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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder why some children are so LOUD?

136 replies

AjasLipstick · 21/04/2018 06:15

Just pondering. A friend of my DD's...well it's actually a friend of DH's daughter who we know from the odd social occasion...she's 8 almost 9 but DD never wants to accept invitations to play with her because the child is so LOUD all the time.

She shouts, shrieks....yells. Constantly craving attention and to do "Crazy" things.

She's a perfectly bright child...seems advanced in art and is more or less polite ...I don't know of any special needs at all....and her parents are big sharers...but she's almost unbearable after about 20 minutes due to the sheer level of noise she makes.

I had a word with myself at the last event we were at with this family because she was so pushy for the attention of all the adults that I thought "God why don't her Mum and Dad tell her to be quiet?" and I thought "Would I feel like this if she were a boy?"

And then I realised that YES...I would feel the same. It's nothing to do with me expecting girls to be gentle and quiet....neither of my girls are particularly soft and gentle but they don't break my eardrums either!

OP posts:

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 21/04/2018 07:44

(I have noticed, though, that there appears to be a tendency on here for some people to really resent children wanting adult attention, or attention full stop. I'm not sure why; I'm assuming it's rooted in deep cultural beliefs about children being seen and not heard and being 'overconfident' if they 'push themselves forward' (which we, as Brits, don't like in general). Perhaps check your response to this and whether thry might be affecting your perceptions)

Windbeneathmybingowings · 21/04/2018 07:54

The squealing thing is definitely luck of the draw. Little babies/toddlers just get excited and lose control. They usually grow out of that. But once they get older than 5, if they don’t have some other issue going on, it will be learned behaviour.

LittleLionMansMummy · 21/04/2018 08:05

7yo ds is loud and gregarious. He wears his heart on his sleeve and also has a huge heart and is very kind and loving, as well as being a total clown - he likes making people laugh. I don't really know where it comes from tbh but he comes from a wider family with cousins a similar age. He's the youngest so maybe he's used to fighting to get himself heard above the rest of the family! Asking him to turn the volume down is ineffective. Luckily people seem to like him rather than be irritates by him. He can be quiet, but he's excitable and has a zest for life. We love him just the way he is and don't expect him to change for other people, it's his personality now.

Ishouldntbesolucky · 21/04/2018 08:12

Mine are both loud. I'm constantly telling them to be quiet - they just don't seem to realise how loud they are! And then of course I have to raise my voice so they can hear me. They are happy children, but the noise!

I wish I knew how to calm them down a bit and make them quieter. To those saying 'why don't the parents tell them to be quiet?' Please tell me how I get them to be quiet. I'd love to know.

hazeyjane · 21/04/2018 08:17

Some people are loud people and some people are quiet people.

I think that just about covers it.

pinkhorse · 21/04/2018 08:27

Some adults are like it as well though. There are people in my office that you can hear from the other end of the room when they're talking to the person next to them. drives everyone mad

Ozgirl75 · 21/04/2018 08:29

My two boys are on the loud side too. Not shrieking, just loud voices in general. I do tell them there’s no need to shout as I’m right here but it’s like talking to the wind. They are quieter for 5 mins and then the volume rises again.

I do try, but they aren’t doing anything wrong as such. We were in a car yesterday and they were just talking about bikes and cars and I could feel glances and did tell them to use a voice only I can hear but it’s like being out with two exuberant Italians sometimes - hand gestures, wild hyperbole, occasional arguments and resolutions all in one conversation.

Ozgirl75 · 21/04/2018 08:29

In a cafe not in a car.

midnightmisssuki · 21/04/2018 08:32

I’m going to go with..... all children are different.

user1483390742 · 21/04/2018 08:34

They will probably just grow into loud adults.

ohreallyohreallyoh · 21/04/2018 08:36

I have a loud child. It is a symptom of his dyspraxia. He can’t help it.

Incarnationsofunderstanding · 21/04/2018 08:37

I spent 4 hrs telling DD2 to be quiet. We've just found out she has hearing issues, the guilt!

BUT we still try to tell her to drop the volume as everyone else can hear her even if she can't, because it is mind blowingly annoying. Her sisters just keep getting louder to compete and saying "MUMMY BUT SHES DEAF".

