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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Paying for childcare

154 replies

Coulditbeme · 20/06/2018 22:49

Ex has taken me to court and got 50/50 shared care of our 3 year old.
Child currently in full time childcare which I currently pay for and claim back costs via UC.
He pays me maintenance but this will now stop due to the new 50/50 arrangement.
I work part time and he works full time so on the weeks I have the child I will only need part time childcare whereas on the weeks he has the child he will still need full time childcare.
What happens now?
UC won’t let me claim full time childcare costs if I only work part time so aibu to think he should be paying for the childcare on his weeks?

OP posts:
amy85 · 20/06/2018 23:05

He pays for childcare in his weeks and you pay for childcare on your weeks....simples

However not sure how it's going to work with nursery and being part time one week and full time the next

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 20/06/2018 23:12

He pays for his week and you can up your work hours now to match his now he is fully sharing the parenting.

AhWeCanDanceIfWeWantTo · 20/06/2018 23:16

Is it going to be one week with you, one week with him? Would it be possible to have half the week with you, half with him so you had the same days every week using the nursery?

edshearansmistress · 20/06/2018 23:28

Boxsets that's assuming she wants to go full time?

Original poster
Coulditbeme · 21/06/2018 09:19

It’s court ordered. One week here and one week there.
Not what I wanted but that was his application and family court agreed.
I have had my hours cut at work so only need part time childcare myself but he will still need full time.

OP posts:
Jeezoh · 21/06/2018 10:16

I’d propose you split the nursery bill by days used by each parent. Work out what % of the nursery days fall on your days with your LO and what % fall on his days and split the bill along those lines.

I’d also ask the nursery to issue separate invoices so you don’t end up liable if he doesn’t pay and give versa. And get it all written into the court order so there’s no arguments.

SunnyCoco · 21/06/2018 10:22

Yes Jeezoh has it right

AhWeCanDanceIfWeWantTo · 21/06/2018 10:31

I think the issue is that the nursery probably won’t be happy with a child coming 5 days one week and 2/3 the next. They'll Want paid for 5 days every week.

MrsElijahMikaelson · 21/06/2018 10:31

He pays full time childcare for his weeks.

He wanted the 50/50 custody so he has to adapt and take what comes with it.

Some fathers go for 50/50 custody so they don't have to pay maintenance (not saying this is the case here) but if it is for that reason, he'll use the money on what he would have saved on maintenance on childcare.

MrsElijahMikaelson · 21/06/2018 10:33

I think the issue is that the nursery probably won’t be happy with a child coming 5 days one week and 2/3 the next. They'll Want paid for 5 days every week.

If this is the case OP, then I'd go back to the courts and explain due this new arrangement, more childcare is needed and he should pay the extra days as he changed the custody agreement and now you don't get maintenance.

SciFiFan2015 · 21/06/2018 11:14

Make no changes to the nursery at all. It's the ExH responsibility to arrange the extra 2 days if childcare every other week.
He should pay for the three days at the nursery and then find the additional childcare he needs.
Good luck. Seems very frustrating for you. Let's hope he puts the needs of the child first.

MojoMoon · 21/06/2018 11:19

Yep, child stays in nursery three days, you Kay your weeks, he pays his week.

His responsibility to find childcare for the two extra days in his week - he can try and negotiate with the nursery or find other alternatives like a babysitter/nanny/child minder.

You don't need to get involved with his arrangements for those days. Keep the contract with the nursery for three days a week, leave his extra days to him to sort.

Flowerpotbicycle · 21/06/2018 11:21

Nursery 3 set days a week which you split. He finds childcare for his extra 2 days

helpmefindaring · 21/06/2018 11:23

I would go with @Flowerpotbicycle I think that sounds the best

Original poster
Coulditbeme · 21/06/2018 16:07

I will need childcare Monday - Friday mornings only but he will bed Monday - Friday full days.

OP posts:
Original poster
Coulditbeme · 21/06/2018 16:08

*need

OP posts:
Thehop · 21/06/2018 16:10

Change your contract to mornings, let him sort his own childcare.

SciFiFan2015 · 21/06/2018 19:51

Yep. Just make sure that your contract is for the mornings only and let him sort out extra care in the afternoons every other week. You should also find a way to split the costs of the childcare you currently have arranged as he will be responsible for this too.

Ceecee18 · 21/06/2018 20:04

My DDs nursery allows for extra hours to be booked on an ad hoc basis. He may be able to make an agreement with them for afternoons where he pays on the day, provided they have space. But definitely don't sort this yourself, leave it to him to arrange his extra childcare. He's not expecting you to have DC on afternoons until he's finished work is he?

BeckettsandChapel · 21/06/2018 20:22

You sort childcare for your hours and pay for those and he sorts childcare for his hours and pays for those. You will need to pay for the weeks you don’t use and so will he.

SugarIsAmazing · 21/06/2018 20:29

If you don't work afternoons couldn't you be the childcare on your ex's weeks? Your ex could collect your son from you. I'd hate to only have my children every other week with no contact.

Sparrowlegs248 · 21/06/2018 20:33

I'd certainly offer to have the child in the afternoons I think. It may do him a favour that you don't want to do but I'm not sure how I'd manage without my dc for a whole week.

Isleepinahedgefund · 21/06/2018 20:35

Ask the nursery to bill him for his weeks and you for your weeks. As it’s court ordered and all.

Zampa · 21/06/2018 20:35

Could you both book your child into nursery full time and split the costs with between you 25/75, with him paying the majority? This ensures he has cover for when he needs it but you're not paying the extra? If you're feeling generous, you could split it 33/66?

NomNomNomNom · 21/06/2018 20:36

You sort out childcare for the hours you need and pay for it during your week. If he needs additional childcare he'l have to sort and pay for that.

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