Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel undermined by colleague

271 replies

boilerhouse2007 · 19/05/2018 08:14

I am a secondary school teacher, anyway there is this young colleague who is in the next room to me and yea she is lovely to the kids, something that just is not in my personality as much and this is a tough secondary school. Anyway, yesterday i was taking a troublesome girl down to my class for detention when the girl started walking and half ignoring me. I told her to come back and colleague appears in front of the boss and uses her soft voice to get the girl back when i wanted to handle it myself. This was all in front of boss too who was in earshot and i was so angry at her interference as i have had words with this colleague before over her interference buut do not want any more conflict and i just felt she stepped in. What do you think?

OP posts:
TERFragetteCity · 19/05/2018 10:13

no name or identifies or locations have being given so it is hardly identifying and very little info was given over the pupil. Get a grip.

It isn't me that needs that grip OP. You seriously need some training.

KnobZombie7 · 19/05/2018 10:14

Quite normal - when I taught I would have been happy for someone to intervene if a child wasn't responding to me. I wouldn't have felt it insulting unless that person shouted at them. I do think you need to adopt a more gentle approach and see if that works. It's also all about presence, which is often something that can't be learnt but does sometimes come from experience. How long have you been teaching?

Original poster
boilerhouse2007 · 19/05/2018 10:14

''Sometimes I would think ffs stop locking heads with a child if it became a power struggle, but each person has their own methods and you can’t show them up in front of child, especially when they will seize on that to get control.
Did she come out of the classroom to take over?''

we were not locking heads though, it was calm, colleague was coming out of her class.

OP posts:
kaitlinktm · 19/05/2018 10:19

Your students don't respect you. Having to threaten to call their parents is not handling it, it's reinforcing that they take no notice of you but would not be so disrespectful to their parents.

Hmm

As there are so few sanctions left to teachers nowadays, phoning the parents is often the only recourse you have with a challenging pupil. Or are you suggesting that parents have no responsibility for how their child behaves outside of the home?

0hCrepe · 19/05/2018 10:19

I didn’t say you were. I mentioned that to highlight differences in approaches.

Original poster
boilerhouse2007 · 19/05/2018 10:22

''The 'oh, she's always alright for me' can be really undermining to a whole school culture of respect. I can understand your frustration - but it does sound as though your colleague can't. ''

yes this colleague does this ALOT.

OP posts:
Original poster
boilerhouse2007 · 19/05/2018 10:25

''As there are so few sanctions left to teachers nowadays, phoning the parents is often the only recourse you have with a challenging pupil. Or are you suggesting that parents have no responsibility for how their child behaves outside of the home?''

Thank you, it amazes me how people both in the profession and out of it say discipline all begins with the teacher and to not use sanctions or call parents etc. and the teacher alone must contain and handle it yet cannot ever explain how when I ask them that.

OP posts:
FowlisWester · 19/05/2018 10:28

Sorry I assumed that you were following the pupil and raising your voice as your colleague stepped in with her gentle Voice etc. She obviously felt you were struggling so I thought you were raising your voice

SmileEachDay · 19/05/2018 10:31

ok then would you say the same thing if you were disciplining your child ''your way''[and everybody has their own ways and ideas of how to handle these things] and your dm or mil stepped in and took a different approach effectively making you look weaker. How would you feel then exactly?

I don’t see my job as a power struggle with the (extremely challenging) children, do a colleague supporting me would be fine.

Original poster
boilerhouse2007 · 19/05/2018 10:32

''. You seriously need some training.''

yea and clearly you as ''an ex teacher'' is somebody i would not heed advice from as you clearly did not fit the job yourself...

OP posts:
DoinItForTheKids · 19/05/2018 10:32

When you say OP that you'd have said to the pupil "go on then, walk way, i'll be calling your parents" - wow. That's pretty confrontational - no wonder others are doing better than you! That would immediately put the pupil's back up and no wonder she got a better result!

I think you do need, as we all do regardless of profession, to reflect on your style and what you say and how you frame the requests / instructions you give to pupils because I don't feel what you say you'd have said, was very well thought out.

