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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wonder why some children are so LOUD?

136 replies

AjasLipstick · 21/04/2018 06:15

Just pondering. A friend of my DD's...well it's actually a friend of DH's daughter who we know from the odd social occasion...she's 8 almost 9 but DD never wants to accept invitations to play with her because the child is so LOUD all the time.

She shouts, shrieks....yells. Constantly craving attention and to do "Crazy" things.

She's a perfectly bright child...seems advanced in art and is more or less polite ...I don't know of any special needs at all....and her parents are big sharers...but she's almost unbearable after about 20 minutes due to the sheer level of noise she makes.

I had a word with myself at the last event we were at with this family because she was so pushy for the attention of all the adults that I thought "God why don't her Mum and Dad tell her to be quiet?" and I thought "Would I feel like this if she were a boy?"

And then I realised that YES...I would feel the same. It's nothing to do with me expecting girls to be gentle and quiet....neither of my girls are particularly soft and gentle but they don't break my eardrums either!

OP posts:
LakieLady · 21/04/2018 12:32

OP, I wondered if the child you're talking about is DP's niece! She is most god-awful screecher and screamer. She has 2 older brothers, the elder one speaks at normal volume, but the younger one is also very loud.

At family events, she gets into rough play with her brother and the noise is unbearable. She has a screech that could shatter glass, and my god, does she like to use it. It traumatises the dog, so we don't take her to MIL's any more, much to MIL's disappointment. I have to absent myself to another room when they start getting hyper, the noise is close to my pain threshold.

It doesn't help that their mother lets them do what they like until it actually gets on her nerves, and then she loses her shit. They are pretty out of control.

Their father is very loud, and can't conduct a conversation at normal volume. DP reckons this is why the younger two are so loud: their dad was working long hours when the oldest was little, but was mostly working from home by the time the younger two were born. He reckons that the loud father has made shouting seem normal.

LeighaJ · 21/04/2018 12:32

I don't know why some people are so loud, my Mom's family is like that. My great-grandparents who helped raise us always stressed how important it was for us not to become like that because it's unnecessary and puts people off.

ORIam · 21/04/2018 12:34

My DS has a friend who's so loud I almost crashed the car when he shrieked out loud very suddenly at something on his phone, got the fright of my life. I couldn't cope with that level of noise on a daily basis. I'm just thankful mine doesn't have a loud voice as I'm very noise sensitive generally. It's not just children though, some people are just very loud i avoid those people.

Viviennemary · 21/04/2018 12:35

YANBU. There is no need for shrieking and yelling. I couldn't stand it myself. I don't see why I should have to dose myself up with headache tablets because people can't tell their DC's to stfu.

ggirl · 21/04/2018 12:35

I think all children should only whisper

ggirl · 21/04/2018 12:36

especially in the garden when its sunny Wink

puppymouse · 21/04/2018 12:38

DD is mostly quiet but bossy and chatty at home - she rarely goes over the top. She has a friend who just screeches and screams like an animal for the sake of making a noise and I can see DD cringing every time. She doesn't join in. But I'd rather that than some other behaviours I think.

QueenofSerene · 21/04/2018 12:41

I think personality can play a huge role in it, my DH is very quiet and introverted as are his folks. I’m quite extroverted and can be quite “boisterous” as is my father and eldest brother.

However sometimes I think there can be a hearing issue potentially, my mother is quite a shy introvert but she’s really loud, turns out she’s 80% deaf in both ears and especially struggles with the frequency of female voices which explains why she’s also incredibly jumpy. I remember the day she got her hearing aids and she called me up to say “omg I heard the door swishing on the carpet when I opened it!” - similarly my eldest brother is deaf in one ear, which was discovered during a physical to join the army.

SpelllllIiiiiit · 21/04/2018 12:46

German children are also very loud in my experience!

What experience is this?

When I was in Munich for a 6 week engineering project with work last year I noticed that children generally seemed more balanced and happy than over here. They were mostly allowed to play without their parents breathing down their neck and correcting their every step, were allowed to sort minor disagreements among themselves and just seemed sort of more 'free range' and healthy. That might have just been the Munich area though as pace and quality of life seem generally more relaxed than in the South East of England.

SpelllllIiiiiit · 21/04/2018 12:49

Whilst I have found children in Greece (holidays) very noisy Grin but probably they are just having loads of fun.

Catsrawesome · 21/04/2018 13:20

It’s like the parents you see while eating out. The whole place knows they are there and are privvy to their entire conversations. Kids learn by example. You just know those kids are going to take after their loud mouth “ I need everybodys attention” parents and become loudmouths themselves!

