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Original poster

To think this is taking the piss?! Child maintenance related..

144 replies

coffeecoffeemorecoffee · 31/03/2018 16:40

This was the first month since we split that he was meant to pay child maintenance. We split in July last year and every month since there has been an excuse such as Xmas is coming can we start it in jan? Then January rolls around and he remembers a time he paid for us all to leave an event early that cost £100's to get home, I would have stayed, it was him that couldn't cope with the kids but he said rather than pay him back i could just miss 2 months maintenance. Fast forward to today and he's said he can't bloody afford it and will pay double next time! I'm bloody angry, he works full time and lives with his mum paying minimal board!! I'm a single parent to two children, I go to work and then spend all my extra money on things the kids need! He has no bloody idea!! I'm trying to reply asking if he's taking the absolute piss but I need to say something don't I?! Angry

OP posts:
RandomMess · 01/04/2018 14:41

Just crack on with applying via CMS and stopping the lifts - he seems to think £ are optional, well so is you doing the taxi run especially at your complete expense!

Tistheseason17 · 01/04/2018 14:42

He is a twt
Just report to CMS - do not notify him or he will have chance to "fiddle" stuff.
Ignore his, "I've got to live, too" comments. He is a selfish dck. His living prob includes satellite TV, new mobile phone,. nights out with his mates, beer and taxis. Manchild.

Just focus on your children yourself - and yes, tell his family.

lalalalyra · 01/04/2018 14:43

He hasn't provided a penny for his children in 8 months, if he feels like a shit Dad then there's a reason for that...

Don't feel sorry for him. Go through CMS then you two don't need to talk about money again because it's all being handled by CMS.

OpalIridescence · 01/04/2018 14:49

My sympathies, it is quite a shock when you realise you are the actual parent and the other person sees it all as completely optional.

It isn't fair or right but I am finding that if I offload anything that isn't my responsibility (chasing maintenance, doing drop offs) and accept my new reality by focusing totally on the three of us it feels much more positive.

They are exes for a reason, stands to reason a shit husband will probably make a shit disney dad ex.
Flowers

TacoFlavouredKisses · 01/04/2018 15:04

You've made him feel like a shit dad? Good. Because that's what he is. Paying for his kids should be top priority in his "budgeting".

Don't waste any more time and get on to the CMS ASAP.

bastardkitty · 01/04/2018 15:08

What a piss-taking shit dad!

Springtrolls · 01/04/2018 15:10

He’s feeling shit because he is a shit dad and he’s trying to make you feel bad for highlighting it.
It’s his issue not yours. He could have felt differently if he had supported them financially instead of finding various excuses.
It’s hard to stand up to a control freak, but
You aren’t alone. You took a big
Step to tell him no it’s not okay. Follow through and contact cma.

Tistheseason17 · 01/04/2018 15:15

I like what @Springtrolls says.

In fact next time he says, "you make me feel like a shit dad"

Respond with, " I can't make you feel anything. You are a shit dad and that is why YOU feel that way. When YOU choose to not be a shit dad, YOU will feel differently - it's on YOU, not me"

Gloryificus · 01/04/2018 15:27

He's a shit dad because he IS a shit dad
He doesn't provide his dc with any of their basic needs =shit dad
He won't even pick up or drop off his own dc
And if you didn't do it he wouldn't see them =shit dad

He can't even get his dc down for a to nap
He doesn't have them overnight so I'm guessing this means he supplies nothing in his own home
He works full-time and has the luxury of not having to pay even those obscene nursery fees

How does he even call himself a dad??

He's a very expensive play date is all as he's costing you money

CuriousaboutSamphire · 01/04/2018 15:30

You REALLY REALLY ABU!

When he said "I knew it would be about the money" you were BVVU not to correct him

It's about the LACK of money, you deadbeat dad!

Original poster
coffeecoffeemorecoffee · 01/04/2018 15:34

It's funny that it was mentioned that he probably doesn't provide anything at his house. He had the cheek to get arsey with me recently because I had forgotten a change of clothes! Provide them yourself then!!!!! Angers me...

Can't wait to pick them up, will be a right laugh... not. Urgh! Why are they able to do this? I'm trying to have a word with myself and remind myself it's really not a problem if he's fallen out with me. Bloody ridiculous!! Definitely going to go through CMS, now just to tell him I'm not doing lifts anymore..