I do agree that if the other teacher stepped in and 'took over' that was wrong unless she was doing it in the spirit of assisting and had tacked onto whatever she said "do as Mr X says" to show that she was working with you and agreed with you.

I would want to find out more if I were you OP why she had felt the need to step in - did she think your chosen words were a bit confrontational and could see things going negatively if she didn't step in? Her motivation for stepping in is as important as her actual stepping in.

Original poster
boilerhouse2007 · 19/05/2018 10:34

''I don’t see my job as a power struggle with the (extremely challenging) children, do a colleague supporting me would be fine.''

you have clearly not answered the question i asked because you have realised the point i am making and cannot answer truthfully without having to backtrack on how it doesn't matter what the colleague did.

OP posts:
TERFragetteCity · 19/05/2018 10:34

as you clearly did not fit the job yourself

No - We had our own alternative provision company but we lost the land we were using. But don't let that stop you and your weird attitude problem slagging off everyone that doesn't agree with you.

SmileEachDay · 19/05/2018 10:36

you have clearly not answered the question i asked because you have realised the point i am making and cannot answer truthfully without having to backtrack on how it doesn't matter what the colleague did

Errrr....I don’t understand this post.

Original poster
boilerhouse2007 · 19/05/2018 10:36

''When you say OP that you'd have said to the pupil "go on then, walk way, i'll be calling your parents" - wow. That's pretty confrontational - no wonder others are doing better than you! That would immediately put the pupil's back up and no wonder she got a better result!''

ok then so how would you have handled it exactly?

OP posts:
Original poster
boilerhouse2007 · 19/05/2018 10:39

''Errrr....I don’t understand this post.''

you say it should not be a problem that x colleague stepped in and took over when i was dealing with a student your way yet i am asking you would you say the same thing if it was your child you were dealing with and your mil or dm stepped in and made you look weak?

OP posts:
FowlisWester · 19/05/2018 10:42

The reason I asked about not enjoying the job was I was in that position myself. Awful school... poor behaviour and shocking management. I was sitting letting the kids do what they liked as nothing ever got done about it all. I finally had enough when a pupil used sexual gesture and language to me and slt didn't take it seriously. Moved schools and I'm now loving my job again. I engage with the kids... even just having a chat which I had lost at the old place.
It might be time for a change of school and a fresh start?

Original poster
boilerhouse2007 · 19/05/2018 10:47

i have being tempted to resign several times and have being seriously close to it, ive been in the school 5 years now. My problem is my confidence is at an all time low, i feel stuck.

OP posts:
FowlisWester · 19/05/2018 10:51

but I was the same...same school 16 years and continually undermined by my hod. It took a good teaching friend to remind me that it hadn't always been like this and that it was the situation rather than my ability.
It took a lot for me to go for this new job as I felt a fraud.... but the spark is back and I can do this job. And do it well.

Original poster
boilerhouse2007 · 19/05/2018 10:54

im more in the mindset of leaving the profession altogether after 22 years, i've become lulled into a depression.

OP posts:
SmileEachDay · 19/05/2018 10:57

Fowliss’s gentle manner has de escalated you OP....Wink

I hope you get your situation sorted, it’s a tough job.

Original poster
boilerhouse2007 · 19/05/2018 10:59

thanks but i did not mean that question as aggressive, i'm using it as a mirror in which people can reflect on what i'm saying as so many posters are dismissing my resentment and feelings over the situation. I am trying to put you into my shoes.

OP posts:
nakedscientist · 19/05/2018 11:05

Boiler house Are you aware that even your exchange here sounds quite aggressive?
Could you have other issues, possibly, like depression?

If you can take some advice, maybe see your GP and talk to them how you are coping at the moment.

nakedscientist · 19/05/2018 11:06

Cross posted

Original poster
boilerhouse2007 · 19/05/2018 11:07

''Boiler house Are you aware that even your exchange here sounds quite aggressive? ''

yes some of my posts were a bit sharp but usually when it was a response to other posts who hit with a sharp/aggressive tone themselves.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread