Conversation hogger!

[Banoffeematernity]

A month ago I started a new baby group and the majority of mums are lovely but one mum in particular is an expert at hogging conversations. I happily listen to her stories but I can never get more than two sentences out before she talks right over me with the next thing in her head.

She does it so effortlessly and without raising her voice, and I feel like it's a contant battle to have any kind of input. I find it exhausting and end up giving up.

Anyway today she asked me if I fancied going for a coffee next week. I was exhausted again as the LO has been crabby for a few days. I politely told her that I'd rather not as I feel she talks at me rather than being interested in what I had to say and I find conversations with her a battle that leave me exhausted. I honestly think if she subs me for a traffic cone she'll have just as good a time! (I never said that though).

Was that rude of me? I honestly had no energy to think up a decent excuse. Does anyone have any self defence tips for counteracting conversation hoggers... short of screaming 'let me finish one f'ing sentence FFS!' lol

Oh my !! Good for you !! What was her response? I deal with hoggers on a daily basis - wish I had the front to say something !!

Another "What was her response?"!

You are my hero!

Yes, what was her response? Maybe she didn't realise she was doing it and wondered why she couldn't make friends...

Well done you, but what did she say? Normally people don't take such bluntness well.

Which bit did you tell her? That she exhausts you? Or did you just decline politely without saying why?

I think it was rather rude of you actually. Thinking about how I would feel if I asked someone for coffee and they responded as you did. Maybe she is just like that with no offence intended. I'm quite loud so this situation would never bother me anyway. YABU.

I feel like I do this to people sometimes I don’t mean to, and I always beat myself up afterwards if I feel like I have done but sometimes I get so excited about things that are going on and it all just comes out of my mouth. It’s certainly not that I’m not interested in other people.

I hope you were a bit nicer to her than it sounds, nobody’s perfect. If you said that to me, it’s something I’d never forget.

Ha!! Holy fuck op. You’re brave. Um... it could go either way. If someone told me I was a conversation hog I’d be mortified but I’d then work on it, so you’d be doing me a favour. If she’s more sensitive than me though, then you may have either riled or upset her.

She went completely quiet, said 'oh... okay' and then left. I felt terribly guilty, as if I'd just told her that her dog had died.

I honestly felt like screaming 'sorry, please come back, we can have coffee' as I don't like ppl hating me, but then the thought of how that coffee meet would play out entered my mind and I held my tongue.

That is very impressive. I’ve just had to tell a close friend the same thing, she took it well.

I can’t stand people who bubble away like demented kettles and don’t pause to draw breath so the only way you can get a word in is to interrupt and look rude in the process.

Hmmm that’s quite sad actually; her reaction I mean. I doubt she hates you, so wouldn’t worry about that, but I bet it hurt! Maybe it’s a good thing in the long run..?

Gosh
I know people like that and understand what you mean but still....
Feels a bit mean to me, think I would have said I'll just too exhausted , it might have been kinder.

Go you, OP! Quite right. Hate people like that.

Gosh OP - that was a bit harsh. I'm pretty chatty (I often say to people that I am good in small doses) and I would be so so upset if someone said that to me. I bet she went home and cried - I would have done and a comment like that stays with you.

I feel sorry for her. She probably doesn't mean to do it, and her nice gesture of asking you out for coffee was met with a blunt and personal criticism. I think it was tactless to raise it in that manner.

Just to say you were not rude at all. People who hog conversations are the rude ones and they need to be told the truth.

She may just be insecure and hoping to make friends and keeps up a stream of nervous chatter just so you will like her and think she's a fun friend to have around. I've probably been guilty of this a few times. One to one over coffee she may have been very different. Guess you won't find out now, as there's no coming back from a comment like that.

She only asked the OO out for coffee so that SHE had a captive to talk at.

OP

Can't believe the number of people who actually think the OP's response is ok ! The other woman was a bit chatty and OTT but not rude! I hate rude people.

I doubt she hates you. Herself, possibly. Hopefully she's a genuinely thoughtless cow who always behaves like this and not horribly isolated and struggling with being stuck in the house all day with no one to talk to but the baby.

Could you maybe leave it a fortnight, invite her for coffee and, if she agrees, see if she has listened to what you said and lets you speak?
I am really not like. your friend, but I think I would be very upset if someone said anything like that to me.