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Original poster

To think this is taking the piss?! Child maintenance related..

144 replies

coffeecoffeemorecoffee · 31/03/2018 16:40

This was the first month since we split that he was meant to pay child maintenance. We split in July last year and every month since there has been an excuse such as Xmas is coming can we start it in jan? Then January rolls around and he remembers a time he paid for us all to leave an event early that cost £100's to get home, I would have stayed, it was him that couldn't cope with the kids but he said rather than pay him back i could just miss 2 months maintenance. Fast forward to today and he's said he can't bloody afford it and will pay double next time! I'm bloody angry, he works full time and lives with his mum paying minimal board!! I'm a single parent to two children, I go to work and then spend all my extra money on things the kids need! He has no bloody idea!! I'm trying to reply asking if he's taking the absolute piss but I need to say something don't I?! Angry

OP posts:
Bluelady · 31/03/2018 17:32

Just do it. Men who won't support their children make my blood boil. My ex was really short of money and never missed a payment.

Glumglowworm · 31/03/2018 17:34

You’ve given him plenty of chances. Go through CMS. They’re far from perfect but the current arrangement is getting you nowhere so what do you have to lose?

TittyGolightly · 31/03/2018 17:34

He was having her for longer periods but would text me being arsey because he was struggling to get her to nap. What should I say back?

That he needs to stop being so bloody pathetic and sort himself out?

category12 · 31/03/2018 17:35

How many chances to prove he's feckless and irresponsible does he need? He used Christmas as an excuse not to pay child support, fgs.

Mix56 · 31/03/2018 17:36

Even if you tell him to pay or you will get the money lifted from his pay check by CMS, he will still mess you about.
I would say I have contacted CMS re money, They are your responsibility as well
I would also hand over the kids at the given time, if the baby is awake he can drive around himself, to take her for a walk in the buggy, or just learn to parent
Not your problem.
Do not go to pick up early, you could be at work, or shopping, or any other place, you do not just drop everything. He has his mother at hand FGS

restingbemusedface · 31/03/2018 17:36

Wtf?? Xmas is coming?? What does he think you’re doing with your money when Xmas is coming? Prick.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 31/03/2018 17:38

Maybe reply and say “child maintenance is not optional. I can’t defer my expenses until next month. I’ll call CMS on Tuesday to get this sorted. It’ll cost you more but I can’t control that”.

If he did a transfer before Tuesday I’d consider not going to CMS. Only possible exception is if he’s offering a lot more than CMS and/or he’s self employed/capable of hiding his income.

lalalalyra · 31/03/2018 17:38

Another one saying CMS. He needs to realise that paying for food, electricity and clothing for his children is not optional.

You split up in July. He's not payed toward his children for 8 MONTHS. And if maintenance funded Christmas then basically you bought his presents for the kids...

He needs to learn to settle your DD himself. If he doesn't make any effort with them without you doing it all then he's going to fade at some point anyway - and I bet he'll blame you. Unless you want this - you don't all the running all the time - to be the way it is forever you need to stop it now.

Jon66 · 31/03/2018 17:41

Don't even tell him. Just do it.

BlessYourCottonSocks · 31/03/2018 17:41

I would be texting, 'You have not yet paid any maintenance since we split last July. Do you think the children do not need to eat this month? I cannot afford it either this month. What shall we do?'

And I'd still be going to the CMS. He's a chancer.

DullAndOld · 31/03/2018 17:41

just go to CMS (she echoed)...
honestly men like this really piss me off. Pathetic.
Is he on cocaine or is he a gambling addict?

bonnyshide · 31/03/2018 17:43

Don't respond to text.

Straight to CMS, don't run around after him, you can't make a relationship with his DC happen by being a push over and doing all the work. He has to want it and he has to make it happen himself, otherwise their relationship will deteriorate anyway eventually (and break your DC heart anyway)

Let him put the effort in or don't bother.

But get CMS involved for your DC sake.

Plantlover · 31/03/2018 17:44

  1. Tell him he has to learn how to parent his children when they are with him. He works out how the child naps. Ignore his texts after telling him this.

  2. Go straight to cms. They won't backdate. Text him and then ignore his tantrum about it.

Inertia · 31/03/2018 17:45

Agree with PPs - he keeps doing it because he keeps gettting away with it. CMS (with no prior warning- don't give him any opportunity to hide his earnings).

FrangipaniBlue · 31/03/2018 17:47

I wouldn't even reply, if you tell him you're going to CMS it'll give him chance to get his ducks in a row and even try and hide stuff.

I'd be ringing them first things Tuesday and just let them deal with him.

TheNaze73 · 31/03/2018 17:50

Don’t reply & go to the CMS. His behaviour to date has been disgraceful & he should be embarrassed. Utterly shameful & good luck Flowers

Original poster
coffeecoffeemorecoffee · 31/03/2018 17:51

I'm not scared of him, I just know there will be a foul response which will make me feel shitty!

OP posts:
bastardkitty · 31/03/2018 17:52

I wouldn't keep providing a child collection and delivery service either, unless he has a mobility problem.

ivykaty44 · 31/03/2018 17:54

He’s not going to pay unless forced to
He’ll whinge and cry about how unfair it is

Just put in the claim today and let them sort it

Your dc deserve better

bastardkitty · 31/03/2018 17:54

You need to learn to tolerate his behaviour. You have nothing to feel shitty about. He, on the other hand, has plenty to feel shitty about. Has he always played the victim when he's in fact the aggressor?

Original poster
coffeecoffeemorecoffee · 31/03/2018 17:56

He has no mobility problems, he just doesn't drive.

@bastardkitty it's exactly that!!!!

OP posts:
bonnyshide · 31/03/2018 17:58

Each month you wait to try to give him another chance is a months maintenance lost. CMS won't backdate. Get your claim in ASAP.

DullAndOld · 31/03/2018 18:01

he doesn't drive, he lives with his mother, he can't take care of his children and he doesn't pay for his children....
Well at least you kicked him out.

Springtrolls · 31/03/2018 18:01

Cms tell him nothing. He has been messing about since July. 8 months of excuses.

Stop letting him control you beciase this is what he is still doing.
He wants to see the dc’s he needs to work out how this is going to happen.
He cannot get one to sleep, like any other parent he will have to work this out for himself. I know that will be hard for you, but let’s face it when you have problems it’s not like here’s there.
If he cannot be arsed seeing them, he will have to explain to them when they go looking, that he couldn’t be bothered with them. Because to be honest it sounds like this will happen and do you really want to continue running around after him indefinitely? No, of course you don’t.

I haven’t done it, but I have seen others recommend the freedom program. Please look into it as it might help you

Handsfull13 · 31/03/2018 18:03

Tell him you need the money so will be going through CMS. He has pissed around for months don't give him anymore time. He will not change.
I would consider getting a contact order in place. He might try and use contact to pay less so keep track of everything he says about having them.

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