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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this is taking the piss?! Child maintenance related..

144 replies

coffeecoffeemorecoffee · 31/03/2018 16:40

This was the first month since we split that he was meant to pay child maintenance. We split in July last year and every month since there has been an excuse such as Xmas is coming can we start it in jan? Then January rolls around and he remembers a time he paid for us all to leave an event early that cost £100's to get home, I would have stayed, it was him that couldn't cope with the kids but he said rather than pay him back i could just miss 2 months maintenance. Fast forward to today and he's said he can't bloody afford it and will pay double next time! I'm bloody angry, he works full time and lives with his mum paying minimal board!! I'm a single parent to two children, I go to work and then spend all my extra money on things the kids need! He has no bloody idea!! I'm trying to reply asking if he's taking the absolute piss but I need to say something don't I?! Angry

OP posts:
Calvinlookingforhobbs · 31/03/2018 16:43

CMS.

coffeecoffeemorecoffee · 31/03/2018 16:43

I should also add he sees them for a total of ten hours a week!! And I drop off AND pick up AND drive round for the best part of an hour to get he youngest to sleep before she gets there because he is unable to!!

OP posts:
MrsMaxwell · 31/03/2018 16:46

I hate the bloody CMS and CMA.

Oh drives a long way to see his kids to home and gets “get you home pay” this money is taken into account by their calculations and cost of petrol is only taken into consideration when the kids are in the car Hmm

Helpmeplan · 31/03/2018 16:46

CMS and stop running around after the fool

blaaake · 31/03/2018 16:47

Go through the CMS

ShapelyBingoWing · 31/03/2018 16:47

Get it sorted through CMS. My ex got 1 chance. He paid me on that occasion but far below the amount we agreed so I put the claim in rather than set the precedent that it was optional.

notapizzaeater · 31/03/2018 16:56

Agree, he's only going to come up with reasons each month, let them sort it.

coffeecoffeemorecoffee · 31/03/2018 17:06

Thing is if I didn't take her and pick her up he would hardly ever see her! He was having her for longer periods but would text me being arsey because he was struggling to get her to nap. What should I say back? I haven't replied yet because I don't want to do it when I'm angry

OP posts:
GrooovyLass · 31/03/2018 17:08

CMS definitely. Knob.

Ellie56 · 31/03/2018 17:08

He seems to think child maintenance is an option. It's not. Tell him his kids need the money for food clothes shoes etc. And get in touch with CMS.

GrooovyLass · 31/03/2018 17:09

He's the knob not you!

Whatififall · 31/03/2018 17:10

CMS.

I’ve had my share of problems with them but it’s the only way if he’s not going to pay maintenance at all.

category12 · 31/03/2018 17:13

CMS - he's mucked you about for months.

Xenophile · 31/03/2018 17:13

CMS

And stop doing anything to get him to see them if he can't be arsed to come and get them. You are not his servant, they are his children, if he wants to see them, he will get it sorted.

Remind him that children are not NowTV, they aren't pay per view, so he pays, and he sorts out his own access arrangements.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 31/03/2018 17:20

CMS - I don't know if you can get maintenance payments backdated, but you may be lucky.

You can certainly get them sorted for the future - and don't let him get away with being a minute late if he has this sort of attitude. He will play on it.

It would be one thing if he was an attentive father and paid up diligently, and had a bad month with (say) unexpected expenses - but he isn't. He's a self-centred twat.
The children are as much his responsibility as yours - he doesn't have the option of paying or not paying as he feels like it.

teenagerparent · 31/03/2018 17:23

The CMS aren't perfect but in a case like this I don't think you have any other choice. If you get on well with his Mum who I see you say he lives with try having a word with her saying he's leaving you no option but involve the CMS. Once they have worked out the amount he should be paying you, you can either chose him to pay you direct ( if you trust him ) or get them to collect it. If they collect you pay 4% in fees and he has to pay them an extra 20% so maybe this would give him the incentive to pay you.

bastardkitty · 31/03/2018 17:24

They will only backdate to the day you make the claim, so crack on. If they ask if you want a family based arrangement, you need to say no as he has already failed to pay on that basis. He sounds quite the piss-taker.

coffeecoffeemorecoffee · 31/03/2018 17:26

So do I give him the chance To do as he has said he will or just go to cms?

OP posts:
PinkHeart5914 · 31/03/2018 17:29

If he can’t act like an adult and pay for the child he fathered then you have to go to the Child maintenance people whatever they are Called now.

All the time you let him get away with not paying, he will continue to not pay. He hasn’t paid you a penny since last July, you can’t honestly think he will just start paying up now without being forced too

BirthdayKake · 31/03/2018 17:29

You've given him enough chances

Are you scared of him?

Pidlan · 31/03/2018 17:29

Reply saying, 'Going to the CMS now.' He may then pay up, but tbh you need them anyway with a wanker like this.

GnotherGnu · 31/03/2018 17:30

No, you've given him enough chances. Go to CMS.

bastardkitty · 31/03/2018 17:30

Just call CMS as soon as they're open. It's April tomorrow. He has no intention of paying.

Steeley113 · 31/03/2018 17:31

I’d just reply I can’t afford to keep paying everything for your children on my own so I’m going to contact CMS.

pallisers · 31/03/2018 17:31

go to CMS - you already gave him loads of chances. Also stop running around after him.

He is a tosser and my guess is he will never stop talking about you fleecing him and contact with the kids will dwindle at which point he will tell everyone you stopped him seeing them. These things will happen anyway so go to CMS.

How does he think his children are getting their food these days?

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