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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why some children are so LOUD?

136 replies

AjasLipstick · 21/04/2018 06:15

Just pondering. A friend of my DD's...well it's actually a friend of DH's daughter who we know from the odd social occasion...she's 8 almost 9 but DD never wants to accept invitations to play with her because the child is so LOUD all the time.

She shouts, shrieks....yells. Constantly craving attention and to do "Crazy" things.

She's a perfectly bright child...seems advanced in art and is more or less polite ...I don't know of any special needs at all....and her parents are big sharers...but she's almost unbearable after about 20 minutes due to the sheer level of noise she makes.

I had a word with myself at the last event we were at with this family because she was so pushy for the attention of all the adults that I thought "God why don't her Mum and Dad tell her to be quiet?" and I thought "Would I feel like this if she were a boy?"

And then I realised that YES...I would feel the same. It's nothing to do with me expecting girls to be gentle and quiet....neither of my girls are particularly soft and gentle but they don't break my eardrums either!

OP posts:
Chewbecca · 21/04/2018 09:12

My old neighbours used to be liked this, especially the DD (wonder if it could be the same girl?!) I have no doubt that it was learned behaviour from their mum though, every comment to them was yelled at top volume and they inevitably yelled back. It was annoying because despite reasonably large gardens, we could hear every word. I used to hear them in the supermarket sometimes too, you could hear them several aisles away, just chatting but at extra loud volume.

Thankfully they moved and a new family moved in who also like to play out but at a normal volume so we only hear the odd squeal, laugh or strop instead of every interaction.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 21/04/2018 09:21

I've never minded the normal noise of playing - it's that high-pitched screaming that drives me mad. Used to have a child next door who would scream almost non stop when playing out. She was about 6 - far too old for what is IMO a babyish habit. Once they are past about 3 it's high time they were told to stop it.

StorminaBcup · 21/04/2018 09:46

Ds1 is super loud and has been since the day I had I him. I even had a repeat hearing test for him at 9 months because I was convinced they’d missed something, his cry was so loud (not that I left to him cry, it’s just when he did cry it was LOUD!). Ds2 isn’t naturally loud but is having to compete with ds1 so there are days when the noise starts to grate. Everyone must think I named them ‘shhh’ and ‘indoor voice’.

mombie · 21/04/2018 09:55

I have an extremely quiet DS, 2 at a regular volume level and 1 DS3 (7)who has a really loud voice. He doesn't scream, shriek or attention seek but his actually talking voice just booms. When I tell him to use his indoor voice he looks at me with a baffled expression and says 'this is my indoor voice'. It can be irritating for everyone involved but when he laughs and chuckles in his booming voice I LOVE it (I'm obviously biased as his mum), plus he always gets a main role/narrator type role in assemblies so it's not all bad.

YippeeTipTap · 21/04/2018 09:57

We are a quiet family and my kids are quiet even now they are adults. I can’t stand overly loud kids or overly loud parenting.

I think a lot of it is just how the kids are but I like to think parenting has something to do with it.

My kids were all quiet at school which isn’t always a good thing. They were confident and happy to talk but we’re just quiet.

One of my nieces used to screech and yelp all the timeouts until she was reasonably old. She was very excitable. It was incredible irritating but I’m not sure she could stop it easily.

If kids are just being loud when they are talking or playing I don’t mind so much but it’s when they seem to be making noise for the sake of making noise that it’s irritating. Running around screaming is not ok.

Obviously if a kid has SN then none of my complaints apply!

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 21/04/2018 10:03

Dh comes from a loud family. When I first went to his house I thought they were rowing all the time. Alone, he's a quiet man and he couldn't cope if our kids were excessively loud without reason, but oh my lord. DO YOU WANT TEA OR COFFEE. COFFEE PLEASE. WOULD YOU LIKE A BISCUIT. NO THANKS. Ad bloody infinitum.

grasspigeons · 21/04/2018 10:06

@IspMorse

I have had 14 parents evenings now - each one has started with a description of how loud my child is - apparently even his footsteps reverberated across the shed of a classroom they were in for year 4 and the teacher said she and her TA had tried to recreate the noise during break and struggled. it was a fun parent evening, where we all had a go, and called my son it to demonstrate. This years teacher has sat him as far from her desk as possible and said its very hard to be cross because he is always on task, really positive about it and encouraging others. I'm pretty sure they have thought of asking him to tone it down.

Teddy1970 · 21/04/2018 10:08

One of DDs friends doesn't talk, she shouts all the time....we went out for the day with her and her mum over Easter, it got on my nerves after a few hours, I asked DD if she shouted at school and she said yes she does all the time apparently!