Mousefunky · 21/04/2018 13:57

I have a loud almost seven year old DD. She has been loud from birth Grin. I always have to inform her of just how loud she’s being as I truly don’t think she has a clue. She shouts rather than talks.

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 21/04/2018 14:36

This:
'When I was in Munich for a 6 week engineering project with work last year I noticed that children generally seemed more balanced and happy than over here. They were mostly allowed to play without their parents breathing down their neck and correcting their every step, were allowed to sort minor disagreements among themselves and just seemed sort of more 'free range' and healthy. That might have just been the Munich area though as pace and quality of life seem generally more relaxed than in the South East of England.'

It's true. I live in Germany (nowhere near Munich) and schools and playgrounds tend to be a laid-back buzz with the odd shouts etc rather than manic screaming and shouting.

MollyDaydream · 21/04/2018 14:45

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InspMorse · 21/04/2018 14:48

grasspigeons
Yes, I'm sure they have asked him to tone it down. Many times.
For many it's learnt behaviour (they're fighting for air space with their peers - trying to get heard, letting off steam).
I'm saying that most people - including children have the ability to be quieter if they choose to be or if they're asked to be.
Sounds like your son's teachers have tried everything to minimise the noise & their only option is to sit him at the back?

KingLooieCatz · 21/04/2018 14:49

We just shared a house with BIL, SIL and their three boys for a week. Deafening at times. And the only one with additional needs is ours! The parents never or rarely tell them to keep it down and I noticed the parents had a marked tendency to just yell up the stairs etc whereas we would tend to find DS and tell him, so that we're not teaching him to yell for attention.

Trickiest bit was DS has ADHD and it's really important that we help him wind down at bed time and keep things calm, or he'll be bouncing off the walls for hours. Just as we'd settle down in a darkened room to read with him for a bit, a booming voice would reverberate through the house, DSIL reading to her two littlest, it sounded like they were in separate bedrooms so she was projecting from one room to another, or reading from the landing in between.

Their littlest was still doing the toddler sudden meaningless squawk thing when he started school. God only knows what the school made of it. I reiterate, the only one with additional needs was ours!

Allthewaves · 21/04/2018 14:51

Eldest has ADHD and his is VERY loud

TheTurnOfTheScrew · 21/04/2018 14:57

I have a loud one. The elder one, DH and I are all quietly spoken introverts. The youngest is like Brian Blessed reincarnated as a 7yo girl. No shrieking/screaming/deliberate shouting, just A VOICE LIKE A FOGHORN. She's another one who was recalled a number of times at preschool hearing checks.

IWouldLikeToKnow · 21/04/2018 14:59

I don't think it's just children. I know adults that are just loud too. My SIL and her family have no idea how to talk quietly. Everything is just loud. It's not rude, it's just volume control!!!!

corythatwas · 21/04/2018 15:02

My youngest was very loud. I worked incessantly on trying to keep his voice down in a familiar setting. Wasn't proud of it, fully understood that other people found it exhausting.

Otoh he was selectively mute: at school he didn't speak at all, and the childminder though for a long time that there was something wrong with his speech development.

Then he hit puberty. My understanding is that he now speaks in a perfectly normal manner outside of the house; what I get to hear is an inaudible mutter. Polite and pleasant- but I never know what he's actually saying.

Turquoisesea · 21/04/2018 15:30

My DD (10) and DS (13) are both very loud at home & both talk a lot! My DS has ASD & ADHD but is quiet when out but was fairly loud as a toddler. He even had a buzz light year toy that used to say “no need to shout”. My DD is noisy & is prone to shrieking at home! (I suspect she has ADHD too), I have tried to get them to be quieter and tell them all the time to quieten down but they will for 5 minutes or so & just start up again. I do think personality plays a massive part of it, I am extrovert & used to talk a lot as a child! My DH has a loud voice & I don’t think he has any idea how loud he is sometimes. I suppose as adults we are all different so it’s only to be expected that children will have different personalities too. Believe me I have tried to get them to be quieter but they just can’t help themselves!

SpringNowPlease2018 · 21/04/2018 15:41

a lot of adults don't have volume control and think it's being a killjoy to dislike noise

so they would never try to instil volume control into their children.

lovehak · 21/04/2018 15:49

I see more loud annoying adults at the park screaming cause the pool outside is cold well duh it's outside and this isn't Dubai

Babyroobs · 21/04/2018 15:53

MY NDN's two boys are horrendously loud, so much so that we cannot sit and relax in the garden.

mrspicklepants27 · 21/04/2018 15:57

Nightmare! I can't STAND loud and mouthy kids.

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