Paying for childcare

[Coulditbeme]

Ex has taken me to court and got 50/50 shared care of our 3 year old.
Child currently in full time childcare which I currently pay for and claim back costs via UC.
He pays me maintenance but this will now stop due to the new 50/50 arrangement.
I work part time and he works full time so on the weeks I have the child I will only need part time childcare whereas on the weeks he has the child he will still need full time childcare.
What happens now?
UC won’t let me claim full time childcare costs if I only work part time so aibu to think he should be paying for the childcare on his weeks?

Hi Op. I just noticed the UC claim back. Without that, are you able to afford your five mornings?

Op
You can claim the 30 hours if you are both working more than 16 hours, not 30 hours

As I understand it, insancerre, it goes off the household doesn’t it?
We are 2 separate households.
Me in my house I don’t work 30 hours so I can’t claim it.
He in his house, he does work 30 hours so he would be eligible to claim it. Is that right?

You are only responsible for your days and he for his.

It's a shame the court ordered 50:50 for a 3 year old as it sounds like you have probably been the main carer to date. I think 3 is too young to be away from the previous main carer for a week at a time.

However they will cope fine as little.ones are adaptable.

Try to make it a positive by concentrating on your career a bit more and having more money for your dc when you have them and their future.

Also the fact he won't let you collect in the afternoons when you wanted to tells me all I need to know about him as a parent.

You may find he doesn't keep this up.

This situation wasn’t brought up in court as on that day I was working full time.
By absolute rotten luck the very next day I was told by my manager that I am only going to have part time hours in September - this is due to budget cuts, I work in a school.
If i had been aware of this on court day I’d brought it up but I was blissfully unaware at the time.

I think you need to keep your child st nursery for every morning and split the cost equally. He will then need to find something else every other week for the afternoons. This could be quite difficult for him but it is his problem.

You get 30 hours op, you don't need to work 30 hours. You need to earn £125 a week to be entitled to the hours.

Yes it is a shame and I honestly didn’t think he’d get it. Gutted.
I have always been main carer and he couldn’t stand it.
A week is an awful long time for a 3 year old.
He had plenty of contact before and I was very reasonable with him.
Absolutely no need for this.
This 50 /50 was his proposal.
All about him wanting his “equal rights” and nothing to do with what’s best for the child.
I thought family court would see right through him but unfortunately they didn’t.

What has he actually proposed with regard to child care op? Does he seriously expect you to pay for childcare for him whilst you are at home and could have your dd?

He should be paying ALL childcare costs for the time that he has her and he has to put her into childcare. Just like you have had to. You should only pay for childcare costs that you use while you have her.

I wonder if he will soon rethink his 50/50 ...

I know men like this ... went for 50/50 solely to avoid paying CM, but now their children are almost always late to school and late being picked up when they have them, not getting them to do their homework on their weeks, 'misplacing' their school stuff constantly... it's so tiring when when for 50/50 for all the wrong reasons.

What do you think he'd do if y8u simply said, as pp have suggested, that you will pay for the mornings you need and he will pay for the full days he needs plus any retainer for the unused days that nursery might require? Is he offering to go part time? I guessing when he realises what 50:50 really entails he won't be as interested.

How long ago was the judgment made? You were full time, so it’s a bit unfair to say that he’s being a cock, when you were happy to have her in full time care on your week, but your circumstances have changed. Have you kept her in full time? Have you been taking her out early on your week? Could your role change back to you being full time at some point? First thing you need to check is if the nursery will allow you to have half days one week, or if they expect the same amount of money regardless of the hours you choose to send, and if by sending less you loose the place. If you can’t decrease the days/cost, then you pay 50/50 for the nursery fees. If you can, then you pay your part and he pays his. I’m assuming he is aware he will need to pay?

How shit for you. What has your ex said about covering childcare costs?

Other people have suggested you just arrange mornings with nursery, but you actually only need mornings every other week don't you? It's tricky. Did you do mediation prior to courts?

What a shocking decision, assuming this is all the relevant information. What three year old benefits by being away from their primary carer for the whole week, every second week?

Oh and he could whistle for me paying towards his childcare costs.

Op you can claim the 30 hours so long as you work at least 16 hrs /earn over £126a week. Be careful as these can be spread over 38weeks or 52 which will affect your funded element if he stretches it.

www.gov.uk/help-with-childcare-costs/free-childcare-and-education-for-2-to-4-year-olds

Eligibility
You can usually get 30 hours free childcare if you (and your partner, if you have one) are:

in work - or getting parental leave, sick leave or annual leave
each earning at least the National Minimum Wage or Living Wage for 16 hours a week - this is £125.28 if you’re over 25

Well, you're going to have to play hardball.

You are only paying for mornings on your weeks.

If he insists on fulltime childcare for his weeks, he's not only going to have to pay for those hours, he's going to have to pay for the afternoon hours on your weeks that you don't use or need because it's probably the only way to 'reserve' the afternoons on his week. His problem to pay for it.

And i fyour DD is ill or sent home from childcare on his weeks, he's going to have to take personal days off from his job to cover it. Don't offer to do it for him. Make him step up and do it himself.

He's putting his own interests and trying to make you hurt at the expense of a 3 year old he professes to love. He's a twat.

@pengwwwn I totally agree with you but tragically it’s not uncommon for the courts to order this.

All about him wanting his “equal rights” and nothing to do with what’s best for the child.
I thought family court would see right through him but unfortunately they didn’t.

Everything everywhere says it is about the “child’s rights” but the reality of family court is that everyone just bangs on about what “dad wants”. (Even when, in my case, there was clear evidence of his emotional and physical abuse towards me, in front of the children)

“Dad wants” seemed a far greater consideration than what my 1 year old daughter might want or need. And this was a dad who had
Barely spent more than an hour a week with her in the preceding year (at his choice)

Op you have all my sympathies.

Cut the childcare to the amount you need and dad sorts the rest. Nursery could invoice you for mornings and dad for afternoons?

Sorry, should have been @pengggwyn

What will happen in school holidays then OP?

You won't need childcare and he will.

I don't think he's thought this through

You’ve hit the nail on the head, BewareofDragons & Nevertwerknaked so sorry you’re going through this too.
He hasn’t thought this through at all.
He wasn’t aware of the childcare costs that will need to be paid because of his refusal to allow me to collect from childcare at lunch time.
He knows nothing about what finder hours cover as I’ve always dealt with childcare costs.
He’s now talking about claiming child benefit and tax credits for “his weeks”!
He knows nothing.

He has no idea that tax credits are no longer taking new claims in our area as our area is fully universal credit now.
He has no idea that tax credits / child element of universal credit / child benefit can only be paid to one person.
He thinks that he can put a new claim in, send them the court order and they will split the amount between us.

They won’t. I’ve done some research and found that child benefit can only be paid to one person, usually the parent with majority care. If it is 50/50 then parents have to decide between themselves who it will be paid to.

I currently receive child benefit and child element of universal credit and am now scared that he will put in a rival claim, meaning payments will stop altogether whilst they investigate.
This is going to cause serious money issues for me in addition to having my hours cut ☹️

*funded hours not finder hours, sorry.

Tax credits / universal credits are means tested... would he qualify for them anyway? If not, then why would he even attempt to claim.

He sounds spiteful and is definitely not thinking of your child’s best interests. I cannot imagine putting a child into full time childcare when their parent is at home and wants to have them. Who on earth does this benefit other than his ego and sense of oneupmanship over you?!

I would be taking this back to court if I were you, the extenuating circumstances are not being considered