Incarnationsofunderstanding · 21/04/2018 08:38

Years not hours!

Ishouldntbesolucky · 21/04/2018 08:38

Yes this, totally this!

TheNavigator · 21/04/2018 08:41

My youngest is loud. So is her dad. I constantly tell both of them to turn the volume down. It sometimes works for a few minutes, but it is just how they are. We are all different - less judgement and more acceptance makes the world a kinder, happier place.

grasspigeons · 21/04/2018 08:45

One of my children is loud. I have tried everything to make him quiet. To be fair he would be silent in a church service or at the cinema or theatre but somewhere like a park you can hear him over everything else (lawnmowers, passing jet engines) 4 teachers have suggested a hearing tests. I think basically he has a zest for life and it bursts out everywhere including his voice

Witchend · 21/04/2018 08:48

DS has glue ear. I can tell how bad it is by the volume he is producing at the time.

Chocolate1984 · 21/04/2018 08:49

My daughter is bright, advanced in art, polite most of the time & has no obvious disability. She is ASD. Generally around family she is fine but around others she gets so excited/nervous she can't control herself. Loud fast talking, body flapping all over the place, blurting out random noises. She has been rejected by kids most of her life so feels more comfortable with adults & will speak to them in social situations more than kids. Unfortunately outsiders only see her behaving like this as they are not part of her every day life.

feelinggoodinspring · 21/04/2018 08:49

Loud adults/adults who never shut up etc.. really annoy me. Children I can deal with.

hettie · 21/04/2018 08:50

I have two raving extroverts with boundless energy. They skip and bounce about (both their nicknames given by others have run and bounce in them!). They are loud, talk a lot and often at high volume. I constantly have to manage this where it isn't appropriate (and have done since toddler hood). There are clear consequences if it's not the right setting. They are better, but still 'lively personalities' . I get high energy extroverts are not everyones cup of tea, but it is who they are.....

InterstellarSleepingElla · 21/04/2018 08:55

My most common phrase with my girls is "indoor voices"

The 15 year old (SN) is fairly quiet when on her own but get her and the three year old together and it is hellish. The three year old on her own is bloody loud most of the time though.

I like quiet - I don't get it.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 21/04/2018 08:58

It's loud people in general that set my teeth on edge. We were away at Easter, in Majorca. Did lots of naturey type things, so what should be peaceful and quiet; everywhere you went there would be families, couples, groups who had to conduct their conversations at top volume. Just shhh. People 100 yards away don't want to hear your reminisces about your uni days or that amazing bar you were in.

MargaretCavendish · 21/04/2018 09:04

Some families just are loud. My IL’s are loud.

I had no idea I was from a loud family until DH pointed it out. We all, without thinking, conduct conversations from different rooms, and when we're all together it is pretty noisy (I only have one brother, so it's not like this is because we're a massive brood!). Weirdly, none of us individually are loud people, and I think (and hope!) we're ok out in public - it's just in my parents' house that we still all revert to being, erm, exuberant!

But I agree it's horses for courses. My contrast, it took me a long time to get used to the museum-like atmosphere in DH's parents' house. I think we both secretly still think that the other one's way is 'right'!

InspMorse · 21/04/2018 09:07

Loud children can tone it down if you ask them to.
30 x Year 7 or 8 come into my classroom literally screaming & shouting at each other after lunch in the afternoon. I dont know why but they cannot seem control the volume on their own!
They quieten down pretty quickly when asked to by an adult so it can be done!

steppemum · 21/04/2018 09:11

well, I hesitate to say it, but the family I know who have unbearably loud children, it is definitely a parent issue.
They never ever ask the children to pipe down. They have always thought it was fine for them to scream and shout excessively. It is part of her loving parent philosophy.

I love the mum veyr much she is a close friend, but my family hate having to meet up with her as her kids are so loud.

I do think that parents should teach kids about indoor voices and outdoor voices, and tell them to shhh at times.
I am very loud myself, so it is not just a personality/comparison thing. And hwen I have had her kids here, I have gently said shh, don't need to shout and they have been able to moderate their voices.

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