OP posts:
category12 · 01/04/2018 16:18

Good luck OP - and it really isn't a problem that he's pissed off with you - he's just angry you're standing up to him for once. He's the one in the wrong.

Mix56 · 01/04/2018 16:59

When you say he will get papers from CMS, he will try & negotiate, say you are X£ in arrears, if you settle up we can take it from there.
Then call CMS anyway

OliviaBenson · 01/04/2018 17:31

Why are you picking them up? He should drop them back. I know it's hard op but you need to get a backboan.

If he starts on about you making him feel bad, tell him yes he's a bad dad got not supporting his children.

You need to toughen up. He's taking the piss and he knows it.

BlessYourCottonSocks · 01/04/2018 19:40

When you collect them you need to tell him this is the last time you are doing this - that if he wants to see them he needs to come and collect them; with his mother driving him if necessary - if not, then he could pay for a taxi. Why are you doing it for free?

I would also point out to him, as others have said, that failing to pay anything towards the upkeep of your children is the absolute definition of a 'shit dad'. Tell him that you are sure his mother will not be insisting on board and lodge at the expense of his children's food. Ask him what he IS actually prioritising over his children - bearing in mind that your money is spent first on housing/clothing/feeding them before you take anything out for yourself.

category12 · 01/04/2018 19:41

She's better picking them up than getting messed around, which is what will happen if she doesn't - he'll say he can't, or won't, it'll be a whole rigmarole and she'll be the one worrying & wanting them back & ending up backing down to go and get them. No, she starts from next access time - he picks them up - if he can't be arsed, is late or pisses about, at least they're at home with her.

Hairgician · 01/04/2018 19:52

Used to work in cms.

From what I remember, all paying parents have to be given the first opportunity to pay direct. You will have to provide bank details to enable him to do so. If/when he misses that payment then they move to collect and pay.
This will cost him more as he will have to pay a further 20% on top of the payment to cms, then cms deducts 4% before paying to you.
In his best interests to pay up. I doubt he will. These types always find excuses not to pay. Did my fucking head in listening to their pathetic whinging.
Dont tell him anything and make your application asap .

Therealjudgejudy · 01/04/2018 20:01

Bloody hell woman. You are a complete doormat.

Booboobooboo84 · 01/04/2018 20:53

The only person making him feel like a shit dad is himself when he looks in the mirror. So don’t feel bad if your the one holding the mirror up to him. You don’t owe him anything. He owes you nothing. He does owe his kids money. He owes them food, clothes, shoes and a decent upbringing.

WineAndTiramisu · 01/04/2018 21:07

He is taking the piss. Refuse to do anymore drop offs and contact CMS as soon as they re open after Easter.

What is he spending his money on? Just think about what the last 8 months maintenance could have bought your DC...

GnotherGnu · 02/04/2018 00:48

I've made him feel like a shit dad and that he can't give me money he doesn't have! I didn't demand any money, if he's got no money he's got no money

Point out that you don't have the option of telling his children that you don't have money for their food or clothing so they'll have to starve and go naked. If you can arrange your finances so as to prioritise the children along with all the work of looking after them most of the time, he certainly can.

Thebluedog · 02/04/2018 09:21

if he’s got no money, he’s got no money my ex used to say that to me and then I’d find out he’s off to Spain with his gf and rented a 5 bed house! No wonder he had no money, he spent it it all on himself! The longer you put it off the harder it will be, he’s banking on you not wanting to rock the boat. He’ll continue to spend what he should be paying you as long as you let him. He’s a grown man and doesn’t need ‘help’ in the form of money or lifts.

Mix56 · 02/04/2018 09:39

he has a job ? if so if he has no money he is spending it ON HIMSELF.
If he has savings he should give you back payment. for starters (he won't) but I would try negotiating he pay back payment with the threat of CMS.... if it all fails, CMS tomorrow

Ellie56 · 03/04/2018 06:55

You've made him feel like a shit dad? I would have told him he is a shit dad not providing for his children. Why are you putting up with this crap? Your kids deserve better. Get on to CMS. right away and stop being a mug. And stop being a taxi service too.

43percentburnt · 03/04/2018 07:04

Bet he pays very little board at his mothers because ‘my ex bleeds me dry’.

He is choosing not to pay because he is a moneygrabber - he is choosing to prioritise spending his wages on himself rather than paying for his children.

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