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AIBU?

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Original poster

Afterschool detention

132 replies

bizzylizzy988 · 21/04/2018 20:47

DD is having her first detention Monday and it's an after school.
She's only in Year 7 and she forgot her Geography homework.
Her school doesn't allow mobile phones.
She gets on the train home - getting back from school usually at 4:25pm.
However her detention ends at 5:15pm. The next train is at 7pm...
Making her get home for around 7:35pm since she has to walk home from the station...
I don't really fancy her being around the station this late! It's very quiet.
I can't pick her up from the station and her other parent can't either cause we are both working at this time.
I wouldn't mind if she had a mobile but I'm worried could I call the school asking for a lunch detention or even two? I'm just a bit worried...

OP posts:
monkeysox · 21/04/2018 20:49

Can't she have a phone off in her bag?
Call school and explain?

condepetie · 21/04/2018 20:50

It's a long wait for an 11 year old. The answer will probably be no but I'd call and speak to the head of year if possible.

At least it'll still be light outside, in winter it would be even worse.

Original poster
bizzylizzy988 · 21/04/2018 20:53

I'm thinking of calling in Monday morning. School is strict about this thing... If they say no then I'm considering of just picking her up! I really don't want her round the station and around town that time.

OP posts:
Enko · 21/04/2018 20:53

I refused DD1's permission for a detention in a similar situation the school was actually understanding when they realised how late she would come home. In the end a teacher drove her home after the detention.

Enko · 21/04/2018 20:54

Should add teacher lived in same town as we do so wasnt out of her way.

Original poster
bizzylizzy988 · 21/04/2018 20:56

We live quite a bit away from school however if they don't want to switch it to lunch I'm thinking of taking her home at usual time. I'm not letting her around at that time..

OP posts:
spanieleyes · 21/04/2018 20:58

If both parents are at work, who will be at home? Could they meet her at the station and walk home with her?

MyOtherProfile · 21/04/2018 21:00

Op do you really not get home from work til later than 7? So shes home alone til then?

Original poster
bizzylizzy988 · 21/04/2018 21:00

Usually she goes around to her friends house across the road whilst we are working, but her friend is in Year 9 so she's 14 and she is trusted alone at home but isn't really wanting to go out that far.

OP posts:
spanieleyes · 21/04/2018 21:02

Are the friend's parents not home either? Could they pick her up?

MyOtherProfile · 21/04/2018 21:03

Have to say I'm a bit shocked at a teacher giving a child a lift home too. Most schools wouldn't allow that. Safeguarding and all that.

Original poster
bizzylizzy988 · 21/04/2018 21:03

It's possible. But I don't know if they'd be prepared to! It's a long walk and I don't know if they drive. I don't see a car there.

OP posts:
Fiera · 21/04/2018 21:04

You could call and ask... my son had detention today (yes, on a saturday)

Original poster
bizzylizzy988 · 21/04/2018 21:06

It's a lot of hassle. She still has to be at the other train station at 7 still not too pleased about that.. I'm thinking of just calling on Monday explaining our situation.

OP posts:
MaisyPops · 21/04/2018 21:16

A detention ending at 5:15 is very late.

First port of call would be to look at train times and see if she can do 2 smaller after school ones. I've done that for parents.

Going down the route of 'make it lunch or I'll collect at normal time' is totally unreasonable. Part of sending your child to a school is signing up to their sanctions and if you live ages away then that's the risk you take.

Discuss the logistics of after school. Don't just refuse detentions as it will move up the behaviour policy and probably be isolation

Original poster
bizzylizzy988 · 21/04/2018 21:18

I was thinking of that myself. There aren't any other trains between those times. I've even said maybe do TWO lunch time detentions because of this.

OP posts:
xyzandabc · 21/04/2018 21:24

You've said you can't pick her up before 7 because you work. But then later you've said if they won't change it to lunchtime then you'll consider picking her up and taking her home at normal time.

If you are able to pick her up at normal time, why can't you pick her up at 5.15? Or do you work evenings/nights?

MaisyPops · 21/04/2018 21:24

If you go in seeking for her to do the full time and explain your predicament then most teachers will be reasonable (unless SLT run a no discretion policy with staff).

I've certainly done this.

Make sure you go in with the approach of 'here's our situation. Can we arrange for the full time to be done during lunches', rather than 'if you don't do lunch ones then they won't be doing it'.

LockedOutOfMN · 21/04/2018 21:26

The teacher who drove home may have had their own kids in the car.

Aprilmightbemynewname · 21/04/2018 21:27

Ds has ME and I have arranged he has any detentions at lunch time as staying after school means he misses the bus and has to walk home, making him shattered, it's been no issue to school. Suggest you do the same. Dark nights +later travel are no good imo.

LockedOutOfMN · 21/04/2018 21:27

Agree with MaisyPops. After-school detentions are supposed to inconvenience parents slightly.

Original poster
bizzylizzy988 · 21/04/2018 21:28

She gets home normally by train at 4.15pm. Her detention will end at 5.15pm - but she'll get home at 7.35pm if this detention went on and I don't want her lurking around the station at that time. We begin work at 6-6.30 ish, so we can't pick her up from the station. She would have to walk.

OP posts:
Original poster
bizzylizzy988 · 21/04/2018 21:31

She is only 11 and her bedtime is at 9 o'clock. She gets tired quickly! She has to wake up at 6 too. She has to bath, organise her books, do homework, have her tea...

OP posts:
GreenVoyage · 21/04/2018 21:33

My DM was in a similar position when I got an after school detention for forgetting my PE kit when I was 13. It was winter and the detention finished at 4pm. I'd have to walk 45 minutes to town (past a lane where a young girl was raped) and wait another hour in the dark for a bus home.

My DM explained all this and asked if I could do 2 lunch time detentions instead. The school refused. In the end I didn't go to the detention and went home. Because of that, I was given 2 after school detention. I missed them etc.

In the end I was suspended for 3 days and put on a behaviour report for 3 months.

Total bullocks.

MaisyPops · 21/04/2018 21:34

If she gets home normally by train by 4:15 & a detention is til 5:15 and you are unable to collect her because of work at 6, then that's a school doing more than 1hour detentions (possibly closer to 2 hours)
I've never seen that.

Before calling school be very clear whether this is a genuine 'we cannot physically make it work' vs 'it's a bit inconvenient'.