relation to him smoking and the babies.

OP posts:
Fresta · 14/07/2018 10:41

Use the blankets in the baby's room where no-one will see them.

Your MIL just sounds like she's old fashioned, and what was fashionable in her day isn't anymore.

Original poster
Lipsticktraces · 14/07/2018 10:42

See a blanket like that would be lovely Spudlet I might suggest that. I hate the thought of people spending hours making stuff I won’t use. It’s such a waste when they are being so kind in the first place.

OP posts:
Hygge · 14/07/2018 10:42

Deep breath - "I don't like that sort of thing and we won't use it."

On repeat.

People have different ideas of what looks nice and personally a frilled horror show of a pram wouldn't be for me.

WeeDangerousSpike · 14/07/2018 10:44

Just googled the pram. You cant ut anything over the carry cots - they don't work like that, they already have covers!

What you will need is something to put over the babies if it's cold. Blankets are great (rather than sleeping bags, for instance) because they are easily adjustable if baby is asleep and you are moving from inside to outside / cold to warm.

Crochet blankets are really good from a warm cellular point of view, but also good sensory texture.

My mil is a compulsive knitter, she doesn't care what colour she's using it's just the nearest ball of wool! Some horiffic colour combinations have arrived in the post!

I've found the best thing is to buy wool I really like and ask for something specific. Booties are good when they are tiny (over baby gros) and little cardigans. And hats.

Actually asking for something stems the tide of random stuff, makes mil feel valued (she is, and I can't knit for toffee!) and I get something I actually like.

MariaMadita · 14/07/2018 10:44

I’ll ask her today if friend can please knit something else. I don’t want her investing all her time in something we won’t use. Some little baby clothes would be so much nicer. I love to see babies in hand knitted things.

Good idea imo. :)

Should soften the "blow"... (Well, it's not really a blow but it might make her more likely to agree...)