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Original poster

To think this is taking the piss?! Child maintenance related..

144 replies

coffeecoffeemorecoffee · 31/03/2018 16:40

This was the first month since we split that he was meant to pay child maintenance. We split in July last year and every month since there has been an excuse such as Xmas is coming can we start it in jan? Then January rolls around and he remembers a time he paid for us all to leave an event early that cost £100's to get home, I would have stayed, it was him that couldn't cope with the kids but he said rather than pay him back i could just miss 2 months maintenance. Fast forward to today and he's said he can't bloody afford it and will pay double next time! I'm bloody angry, he works full time and lives with his mum paying minimal board!! I'm a single parent to two children, I go to work and then spend all my extra money on things the kids need! He has no bloody idea!! I'm trying to reply asking if he's taking the absolute piss but I need to say something don't I?! Angry

OP posts:
constantflux · 31/03/2018 18:03

Yes you'll probably get a shitty response, but this isn't about you, this is your kids money. You have to fight their corner and ensure he supports them, regardless of his likely reaction.

lalalalyra · 31/03/2018 18:04

You have nothing to feel shitty about. You are not asking him to climb Everest, or cure cancer, or do anything other than contribute to his children.

Can you imagine if you decided that you didn't have enough money to contribute to the children this month? Tell them you'll feed them double next month? It would never happen because you have stepped up for them.

He's abdicating his responsibilities to you and will continue to do so until you put your foot down. And you need to do it because your children are too young to do it - you are doing it for them.

Work out roughly how much he should be paying you each month and multiply it by 8. Whenever you feel a bit bad or a bit reluctant think about the things your children could have benefitted from from that money because it won't be insubstantial after all this time.

Springnowplease · 31/03/2018 18:05

Tell him you're fed up with his attitude and will go to CMS.

Mary1935 · 31/03/2018 18:05

Yes CMS he's taking the piss!!! Don't tell him as he will tell you he will pay you and may do for a month or two but he will cock you up again. Have you looked at your entitlement to tax credits or child tax credit?
They are so bloody hard faced.

Veterinari · 31/03/2018 18:05

Stop enabling his uselessness.
Cos for maintenance and let him sort his own pick up and drop offs - you’re not his mother!

bastardkitty · 31/03/2018 18:09

You'll feel so much better when you find your balls and stop letting him call the shots. He's probably going to end up dropping the kids and blaming you anyway. Congrats on getting rid of him.

facedontfit · 31/03/2018 18:13

He will never pay. He's got away with it since July, He's not going to start now. Soon it will be the "Christmas" excuse again.

Springtrolls · 31/03/2018 18:19

If he doesn’t drive he can use cabs if needed.

He will have a tantrum because this is how he controls you. He says something, you disagree, he has a tantrum, you agree.

Break the cycle. It will be hard, he will tantrum because it’s what he does. But the beautiful thing is, it’s not your problem. He calls you and starts tantruming? Put the phone down on him.

If it comes to it, get a payg sim give him that number and tell him to call that about contact. It will be active on contact days.

Original poster
coffeecoffeemorecoffee · 31/03/2018 18:30

What's annoyed me is that there was no reason given no apology, nothing. Just quite simply "I can't afford it this month" must thing I'm a right idiot!

OP posts:
Original poster
coffeecoffeemorecoffee · 31/03/2018 18:31

Think*

Some good ideas here, I think I'm just going to not reply, he's meant to have her tomorrow so I will take her but then will tell him he needs to bring her back and that that is the last lift I do.

OP posts:
bastardkitty · 31/03/2018 18:33

Good for you! I agree - no point mentioning CMS either. It will be good for him just to get a letter from them.

Springiscoming123 · 31/03/2018 18:33

stop being a blardy doormat for him

i hope he is not self employed for your sake

mine has not paid for a few months and is self employed its likes snakes and ladders the CMS are trying to get him to pay though

put in a claim his history on this should tell you what the future regarding paying will be

you really have no choice and have been more than fare and he knows that he can get away with this,please contact CMS

BirthdayKake · 31/03/2018 18:34

I would collect her, and then tell him no more lifts. Just in case he's a twat and refuses to bring her back or something!

bastardkitty · 31/03/2018 18:39

^ you will be in a stronger position if you do it this way

Original poster
coffeecoffeemorecoffee · 31/03/2018 18:48

When I drop off tomorrow he will ask me if I got his message, is that alright etc etc by him doing this it's going to create a bad atmosphere, shame really as we had been getting along well before this

OP posts:
bastardkitty · 31/03/2018 18:51

You were getting along while he was getting everything his way and playing you like a fiddle...

Thebluedog · 31/03/2018 18:54

You’re enabling him. He d Wa it because he can. Of course he’ll be foul when you tell him, the only way he won’t be foul will be when you agree with him. He’s counting on you being afraid of confrontation so he can keep putting off paying you.

I’d do what you suggest re the lifts, drop your dc off and tell him it’s the last lift. If he asks if you got his text then say ‘yes I did’ and leave it at that. If he pushes it then say ‘no it’s not ok’ don’t bother mentioning can but contact them ASAP and let them deal with it. Not point giving him another chance, he’s had since Jan to sort it out

category12 · 31/03/2018 19:00

I'd pick her up again, no way would I tell him that's the last lift while leaving her with him - puts you in a really weak spot. Normal access tomorrow, normal pickup and then "btw, you'll have to make arrangements for the next visit, I'm not doing this again".

Jenny17 · 31/03/2018 19:02

When he asks if it’s alright not to pay, say no. It’s not alright. Your children need looking after by both parents.

mummmy2017 · 31/03/2018 19:04

I would tell his mum. That her man child is leaving his own children with nothing just so he can pub it...
Bet he is telling her he pays you so can't pay her

Springiscoming123 · 31/03/2018 19:05

probably not a great idea but when similar happened to me before involved CMS i just said "fine we will let somebody else sought it out"and i did,he tried saying i wouldnt get anymore (i did) and tried to get me to drop the claim

there are 3 words a man dreads,not I LOVE YOU but CHILD MAINTANANCE SERVICEGrinGrin

Original poster
coffeecoffeemorecoffee · 31/03/2018 19:18

Telling his mum will do nothing, the whole family aren't right in the head! And all think along the same lines as him! But actually, I can probably guarantee he definitely wouldn't have told them he's not paying maintenance, would ruin the image he's made where I'm the devil woman and he's the doting man.

OP posts:
MidniteScribbler · 31/03/2018 20:42

Just quite simply "I can't afford it this month"

Do you think that excuse would work for you too?

"I can't feed the children this week. I can't afford it."
"I'm not paying the rent this week. I can't afford it."
"I'm not sending the children to school this week. I can't afford it."

No?

Then he doesn't get to use it as an excuse either.

Ginpasta · 31/03/2018 20:54

Absolutely go through CMS. He's taking the piss & has been for months, he'll just keep doing it as long as he can get away with it. Take back some control xxxxx

Original poster
coffeecoffeemorecoffee · 31/03/2018 21:34

Why do some men see it as a favour?! He can't seem to make the connection between money and the children being fit and well! I clothe them, provide them with food, provide them with a warm comfortable home, pay for their activities, the petrol in my car to take them to nursery, fees for nursery which are obscene!!!! I don't begrudge any of it but It makes me angry that he doesn't care! What if I was skint? Not a penny, no food, then what? It's completely irresponsible that he has no money!!!!

One of us had to provide and that was me.

OP posts:
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