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AIBU?

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Original poster

Afterschool detention

132 replies

bizzylizzy988 · 21/04/2018 20:47

DD is having her first detention Monday and it's an after school.
She's only in Year 7 and she forgot her Geography homework.
Her school doesn't allow mobile phones.
She gets on the train home - getting back from school usually at 4:25pm.
However her detention ends at 5:15pm. The next train is at 7pm...
Making her get home for around 7:35pm since she has to walk home from the station...
I don't really fancy her being around the station this late! It's very quiet.
I can't pick her up from the station and her other parent can't either cause we are both working at this time.
I wouldn't mind if she had a mobile but I'm worried could I call the school asking for a lunch detention or even two? I'm just a bit worried...

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 22/04/2018 11:00

2 hours for a forgotten piece of homework ? Bloody hell.

My kid would not be doing it either.her getting home that late and having to hang around bus/train stations . No chance.

Kids come from.all over for all sorts of reasons which are no one else's business .

I'd be asking around now as to what punishment was for more serious crimes. Because that's excessive. And how is she supposed to do her next lot of homework if she's home so late. Are they just going to keep her in 2 hours at a time for a problem.they caused?

Lunch time or an agreed alternative

Notevilstepmother · 22/04/2018 11:03

I think phoning the school and making alternative arrangements is far more grown up than Just call up the school and tell them she's not coming. Tell your daughter she's not going and if anybody asks her that's the answer she'll have to give.
It’s so upsetting to see children stuck in the middle of teacher and parent like this.

Yorkshirebetty · 22/04/2018 11:10

Just a quick question about the transport - if the trains are so few and far between, even at rush hour, what happens if her train gets cancelled or she misses it? Does she have to wait until 7pm?

Slartybartfast · 22/04/2018 11:11

You, detentions should only be handed out to those who live near school. Get an actual grip. Do your homework.

no - you can have a lunchtime detention

LockedOutOfMN · 22/04/2018 11:38

Grobagsforever
schools do not have the legal right to keep kids after school without your consent

Where did you get that one from? Hmm

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 22/04/2018 11:44

I would suggest talking to the school and rearranging the detention for lunchtime or finding another alternative. Point out it is a personal safety issue. And if they won’t budge, then she doesn’t do the detention. School discipline is important but not at the expense of your daughter’s safety.

MaisyPops · 22/04/2018 12:18

Anyway, OP, you’ve attracted a couple of school/teacher defenders so the thread will veer wildly now and end up a bunfight about how great teachers are versus how draconian and power hungry they are
Or people can continue to discuss reasonably like they have been all thread.

It's not school defending to point out that in law schools do not require consent or notice and most people have said the detention in this case seems harsh.

I would suggest talking to the school and rearranging the detention for lunchtime or finding another alternative
I agree. Even if that is a bit inconvenient for the OP.

  • student does 2 shorter after school detentions and OP has to sort arrangements and lifts
  • student does a series of lunch ones to make up the whole time
  • student does the full detention in one go but on a day when OP can find arrangements

Saying 'but these are 2 trains anything else doesn't work' isn't reasonable to me. If uou opt to send your child to a school then you accept thr implications of that choice.

(And just to reiterate, i also think 2h detention for 1 piece of homework is over the top but that's the school's call)

LiteraryDevil · 22/04/2018 18:51

All this sounds very odd from the working hours to the journey to the 2 hours detention. She goes across the road every day to a friend's house but you don't know their parents well enough to even know if they drive? And they are unsupervised at that house because those parents are also at work?

bridgetoc · 22/04/2018 18:55

Your poor baby........... How will she cope?

TheEmojiFormerlyKnownAsPrince · 22/04/2018 18:58

This is clearly a safeguarding issue. If anything happened to your dd after that detention then the school would be culpable.

Unless they have asked you whether you are going to pick her up, or her walk home and you have acknowledged that, then they are responsible for her.

I teach in a massive outstanding secondary. Ofsted were particularly impressed with the safeguarding.

Olivo · 22/04/2018 21:16

Watching this with interest. Seems a random ( And long) amount of time for a detention for one piece of missed homework and I can see why this late finish would be a worry. However, I get frustrated when parents phone me and ask for me to give up my half hour lunch, and sometimes only break in the day, because it is easier for them. In this case, I would request 2 X 30 mins after school ,and pick her up before you start work.

flubdub · 22/04/2018 21:25

I think ANY detention, be it lunch or after school, is unfair just for forgetting something, especially if your daughter is usually well behaved.
We are all human and forgetting the odd thing is what we do.
Or maybe I'm just a softie.
Anyway, I would ring School and tell them you are not prepared to leave your daughter hanging around a train station at night, and ask them to change it to a lunch time detention.

flubdub · 22/04/2018 21:35
BackforGood · 22/04/2018 21:49

I too am surprised that a detention is going to last 2 hours. I'd presume they were up to an hour.
In your circumstances, I would speak to the school - in the manner of 'how can we work this out?', as MaisyPops says.
School has a duty of care to their pupils and should not want her having to not arrive home until 7.35, and then at that time going in to an empty house.
Speak to them. See what you can work out together.

downinthejunglee · 22/04/2018 21:53

She should've done her homework then

BackforGood · 22/04/2018 21:56

down - the way I read the OP, she did do her homework, she just forgot to put it in her bag. Haven't you ever forgotten something when you are going to work, or out elsewhere ? I know I have.