SilverOnToast · 21/04/2018 10:08

I’m another one from a ridiculously loud family. Partly due to some of us having hearing issues, and partly due to us all doing a lot of theatre so we’ve needed to practise projection. It’s not really intentional but if I get excited about something my volume control is rubbish. Luckily I now live in the USA, where this kind of exuberance seems to be more culturally acceptable.

I didn’t realise until I met my DW how loud my family is. Our DD seems really loud for DW, but seems pretty quiet to me so I guess it’s all relative!

Sparklynails7 · 21/04/2018 10:15

It's not just children because they grow up to be really loud adults. It really grates on me if someone has a booming voice. It's as though they're shouting in the same room as you, even though they're in a different room!

tierraJ · 21/04/2018 10:23

Some teenagers & adults are so loud too.
I don't get it because I'm a quiet person, so are my family & friends.

When my best friends 3 yr old gets noisy my best friend tells her to quieten down & she does.

Lizzie48 · 21/04/2018 10:33

My DD1 (9) has hearing problems and she has difficulty speaking at a normal volume. She either shouts or she speaks very quietly. She does this in the car and it's very annoying because we can't hear a word she's saying.

DD2 (6) on the other hand is very loud, though she can tone it down when we pull her up on it. She still does it again, though. I think that's because she has a big personality. She's not constantly loud, however, it happens when she's excited or angry.

I do think parents need to teach them volume control. A loud child wouldn't realise how annoying it is for other people if their parents don't teach them. Hmm

swingofthings · 21/04/2018 10:43

So glad to read that thread. I HATE really HATE loud kids. It is such a horrible sound, it makes my heart rate go up every time, but as it's been said, it's not the children that annoy me but their parents who seem to think it is totally acceptable and then worse, get aggressive with you when you show sign of annoyance because they strongly believe that it is their kids right to be as loud as they want and that people who don't like it should just go elsewhere.

Unfortunately, it is very much a British thing. Most other European parents will tell their children off for being loud. It is considered one of those social skills you learn as a kid along with other respectful actions, but somehow not here because kids rule the world and adults should adapt to them at risk otherwise to traumatise them with anxiety.

It's not the loud speaking that is the issue but the shrieking, screaming, yelling, fighting.

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 21/04/2018 10:47

I can't stand the shrieking that seems to be so prevalent now. You can see on Mumsnet why it happens - there are so many parents who think their children have a right to make noise and do whatever they want regardless of how it affects other people. It's sad.

swingofthings · 21/04/2018 10:52

I feel really sorry for teachers who then have to battle for kids to not be so loud when the kids have no clue why the teacher is expecting it when it is totally normal behaviour for them at home.

Imnoth3r3 · 21/04/2018 10:53

Maybe the loud kids have hearing impairments???

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 21/04/2018 10:56

Maybe the loud kids have hearing impairments???

And maybe they're just loud with indulgent (crap) parents.

grasspigeons · 21/04/2018 10:57

By contrast our other child is really quiet. And there is no shrieking/yelling/screaming from either it's just his normal talking voice is loud. He has had glue ear for a few years but it's cleared up.

wizzywig · 21/04/2018 10:57

Haa haa 'zest for life' yeah...

SomethingNastyInTheBallPool · 21/04/2018 11:00

Oh god, I can’t bear shrieky children. It just seems so unnecessary and even deliberate sometimes.
But I come from a quiet family and my DD, despite hearing problems, isn’t a shrieker, thankfully.

MollyDaydream · 21/04/2018 11:00

One of my 3 is loud, so, so loud. We do tell him to be quiet constantly but then I also feel bad about it!

Lethaldrizzle · 21/04/2018 11:02

I am constantly telling my kids to pipe down which is quite sad in some ways but they are really annoying! May be I should live in the middle of nowhere where no-one could hear them scream!

BeansandSausages · 21/04/2018 11:03

Same as @mailfuckoff

Anyone with a loud child though I would recommend getting hearing checked asap. Dc passed the school test but had over half hearing loss, they aren't completely reliable. Cue loads of problems and now a legacy of trying to get dc to be quieter as instinctively they are loud.

Bluelonerose · 21/04/2018 11:03

Oh god my dd is the loud child she hasn't shut up since she learnt to talk.

I remember a parents evening when she was about 8/9 and her when teacher said "when she stops for breath I normally jump in then" Grin

VelvetSpoon · 21/04/2018 11:03

Most children are loud because they're allowed to be.

My neighbours are a case in point, there are no SN with any of their kids, all of whom they leave outside in the garden all day screeching and shouting. I can't have my windows open if watching tv as their noise is deafening.

My neighbours are the type who think all children are wonderful and never tell their kids off. Meaning they have raised s bunch of horrible noisy little brats. They're all horrible to each other too, half the screeching is because one has hit or hurt another or taken a toy etc but they've clearly never been taught how to play nicely either. The parents never intervene just sit indoors (with headphones on presumably) allowing everyone else to be disrupted by the noise!