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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about this wedding...

148 replies

TheWeddingSeason · 23/04/2018 16:32

I'm a long time member but name changed as I'm fairly sure parties involved are on here...

So DH has a friend who is getting married soon.

He told my DH that our DS was invited.

Now we have received the official invite and it says kids can't be accommodated (except family - the bride and groom have 3 kids!)

It's not close to where we live so would have to stay overnight and I have never been away from DS that long & I have anxiety disorder so would only fret so I don't want to go now.

DH is upset with me.
I am upset with his friends.

Who is bu?

OP posts:
BritInUS1 · 23/04/2018 16:34

How old is DS?
Have you got someone that can look after them?

PotteringAlong · 23/04/2018 16:34

You are.

Trinity66 · 23/04/2018 16:35

What age is your son? I think YABU though, it's only one night

NerrSnerr · 23/04/2018 16:36

It’s their choice if they want children at their wedding. It’s your choice if you want to go. No one is being unreasonable.

kissthealderman · 23/04/2018 16:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PinkSkyAtNightAngelDelight · 23/04/2018 16:37

How old is DS?

Dozer · 23/04/2018 16:38

How old is DS, how far away (time and distance) is the wedding, and what are the childcare options?

PortiaFinis · 23/04/2018 16:38

It’s up to them who they invite to their wedding. If you don’t want to leave your child that long then don’t go - or see if you can get someone to look after your child at the hotel you are staying in.

Some people love having children at their wedding and others don’t. It must have been a bit disappointing if you thought that you would be able to take him but it is their choice and I don’t think you should get too upset about it.

MrsHathaway · 23/04/2018 16:38

Nobody unreasonable. Just unfortunate.

As DS gets older he will be easier to leave. At that stage, resist using him as an excuse to avoid social gatherings and other events that you'll actually enjoy and/or benefit from.

Original poster
TheWeddingSeason · 23/04/2018 16:38

DS is only 2. He's only stayed overnight somewhere else once and we dropped him off at bedtime and we were back for breakfast.

I wouldn't have agreed to go in the first place had the groom not told my DH our DS was invited as well.

OP posts:
Dozer · 23/04/2018 16:39

YABU to be upset with the friends: they may have initially said DC were invited but on reflection decided against it, which is fine as it’s their wedding.

elQuintoConyo · 23/04/2018 16:39

So DH goes alone.

Original poster
TheWeddingSeason · 23/04/2018 16:39

Also it's not a child free wedding as their kids will be there and so will their nieces / nephews.

OP posts:
TomRavenscroft · 23/04/2018 16:39

I'd be upset too, not at it being child-free per se but at being told the DS was invited and then that changing.

Dozer · 23/04/2018 16:40

How far away is the wedding, and what are the childcare options?

NerrSnerr · 23/04/2018 16:40

If you don’t feel comfortable leaving him then don’t. It’s your husband’s friends wedding so just send your husband.

kissthealderman · 23/04/2018 16:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FuzzyCustard · 23/04/2018 16:41

Agree that no-one is being unreasonable. It's all down to personal preferences.
We had a declined invitation fro our wedding because the parents couldn't find a sitter...for their 16 year old! Now that is some excuse!

Dozer · 23/04/2018 16:41

YABU to object to specific DC being invited: again, that’s the couple’s prerogative. Big difference between just a few DC of closest friends/ relatives and loads of DC of guests.

Babyplaymat · 23/04/2018 16:41

It's annoying that it has changed but they're not being unreasonable. Likewise you're not if you don't want to leave him, but you don't have the right to be cross with anyone about it as they're not wrong.

Amaried · 23/04/2018 16:41

Honestly lots of couples have family kids only at their wedding. It's not a Summons, just don't go if you don't want to leave him.
Not sure there is a need for drama.

SomeKnobend · 23/04/2018 16:41

Just don't go, Yanbu. There was a woman on This Morning who's spent thousands on attending weddings. I'm gobsmacked people go tbh when you have to spend so much on travel, hotel, 24hrs or more of childcare, gifts and all the rest. Weddings are fucking expensive to attend, if you're not going to enjoy it because your ds isn't there, then just don't go!

AllTheUserNamesAreTaken · 23/04/2018 16:41

If you've only just received the invitation then you haven't already agreed to go. Now you know DS isn't invited, just decide whether you want to go or not.

user1483387154 · 23/04/2018 16:42

YABU it is irrelevant whether children of their family members are there or not.

Hillarious · 23/04/2018 16:42

I left DD (2.5 months) and DS (11 months - just stopped breast feeding) and was away with DH for two nights at a wedding. Was probably earlier than I might have chosen, but it was fine. They were with DH's parents (though first choice would have been mine, but that didn't work on logistic grounds). Sometimes, being out of your comfort zone is what you need. And that was all it was, out of my comfort zone - not necessarily a bad place to be. Don't be cross. Go and enjoy yourself.

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