To think my pram looks fine as it is?

[Lipsticktraces]

Fairly lighthearted, but this is driving me slightly bonkers.

I’m 29 weeks with twins. First grandchildren for both sides of the family. My DM is understandably very excited about it all.

We’ve bought a Icandy Peach Blossom pram and I’m very happy with it. It looks really nice

However DM is insisting that we need to “make it look prettier” with fancy pram blankets etc. I’ve tried putting one that my MIL crocheted for us over the carrycots, but I think it just looks weird. The carrycots aren’t really designed that way from what I can tell. I’ve tried explaining this to DM, but she gets shirty with me and goes on about how I need my babies to look nice She’s also just bought me two highly padded, frilly pramnests that’s she’s insisting I use. Tbh they just look like a massive SIDS risk, but I daren’t tell her!

I visited yesterday and she told me her friend is going to be knitting something for the babies. I said that’s very kind of her and asked what. DM then said she’s knitting you covers for the carrycots! I tried nicely explaining that I probably won’t use covers, that sorting two babies will be time consuming enough without faffing with unessacary covers etc. It just totally falls on deaf ears.

AIBU? Is the appearance of your pram such a massive thing? Am I just an utterly lax and careless mother to be by not wanting my pram to look like a frilly cake?

Hopefully this is simply peak 'excitement from near relatives with little opportunity for you to assert yourself without looking argumentative' phase.

Meaning - once babies are actually here you'll be so busy just doing what you want/need to do parenting them (in your own way) that there'll no longer be any time for arguments or guilt tripping about blankets.

I feel for you. My DM loves to knit. BUT - only if it's from weird patterns from the 70s in day glo nylon green wool from the corner shop.

I show her modern patterns, and offer to buy the lovely cotton yarns to make them with, but she poo poos the 'expense' and presents me with another 70s horror to put in the bottom of the chest of drawers.

Those ponchos are adorable @QueenArseClangers*

@BasicUsername I am currently pointing out to parents that things have moved on in the almost 40 years since they last had a baby. I’ve told them they also need to realise that these babies will be coming along at 37 weeks, probably smaller than average and I’ll be as protective over them as I want!

@Laiste I love a vile seventies monstrosity. Throw em my way!

Your dilemma made me smile OP. I'm 66 and remember all these fussy things (along with the huge prams) but thankfully had a DM who hated them too.
You really will have to be very firm and say you won't use these knits so please don't make or buy them. Keep saying it. Don't justify yourself, don't apologise.
When my first grandchild was born I was told about the new gro-bags babies sleep in and how duvets are now considered dangerous for newborns. I didn't think it was the case but was happy to be re-educated.

@llangennith I actually love old fashioned prams. If it was remotely practical I’d have a classic silver cross with all the trimmings. Sadly it’s 2018 and I’m going to need all the mod cons at my disposal with twins

I’m going to speak to her about the pram covers. Although I might have to keep it to myself about the frilly baby nests

Just leave her to it. It will make her happy, as long as she isn't spending loads of money she doesn't have on things why not? I assume that she isn't going to be supervising you every hour of the day so she'll never know if you're using them.

If you must explain why you won't have things IN the pram you can say ooh sorry I'm being totally paranoid but midwife says current safety recommendation is nothing in the pram with the baby at all. So yes to blankets but not for in the pram please. Or if she asks say baby got too hot with the stuff in the pram but it's great for at home.

Blankets are always useful, even if ugly - just as a surface to lay the baby on to protect your furniture, soften a hard floor, etc! The more you have the more you can wash.

Also (sorry if you already know this) if you do get given anything for car seats, bear in mind that any layer which goes under the straps, so behind the baby or between the baby and the straps, and/or replaces any part of the fabric which comes with the car seat like the cover or a head support, is not recommended due to the fact it's not safety tested. Car seat covers will have a specific texture for the right amount of friction with baby's clothing/the straps etc, will be a certain thickness, will fit exactly to the seat and usually contain flame retardant materials just in case of any explosion during an accident, whereas anything made or bought separately won't have these specific features. The only after market products you can use are those made and approved by the same car seat company.

Obviously any blanket etc which goes over the straps wouldn't apply :)

shes just keen just thank her and use them as sofa throws or keep them til the babies are older theyll love them for their dollies prams

I have an icandy peach , it's one of the most modern looking prams out so would look pretty daft with loads of faffy things on it !
Mind I also have a 1952 coachbuilt osnath too , frills and all 😆

Bloody hell. My DD is a singleton. She has a basic pushchair (dating from the early 2000s), even so we only got round to washing it for the first time when several months of reflux, banana, random splashes from the street etc, made it a bit pongy and crusty.
I can’t imagine the amount of work needed to keep a clutter-covered pushchair for twins clean.

you do get given anything for car seats, bear in mind that any layer which goes under the straps, so behind the baby or between the baby and the straps, and/or replaces any part of the fabric which comes with the car seat like the cover or a head support, is not recommended due to the fact it's not safety tested

Just to add to this. The reason for not adding layers to the child before strapping them in (particularly ‘puffy’ things like parkas) is that the straps feel taut, but then compress the clothing during strong forces (eg emergency braking or rollover) — so the strap is then not thight enough to restrain the child properly.

No blunt conversations. Be kind. She means well. Smile sweetly and say thank you. Produce them once at the beginning then quietly do your own think. We all overwrapped babies 40 years ago but we had no central heating and were outside with our babies a lot. A nice blanket can be folded down

Sorry to be utterly thick, but what would you dress a baby in when it’s gping in a car seat then? Can it not have a blanket round it? I was looking at the Tuppence and Crumble star wraps which it says are ideal for car travel? I’m happy to admit I know bugger all about babies😊

@Espressobutler That is beautiful. It’ll look great on my icandy

I'm a twin mum. I could not be fucked with any of that stuff, I mean I actually lost weight in the first 12 weeks because I was struggling to eat enough in the daytime, that's how busy I was. My family sent us all the matinee jackets and fluff and whatever and we just stuck the kids in them like one time at the weekend, took a picture and then sent them to the charity shop. Twins are often premature (they don't like you to go past 37 weeks in any case) and they tend to be very sensitive to textures and being manhandled into cardigans and all that. You want a mattress with a fitted sheet, and then a grobag or a swaddle, and anything else depends on the weather. I can enthusiastically recommend these star wraps as an alternative to a winter jacket or snow suit once they are big enough to sit up (but too little to walk) - we had them for the girls and the massive advantage is that there's no pushing or pulling to get them into them, you just lie them down on the open wrap and sort of fold it over.

Also, are you thinking about a sling? Get a sling. Even if you just use it in the house, it's so helpful in the early days when they still want to sleep on you all day. The Weego is excellent as you can use it virtually from day one.

I was looking at the Tuppence and Crumble star wraps which it says are ideal for car travel

They are! You can get a five point harness round them no bother, which means fine for car seat and buggy. There are also grobags (some, not all) that have slots that you can get through a buggy/car seat harness.

But yes, get the Tuppence and Crumble fleeces! They were awesome, we really liked them.

Oh those ponchos, liked hooded robes but better

And the compression issue is not that bad with the star fleeces, as it's just one layer of fleece - it's not as compressible as say a filled winter Grobag or a coat.

Frilly pram accessories and enormous coach type prams v popular around here (wc town, north east uk) so I can imagine what everyone thinks of my minimalist buggy/travel system. Would definitely look strange on an icandy but small blankets are useful for underneath the carrycot covers and for moses baskets/car seats/etc. So I’d redirect if possible.

Big coach prams frothing with satin and lace are still a big thing with a lot of travellers and showman families, - my family has connections with fairgrounds.
I would cite the safety objections as it is less personal and easy to argue with than any other objection.

I can't stand those frilly pram blankets.
Your mum isn't being very fair to you OP. These are your babies and of course she is excited and all that but she cannot dicate that you use something you really don't want to.

Big girl pants time I'm afraid.

@toomuchtooold Glad to hear you recommend the star wraps. I will definitely be getting some. Definitely getting a sling too (another item I don’t think DM hugely approves of!) I’ll look into the weego, thank you. There’s so many out there to choose from.

@camels I’ve just moved back to the NE from London and there’s definitely a different asthetic

@LightDrizzle I was at Appleby horse fair this year and the travellers certainly do love a frothy pram.

@GreatDuckCookery I spoke to DM earlier and told her I don’t want her friend to knit me carry cot covers. I said I wouldn’t use them and didn’t want her wasting her time like that. She’s going to knit me a big blanket for the floor instead.

Technically no sorry - those tuppence and crumble wraps are not approved for car seats even though the people selling them state they are suitable. They're not crash tested.

However it's up to you to assess realistically - they probably aren't much different from a fleece jacket and they do say fleece jackets are fine. I am reassured to see that on their website they do have a disclaimer about spreading out the fabric to make sure it's a single layer and not bunched up and not overdressing the baby. However even they say not to use it if you're not sure.

It is monstrosities like this which are a REAL problem: www.amazon.co.uk/Frilly-Meadow-Floral-Baby-Insert/dp/B01M6Y14LU?tag=mumsnetforum-21

And the less offensive, but still not great: www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B073TX73ZZ/ref=dp_cerb_2?tag=mumsnetforum-21

On the other hand, ugly but fine: www.smallworldbabyshop.co.uk/category/car-seat-covers/personalised-car-seat-covers/

(However even replacing things like the seatbelt cover pads isn't a good idea).

@BertieBotts I had no idea people liked to bling up their car seats in such a manner. I’m clearly naive.

Yes I noticed the T&C disclaimer regarding the star wraps. So would you say it’s best to just put a baby in a car seat in normal clothes? Perhaps with a blanket over the top if needed?

Am I just an utterly lax and careless mother to be by not wanting my pram to look like a frilly cake?

You know that you're not.

As with all well-meant baby gifts from people who care, say thank you kindly and then go on to use what you want to use and don't use anything you don't need. It can always be donated/passed on.