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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel undermined by colleague

271 replies

boilerhouse2007 · 19/05/2018 08:14

I am a secondary school teacher, anyway there is this young colleague who is in the next room to me and yea she is lovely to the kids, something that just is not in my personality as much and this is a tough secondary school. Anyway, yesterday i was taking a troublesome girl down to my class for detention when the girl started walking and half ignoring me. I told her to come back and colleague appears in front of the boss and uses her soft voice to get the girl back when i wanted to handle it myself. This was all in front of boss too who was in earshot and i was so angry at her interference as i have had words with this colleague before over her interference buut do not want any more conflict and i just felt she stepped in. What do you think?

OP posts:
Leopoldstotch · 19/05/2018 08:18

I'd be grateful for the help if it's a rough school to be honest. It doesn't sound like she was trying to step on your toes. Some people just like to help. I'd move on and avoid dwelling on it

ragged · 19/05/2018 08:19

Sounds like teamwork not undermining.

Whatshallidonowpeople · 19/05/2018 08:21

Are you sure you are the teacher and not a student?

ThenCameTheFools · 19/05/2018 08:21

Sounds like you're narked that she managed to do what you'd failed to do.

And also that she was helping you. Did you say thank you?

LifeBeginsAtGin · 19/05/2018 08:21

Once or twice is helpful. More so then it's interfering.

somesetmeadow · 19/05/2018 08:22

Maybe you could try being lovely to the kids too.

More flies and all.

Original poster
boilerhouse2007 · 19/05/2018 08:23

no it is more the fact the students usually instantly comply with her as she has an inherent softness i do not have and it is undermining as i have to do it myself but i just wish she would leave me to it especially in front of the boss.

OP posts:
MissionItsPossible · 19/05/2018 08:23

This would annoy me. Sounds like your previous words with her weren’t clear enough.

Original poster
boilerhouse2007 · 19/05/2018 08:25

''Sounds like you're narked that she managed to do what you'd failed to do. ''

yea she is better at it, but that is her personality, soft and gentle-is that what you wanted me to admit? Yea she is better,i admit that before this turns into an all out attack but at the same time i want to do it my way, i don't have a soft gentle personality like that, we can't change these things. We have to use our own ways.

OP posts:
Original poster
boilerhouse2007 · 19/05/2018 08:34

''Maybe you could try being lovely to the kids too.

More flies and all.''

it's not her being nice as much as her voice, her youth, her physical appearance, her personality-very gentle, i cannot be her, that is just ridiculous.

OP posts:
FluttershysCutieMarkTheHerald · 19/05/2018 08:34

I agree with you OP. I think a lot of posters will pick up that this young teacher takes a gentler approach and make out you're jealous, but I get where you're coming from. You need the kids to do something when you say, not because a colleague has intervened, especially when you've asked her not too and especially in front of the boss. I don't think anyone would like their colleague to do this to them, despite some of the other comments.

I know you said it isn't in your personality to act the way this other teacher does but it may be useful to try to alter your approach in some way to see if it helps.

Good luck OP.

Slartybartfast · 19/05/2018 08:37

what would you have preferred her to do.
i understand it is undermining.
she is keen that is all. she is also a teacher and so she too has a position of power, same as you.

Original poster
boilerhouse2007 · 19/05/2018 08:42

just leave it to me, the child would have turned around as she has before done this with me but for colleague to come out and do it and get instant compliance in front of boss i was so angry. Call me jealous if you want but i think you should just leave people to it sometimes, i was handling it myself.

OP posts:
Slartybartfast · 19/05/2018 08:46

but you are equal surely, both teachers

Original poster
boilerhouse2007 · 19/05/2018 08:47

mmm i do not mean any disrespect here but i think alot of ppl here who are not in the profession are struggling to see my point.

OP posts:
Original poster
boilerhouse2007 · 19/05/2018 08:54

''but you are equal surely, both teachers''

students need to know that they must follow teacher instructions, if the message is given that they will only comply for x teacher because y teacher had to step in then it undermines and destroys the 'equal' status. That is why sometimes in school and even in life itself you have to let people handle things themselves at times, being the hero is not always appreciated.

OP posts:
NeedForBlossom · 19/05/2018 08:58

In a school with supportive colleagues and SLT, this would have been seen as working together and supporting each other.

Am assuming that's not the way you feel about your school / colleagues?

(If you want to talk to teachers try posting in The Staffroom section on MN.)

Slartybartfast · 19/05/2018 09:01

yes op, Dont like the answers, ask someone else Hmm

Original poster
boilerhouse2007 · 19/05/2018 09:04

''In a school with supportive colleagues and SLT, this would have been seen as working together and supporting each other.''

this can usually backfire though when you have appeasers[teachers who indulge the kids] against the non appeasers. Students will then kick off if they don't get their way, teachers are different, not every teacher can be the loving tender type, we have different personalities and strengths. That is why i agree in working together but there must be a boundary too in stepping back.

OP posts:
NeedForBlossom · 19/05/2018 09:11

boilerhouse no it doesn't backfire if everyone's goal is to get to the same outcome, no matter who actually gets it done.

You are either in the wrong school or the wrong profession.

diddl · 19/05/2018 09:16

"students need to know that they must follow teacher instructions,"

But the student was already not following your instructions, so perhaps you need to deal with things differently so that students do as you tell them straight away?

Original poster
boilerhouse2007 · 19/05/2018 09:17

''boilerhouse no it doesn't backfire if everyone's goal is to get to the same outcome, no matter who actually gets it done''

clearly you don't understand the profession if you think that, for a school to succeed every teacher must have their authority and staff must seen to be equal by the students, a divided school where kids only listen to some teachers and pick and choose are schools that normally go into academic nosedive.

OP posts:
TERFragetteCity · 19/05/2018 09:18

Support her and suggest that she runs a behaviour management session at your school.

Well done her.

You could learn lots from her.

Don't let your jealousy get in the way of learning.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 19/05/2018 09:18

I wouldn't have liked this either. It is a bit like a naughty child running from mummy to daddy because they know daddy will let them away with more shenanigans, and daddy encouraging this.

Working together is great but in every job I have ever worked in we are careful not to overstep boundaries or undermine colleagues. Having said that, I have learnt some useful tricks by watching my colleagues different practices, so be open to that.

Juells · 19/05/2018 09:18

I think some posters are being unfair. Step in if it's appreciated, don't step in if you've been asked not to interfere. Particularly in front of a superior. In the younger teacher's shoes I'd have minded my own business

I take it you're not teaching English, OP Confused