To be upset about this wedding...

[TheWeddingSeason]

I'm a long time member but name changed as I'm fairly sure parties involved are on here...

So DH has a friend who is getting married soon.

He told my DH that our DS was invited.

Now we have received the official invite and it says kids can't be accommodated (except family - the bride and groom have 3 kids!)

It's not close to where we live so would have to stay overnight and I have never been away from DS that long & I have anxiety disorder so would only fret so I don't want to go now.

DH is upset with me.
I am upset with his friends.

Who is bu?

I understand your thinking rookie
I hope a good solution can be sorted for the OP.

We may just accept going to ceremony

A six hour round trip just to attend the ceremony. The most boring part! Nah fuck that. You may as well take your husband and pick him up the next day.

Could you go to the ceremony and wedding breakfast then come home?

OP do you have any cause to believe your son wouldn't be safe with you ILs. After all they raised your DH.

I would use it as an opportunity to push yourself out of your comfort zone - what would happen if you HAD to leave DS with you IL because of an emergency? Surely it is better to get him used to being with other people and away from you in a more controlled setting.

The worst that will happen is he will be upset. But he will be with his GP who love him and will keep him safe.

" it may be worth DH having a quiet word explaining the circumstances and asking if your DS could be accommodated"

I'll keep an eye out for numerous outraged MN-er guests who grudgingly left their own kids at home swamping AIBU with vitriol and ire if that comes to fruition

We had a declined invitation fro our wedding because the parents couldn't find a sitter...for their 16 year old!

He may have been the type to Facebook the entire world letting them know that there's a party on Saturday at his whilst parents are away, in which their decision sounds eminently sensible ...

"It is possible that if the DH talks to the groom he might say that DS is ok to come in the evening, just not to the sit down bits. Bride doesn't really need to be involved"

Until bride gets her ear chewed off by her girlfriends who have all shelled out £££ for overnight babysitters...and bride knows nothing a bout it until she finds that her DH has made arrangements behind her back....

Really, this is a small mistake in info, followed by an unfortunate leg break and a condition which is not the problem of the B&G. It is just not fair to place the burden of solving it on the B&G in the run up to the wedding. They don't even sound like joint friends - just the OP's DH is friend with the groom.

You won’t beat this by giving into it.

Funny how no one says this about asthma, broken legs or diabetes. Yes absolutely anxiety that impacts your life needs treating, but you can't necessarily just plough on in the meantime.

We only had family children at our wedding.Its only one night if you have someone you trust to look after him id enjoy the day with your dh and have some couple time

I feel sorry for your DH

don't ask the groom to be able to bring your DS. Leave him with the ILs and use this occasion as an opportunity to get help with your anxiety as that is the issue, not the child free wedding and your DH's broken leg.

Funny how no one says this about asthma, broken legs or diabetes. Yes absolutely anxiety that impacts your life needs treating, but you can't necessarily just plough on in the meantime.

Exactly. OP, anxiety is tough. I’ve been there and still am a lot. The best thing to do for all of you is take the GPS. They can have a great time in the hotel with your boy, you and Dh can have a relaxed time at the wedding. Everyone can have breakfast together and then drive home.

If you don't want to go and you're already building it up in your own head then I'd say politely decline.
Anxiety is a nightmare and can be worse in social settings where you have pressure on you to be 'ok'.
Unless you've got reasonable time between now and the wedding to get on some good medication and do some therapy then I'd say skip this one and try again another time. Maybe you and DH can book a night away for yourselves where there's less pressure in the future?

Don't go if you're not going to have a good time.
It is a bit shit on DH as he's said you will go, but at the end of the day, he should understand about your anxiety.

I have anxiety and take pills for it. I wasn’t aware I was supposed to see myself as being ill. It’s a massive irritation but I won’t let it rule my life.

Seeing yourself as being poorly just makes you pander to it.

That works for you. It doesn't work for everyone. Also you're on medication for it, which it doesn't sound like the OP is, so it's not comparable.

All this angst over an invitation

They want you and mainly Dp to go as it's his friend. No dc.

Doesn't matter if 30 family dc are invited. Yours isn't.

Don't ask again it's rude.

If it's causing too much stress just stay home. Your Dh will have to facilitate getting there. I'm guessing he's in plaster so not that easy.

Can he go with another friend or could someone take your place??

That works for you. It doesn't work for everyone. Also you're on medication for it, which it doesn't sound like the OP is, so it's not comparable

A bit like having a broken leg but wants to let it heal naturally then rather than get it physically treated then? That would wear thin for family members quite quickly I think.

You can’t compare it to a broken leg or asthma.

That’s the problem with child-free weddings. They put a huge practical and financial burden on parents.

OP, you sound a bit like me and I wouldn’t go. I just couldn’t cope with the anxiety of being away from my child.

That’s the problem with child-free weddings. They put a huge practical and financial burden on parents.

As opposed to a huge practical and financial burden on the bride and groom.

'That’s the problem with child-free weddings. They put a huge practical and financial burden on parents.'

Bloody hell

Your DH has broken leg. You don't feel comfortable about leaving your DC for this period of time... Just don't go, decline politely , send them flowers and invite them to do something together when your DH will recover.
You didn't agree officially to go to the wedding, it was just a chat, they planned to include children and decided not too (absolutely fine) you thought you could go and now circumstances changed. So just don't go if it's not convenient/ too much trouble for you.
Lots of mum I know would be uncomfortable of leaving 2 years old overnight , but some people I know will happily leave 2 months old overnight. People are just different.
By the way, of course, there is more anxiety on Mumsnet than in real life , I just had my first telephone appointment but never discussed my anxiety with anyone in RL apart my DH and my GP but mentioning it on MN is different.

Just get dh to go. Presumably he has other friends that will be there?

A bit like having a broken leg but wants to let it heal naturally then rather than get it physically treated then? That would wear thin for family members quite quickly I think.

I wasn't suggesting she not get treatment. I'm just saying that while it is untreated, it's not always possible to plough on.