MaisyPops · 22/04/2018 22:02

back
If it's not handed in on the deadline, I haven't seen it. It's treated as no homework.

Usually for students who always have it, they can get it to me by break the following day and avoid a detention (we all make mistakes). Other than that I give a detention straight away.

We all make mistakes but part of that is that most students will get in bother for something. It doesn't make them terrible people, it doesn't mean they will fail at life. They are just normal students and sometimes you get a detention and a firm word.

downinthejunglee · 22/04/2018 22:09

If it's not handed in on the deadline, I haven't seen it. It's treated as no homework.

This is exactly how it should be. How many of you didn't do your homework and just claimed you 'forgot' it? Exactly.

Side note, if I were you OP I would check with your DD that this a). Was the first time and b). Was the only reason for the detention before you start ringing.

MaisyPops · 22/04/2018 22:13

Exactly down.
I'd rather my students were honest with me than try to bullshit their way out of situations.
I've had students come to see me the morning honework was due and said 'mrs pops I know homework is due after lunch but I have left it at home / someone has just reminded me and I've not done it. Can i get it to you for first thing tomorrow morning?' The answer is yes (unless they regularly have a homework problem)
I value their maturity and honesty. It goes a long way.

BackforGood · 22/04/2018 22:26

Exactly Maisypops. IME, most teachers would be the same. (We don't know if OP's school is an exception of course).

I was replying to down who said she "should have done it".

carefreeeee · 22/04/2018 22:33

The home situation sounds like more of a safeguarding issue to me. Both parents out every evening, child spends every evening at a house with no adults at home either and where the parents don't know each other. Perhaps you need to rearrange things so that one parent is at home at least some evenings? Then you can help your eleven year old daughter to remember her homework

ZX81user · 22/04/2018 22:40

The school have to by law behave in a way that is reasonable and an 11 year old hanging round a station for nearly 2

Government guidancefor head teachers states:-

'School staff should not issue a detention where they know that doing so would compromise a child's safety. When ensuring that a detention outside school hours is reasonable, staff issuing the detention should consider the following points:
• Whether the detention is likely to put the pupil at risk.

• Whether the pupil has known caring responsibilities which mean that the detention is unreasonable.
• Whether the parents ought to be informed of the detention. In many cases it will be necessary to do so, but this will depend on the circumstances. For instance, notice may not be necessary for a short after school detention where the pupil can get home safely; and
• Whether suitable travel arrangements can be made by the parent for the pupil.'

PurpleCrowbar · 22/04/2018 22:40

As a teacher with a feckless year 9 ds (& he attends the school where I teach so that's fun for us both...) my experience is:

The student goes to see the teacher. It's their responsibility, not the parent's. Detention will be attended unless the student resolved the problem by catching up the work & apologising appropriately for embuggerance caused to the teacher by late submission.

If this doesn't happen, the detention is to be attended & both student & parent can jolly well suck up resultant inconvenience.

If they can't, having had every opportunity to just damn well hand in the work late, it escalates to internal suspension, which is more of a punishment than the initial detention.

No one is actually being obliged to walk home alone past the graveyard at dusk Thriller stylee!

Teachers don't like detentions either. Unless someone is manifestly taking the piss, we'd much rather the kid just said sorry for mucking us about & got the work done.

We also have homes to go to.

If a detention is unworkable because of travel home issues, then as a parent your options are to ask what your child needs to do to be up to date & avoid detention OR to accept that the behaviour policy for missed detention kicks in. Nothing awful will happen to your kid as a result. They'll do an internal suspension instead, that's all.

MyOtherProfile · 22/04/2018 22:50

The home situation sounds like more of a safeguarding issue to me. Both parents out every evening, child spends every evening at a house with no adults at home either and where the parents don't know each other.

Exactly my thoughts. Poor girl.

Brokenbiscuit · 22/04/2018 23:00

So, where does dd usually eat her dinner, OP? At the friend's house?

The detention is obviously a concern, but your current work set-up really doesn't sound very sustainable. Do you pay the friend's parents to look after your dd every night?