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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder why some children are so LOUD?

136 replies

AjasLipstick · 21/04/2018 06:15

Just pondering. A friend of my DD's...well it's actually a friend of DH's daughter who we know from the odd social occasion...she's 8 almost 9 but DD never wants to accept invitations to play with her because the child is so LOUD all the time.

She shouts, shrieks....yells. Constantly craving attention and to do "Crazy" things.

She's a perfectly bright child...seems advanced in art and is more or less polite ...I don't know of any special needs at all....and her parents are big sharers...but she's almost unbearable after about 20 minutes due to the sheer level of noise she makes.

I had a word with myself at the last event we were at with this family because she was so pushy for the attention of all the adults that I thought "God why don't her Mum and Dad tell her to be quiet?" and I thought "Would I feel like this if she were a boy?"

And then I realised that YES...I would feel the same. It's nothing to do with me expecting girls to be gentle and quiet....neither of my girls are particularly soft and gentle but they don't break my eardrums either!

OP posts:

mailfuckoff · 21/04/2018 06:19

One of my dc is loud. He had bad ears fur a lot of his early life that was undiagnosed and now he has no volume control. We tell him to he quiet but he does it without thinking. However I also have good projection and am on stage in an amateur way.

bestBuddyBestPal · 21/04/2018 06:23

Some people lack volume control throughout their lives. Some are loud but don't care.

What's your problem with her? Confident and wanting adult attention or loud?

IamChipmunk · 21/04/2018 06:26

My two are both loud. Ds especially so. He is almost 4. He has no volume control or off button and has been on the go since birth! We explain to him that we only shout outside and in soft play and explain that in restaurants etc we have to be very quiet so I hope he isnt too bad in public!

I don't have my car radio on anymore because I need the quiet.

Im a teacher tho so do a fair bit of voice raising, whilst on duty etc..
Thinking about what the pp said i wonder if were onto something?! He was used to a very noisy environment in the womb and listened to me talking allll day long!

LifeBeginsAtGin · 21/04/2018 06:29

Sounds like a nightmare, There are occasions when children should be seen and not heard.

speakout · 21/04/2018 06:36

I think maybe some of it is inherent, some learned from parents.

I have two extremely quiet children. OH and I are introverts. Although we are confident people, in group situations we are usually the listeners, not the talkers.
Our kids are very quiet in public, not boisterous or loud.

Even as toddlers it was easy to eat out in restaurants etc, they would always sit quietly at tables, never raise their voices, never charge around. Taking them places has always been easy.

Before anyone thinks I am boasting- this has not always been to their benefit, teachers would express worry to me that my kids wouldn't always speak up in class or join in with group discussions, even though she felt they had contributions to make.
In group play my kids would often be the ones to miss their turn or whatever as they were unlikely to push themselves forward and speak up.
That has been frustrating for me at times- as I can imagine having an overly noisy kid would be at times too.

Handsupbabyhandsup · 21/04/2018 06:42

I've got a very loud DD. It's very frustrating and she genuinely doesn't realise that her noise level is unacceptable. Any form of excitement and she hits deafening levels.

DH and I are quiet - no idea how she ended up like that.

Shedmicehugh1 · 21/04/2018 06:49

You only know her from the odd social gathering. 101 reasons why she might be loud.

You don’t know if she has a disability. She could have a hearing problem for example.

Jamsandwhichandgrapes · 21/04/2018 06:54

Oh god my second child is like a fog horn but he is a diddy thing! He cant talk. He shouts! Shrieks shouts! But only at home! So only i am treated to this daily show. Someone else turns up and he is so calm and collected. The otger 2 are quiet but the youngest will copy my screamer ocassionaly. I have tried talking to him. Recorded his shrieking, my eldest and his dad have told him but he cant hear it! He says hes not shouting!

Skippetydoodah · 21/04/2018 06:56

I wonder this. Neighbours one side have 3 kids, we hear them playing in the garden, having fun etc, no probs. Neighbours the other side 2 kids, every time they're in the garden my heart sinks, whining, fighting, shouting, screeching for attention. They just seem to be on a much higher volume setting and the parents just ignore it.

joystir59 · 21/04/2018 07:00

Why don't parents tell children to be quiet?

OneStepSideways · 21/04/2018 07:01

How infuriating. I can't stand it when kids are always shrieking and shouting and pushing for attention. It may be innate but I think it's also about learning volume control. My toddler is loud but I remind her when the volume is too high. I don't respond to shouting. I don't mind her yelling in the garden or park but not indoors. At nursery she's not allowed to screech and shout either.

I wonder if the little girl's parents ignore her a lot rather than teach her acceptable volume, so she's ended up super loud to get their attention?

