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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Conversation hogger!

817 replies

Banoffeematernity · 18/04/2018 20:29

A month ago I started a new baby group and the majority of mums are lovely but one mum in particular is an expert at hogging conversations. I happily listen to her stories but I can never get more than two sentences out before she talks right over me with the next thing in her head.

She does it so effortlessly and without raising her voice, and I feel like it's a contant battle to have any kind of input. I find it exhausting and end up giving up.

Anyway today she asked me if I fancied going for a coffee next week. I was exhausted again as the LO has been crabby for a few days. I politely told her that I'd rather not as I feel she talks at me rather than being interested in what I had to say and I find conversations with her a battle that leave me exhausted. I honestly think if she subs me for a traffic cone she'll have just as good a time! (I never said that though).

Was that rude of me? I honestly had no energy to think up a decent excuse. Does anyone have any self defence tips for counteracting conversation hoggers... short of screaming 'let me finish one f'ing sentence FFS!' lol

OP posts:
BlameItOnTheBoomBoom · 18/04/2018 20:54

I doubt you'll see her at your next baby group meet-up...

Thequeenisdeadboys · 18/04/2018 20:54

The op wouldn't get a second chance if she spoke to me like that !

Dogsmom · 18/04/2018 20:55

You were really mean, you've known her a month and haven't given her a chance.

Yes she may be a chatterbox who isn't interested in anyone else or could be really nervous and desperate to make friends, you'll never know.

She's better off without someone like you as a friend and I hope she has the confidence to go back to group next week and talk to someone nice.

iamyourequal · 18/04/2018 20:56

Good on you OP. I wish I was as brave as you. I used to have a friend liked that. Talked talked talked non-stop. No matter what the topic I knew she would butt in with her own never-ending anecdote from her own life. And never care to ask anyone else’s. Hopefully your friend will have reflected on how she is in company and will have learned something today.

MereDintofPandiculation · 18/04/2018 20:57

She may need to be told, but that needs to come from a friend. Of course that will be difficult now her attempt to start a friendship has been so roughly rejected.

NewYearNewMe18 · 18/04/2018 20:58

People who babble away like that are usually either lonely or nervous... and this board is chocka with people who suffer with anxiety, so you should really recognise the signs. .

Congratulations OP. I hope you enjoyed putting her down. I doubt she'll come back to your personal group.

Thequeenisdeadboys · 18/04/2018 20:58

At last dogsmom Yes !! ..someone who isn't justifying extreme fucking rudeness !

hazell42 · 18/04/2018 20:59

Could you not just have said, sorry I can't make it.
My daughter is shy and lacking confidence and she does this. I hope no one is as rude to her as you were.
Especially as the woman liked you and was trying to be nice and offer to go.for a coffee
I don't often say this but i think you were a bit of a bitch

summerinthecountry · 18/04/2018 20:59

I think you may have crushed her op. There is no ‘polite’ way of telling someone what you did.

She could be very very nervous and rattling away, or unnerved by her environment or depressed and therefore unused to company.

You could have quietly avoided her, you could have made a joke of if something along the lines ‘you like to talk’ but no, you choose to crush her.
I wouldn’t bother attempting to make amends or inviting her anywhere I suspect she is can not stand you or your poor manners.

RoseWhiteTips · 18/04/2018 21:00

People who dominate conversations because others are too polite to do anything but sit there, deserve to be told by anyone. It is for the greater good.
Perhaps some Mumsnet users are guilty of this too...?

Thequeenisdeadboys · 18/04/2018 21:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 18/04/2018 21:01

Fucking hell OP you’re my hero! I feel like putting up a shrine to you.

I’ve had a few people in my life I’ve wanted to say this to but never had the guts.

RoseWhiteTips · 18/04/2018 21:01

I love how most posters are attacking the wrong person - and imagining they know the woman’s situation. Ridiculous.

summerinthecountry · 18/04/2018 21:01

She can not stand

Thequeenisdeadboys · 18/04/2018 21:02

hazell42 Well said !

Thequeenisdeadboys · 18/04/2018 21:03

Fucking hell OP you’re my hero! I feel like putting up a shrine to you. What utter bollocks !

Pinkvoid · 18/04/2018 21:03

My DP is a bit like this but he genuinely doesn’t mean to be. He is socially awkward and I would describe him as emotionally clumsy. He is bad at reading social cues and when he’s nervous or anxious in particular he will just talk and talk. Oh and when he’s drunk too, he doesn’t know how to keep his trap shut. He went to get a tattoo done last year by my tattooist and when I was next in my tattooist said “blimey your boyfriend talks a lot doesn’t he!”. He isn’t the best at knowing when to be quiet... some people just aren’t.

I don’t blame you though but her reaction was quite sad and almost made me feel sorry for her.

RoseWhiteTips · 18/04/2018 21:03

iamyourequal

Good on you OP. I wish I was as brave as you. I used to have a friend liked that. Talked talked talked non-stop. No matter what the topic I knew she would butt in with her own never-ending anecdote from her own life. And never care to ask anyone else’s. Hopefully your friend will have reflected on how she is in company and will have learned something today.

We can only hope.

Monkeypuzzle32 · 18/04/2018 21:04

my MiL does this, i cant get a word in so I've ended up not really saying much and our conversations are all superficial because they arent equal.

NellythePink · 18/04/2018 21:05

That kind of behaviour annoys me as much as the next person, but to be honest I think you owe her an apology. As PPs having pointed out, she might be anxious in social situations and keen to make a good impression/seem interesting.

That being said, if she takes what you said on board then she may benefit from it as constructive criticism. Quite a bitter pill to swallow, though.

monkeychickenpig · 18/04/2018 21:05

She will be devastated and embarrassed
It takes a lot of courage to baby groups and you made her feel uncomfortable.
It was so mean of you to talk to her like that.
You need to take a look at yourself and understand what on earth made you think that words should come out of your mouth like that.
She is probably talking a lot because she is excited. She might be very lonely.
Do you have her number? You owe her an apology.
If you don't have it, get it tonight and text her to say sorry.
She will be crushed. She might not even want to tell her husband what happened she may be embarrassed.
I feel really sad reading this.
You were cruel

RoseWhiteTips · 18/04/2018 21:06

I think some of those contributing to the thread may be guilty of this sort of behaviour themselves judging by their rude responses.

RoseWhiteTips · 18/04/2018 21:08

I remove eye contact from people who do this. It is rude but I cannot bear to be talked at in this way.

AnxiousPeg · 18/04/2018 21:08

It is extremely rude to talk endlessly at people. Yes, the OP may have been a bit rude back, but the rudeness originates with ignorant non-stop talking.

AmericanBiscuits · 18/04/2018 21:08

Holy hell, that was bold OP! I definitely think you were unkind but you obviously don't want to be friends with her, so I wouldn't worry about it too much.

I doubt you'll see her again. I wouldn't show my face if someone said that to me.