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 21/04/2018 07:01

This could be my DS. Now we’re out in the garden a lot I really notice it. I don’t know whats more annoying to me neighbours...his constant shouting or my constant shhhhhhhing

Mymycherrypie · 21/04/2018 07:04

Some families just are loud. My IL’s are loud. My DH says it’s cultural and they enjoy shouting at each other, it’s just how they communicate. The tv is always loud so they talk over it, then someone can’t hear the tv so they turn it up a bit, so they get louder so they can still talk over it, then the tv is turned up again. Is a vicious cycle, often we get there and the tv volume is on 60+

DH is quieter now he doesn’t live with his parents but he honestly has the loudest voice I have ever heard on a person, I can hear him 5 aisles away in Tesco.

Toddlers that do the random sudden high pitched scream thing... my sons don’t do that and my daughter does. I think that’s just luck of the draw. I remember being at playgroup and hearing that shriek come from somewhere and think “I am so glad my two don’t do that” and now my DD does

Phillipa12 · 21/04/2018 07:05

My eldest ds is loud, but the he has a moderate hearing loss so speaks loudly over his brothers playing as he cant hear himself. His brothers are monkey see monkey do, there is nothing wrong with their hearing. I am constantly telling them to quieten down in the garden, luckily the house has 18in thick walls and neighbours cant hear them inside.

loveka · 21/04/2018 07:07

I have the same with neighbouring children! One of them is SO loud it is unbearable. He literally screams at the top of his voice for up to 8 hours without cease.

In the summer we have to close our windows, can't sit in our garden ehen he's outside. We worry about not being able to sell our house because of him. The parents don't care, they refuse to tell him to tone it down. I have never heard them ask him to be quiet. He has no medical issues. His mum told me that he was loud as a toddler and her husband and mother in law stopped her trying to quiet him down.

The 3 children on the other side make normal playing noise and it doesn't bother me at all.

IamPickleRick · 21/04/2018 07:14

I used to have a loud man get on my train every night for 5 years. He’d find his equally loud friend and they would go on continually for 7 stops. I knew everything about him, his girlfriends name, where he lived, what he’d eaten for dinner, where he was going at the weekend, now Spurs were doing, how much they both hated arsenal, the latest on eastenders... honestly it was awful. I used to move carriages but most times you couldn’t due to space. People would say “for fucks sake” when he got on and he was oblivious.

He came up as a suggested friend once. BLOCK.

confusedofengland · 21/04/2018 07:15

My DS with suspected autism talks loudly, especially when excited & does not notice it himself. We have to frequently remind him to use his 'indoor voice'.

Fridasfridgefreezer · 21/04/2018 07:16

I was type out a long post about my experience as a primary teacher and my own children, but the short of it is I generally think you can train most children to be quieter and to prefer to be so. It can take a fair bit of time granted, but can be done for the majority.
Some parents don’t notice/mind/know how to deal with it and you end up with noisy children.

Stormy76 · 21/04/2018 07:17

My kids were loud, they still are and I am an introvert. My head feels like it's close to bursting when they are in the house .....now they are 17 and 22 and still can't lower their voices, shut kitchen cupboard door, turn off a light lol

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 21/04/2018 07:18

Loud kids absolutely grate on my nerves. I know they are excited when running about in the garden or park, but on public transport - aaargh - especially that shrieky thing that some do. I need a lot of quiet which is one reason I don't have kids. Seems like it can just be the luck of the draw in some cases.

Yorkshiremum17 · 21/04/2018 07:23

Mine had no volume switch but then his dad can be the same! I just tell them both they're being lots and to quieten down😀

When my son was little we had an inside voice and an outside voice and had to tell him which one to use. My neice and nephew area the same, my sister doesn't notice it, but they get told to be quieter in my house!

Original poster

AjasLipstick · 21/04/2018 07:23

Glad I'm not the only one who finds it tough! So the consensus is there's often no real reason for it...some kids either don't realise how loud they are or they do but their parents have never taught them to be quiet sometimes! This child's parents just smile fondly at her and I can see other adults and even other kids are strained by the noise she makes.

I feel mean now but she is a lovely child in many ways...very imaginative and friendly.

OP posts:

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 21/04/2018 07:41

My 10yo middle child has a (to put it politely) very resonant voice and often does those sorts of 'crazy' things as in the OP - not continuously, though, and he doesn't do it to gain adult attention. There's probably auditory processing stuff going on with him, but part of it is simply his self-expression. He appears capable of moderating it when context calls for it.

pictish · 21/04/2018 07:42

They probably find your dd a bit mousey and wet in comparison. I’m not saying your dd is either of those things btw, but we are all used to and prefer what we know. They will think of their dd as exuberant, outgoing etc and will be proud as punch. You think of yours as well behaved and likeable and will be proud as punch too.

summerinthecountry · 21/04/2018 07:43

You do sound quite judgemental and lacking in generosity, so what if she is loud, she is a child and doesn't have to be quiet just to fit in with your expectations of volume control.

I think the young girl might be better of away from people like you that clearly don't like her very much, I really wouldn't invite her again and make her feel uncomfortable.

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