Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex won't pay the school fee's but .....

135 replies

donners312 · 12/03/2018 20:43

will buy her a present because he is so proud about how well she is doing at school.

And she's delighted!! I feel like saying I could buy you 30 presents a month like that if I didn't pay the sodding school fee's!!

Lets say he spends £50 , he has not paid any maintenance for 3 years (just started last month due to DOE).

Lives in a £.2,5 million house, and has been on countless 5* holidays.

Just makes me sick I haven't had a holiday for 4 years and will now never own a home.

Every penny I have pays the fee's plus extra tuition etc - I do not go on holiday or own my own house.

OP posts:
ohreallyohreallyoh · 12/03/2018 20:44

There are court orders for school fees. See a solicitor.

Ragusa · 12/03/2018 20:46

How disgusting of him some people really are scumbags

But whispers state school, free, usually absolutely fine, and spend your own money on a lovely holiday for you and DD :)

Providing she isn't approaching exams of course ...

TeenTimesTwo · 12/03/2018 20:47

No maintenance for 3 years?
Why not give notice and change schools to the state system?

Ragusa · 12/03/2018 20:47

Sorry I was lighthearted there and obviously if you are committed to fees by contract that is a ridiculous option.

Whatshallidonowpeople · 12/03/2018 20:47

Why do you keep putting an apostrophe in fees? It's plural so does not require one.

Original poster
donners312 · 12/03/2018 20:48

She is coming into that stage and she has been so upset by the divorce and behaviour of Ex that i want school to be continuous and stab;e for her.

I am actually also annoyed with her. I wouldn't let her know that and am venting on here instead but her Father is a twat and i don't get how she can't see the obvious she just want s the presents!! God help stupid her!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
donners312 · 12/03/2018 20:49

whats - I can't spell either but guess what I am 46 and I couldn't care less!!

OP posts:
Original poster
donners312 · 12/03/2018 20:50

But thank you for the grammar lesson I am sure it will make a huge difference to my life!

OP posts:
PissedOffNeighbour · 12/03/2018 20:50

Aren’t parents jointly and severally liable?

InfiniteSheldon · 12/03/2018 20:50

You're being a martyr a home is more important than private school

Original poster
donners312 · 12/03/2018 20:52

We were jointly liable but he just told school he wouldn't pay anymore so they just said I had to pay or take her out basically.

TBF school have done everything they can to help me.

OP posts:
hibbledibble · 12/03/2018 20:52

He absolutely should be paying maintenance, school fees however is different. Did you choose to send dd to private school while you were together? Otherwise if you chose private school since you split up, then I can understand him arguing that state school is perfectly adequate.

Original poster
donners312 · 12/03/2018 20:54

No it was him who wanted the DC to go to private school.

My argument is her changing school she has had a rough time in general and I don't want to move her school for stability not because it is private. Of course state school is fine but he was the one with the big salary and anted to pay for private school. He just wanted to make a point once we divorced.

OP posts:
Bluelady · 12/03/2018 20:55

Harsh I know, but paying school fees at the expense of buying a house is lunacy.

LemonSqueezy0 · 12/03/2018 20:55

I think you need to get able to get to a place where you own this decision to send her private, so you get the sacrifices and tough bits, in order to eventually get the thanks and payoff when DD is older and doing well.

If you think this is the hill you want to die on in terms of battling your Ex then be aware that he's clearly such a dick that he's let it progress to the DOE stage and, sorry to say, he probably knows all the tricks of the trade to avoid payment. It won't be easy but Get advice and see what you can do via a variation or legal route. I doubt you'll get anywhere otherwise...

I'm sorry its shit, as you only want what's best for your DD.

Original poster
donners312 · 12/03/2018 21:00

yes thanks lemonsqueezy.

TBH I just totally have nothing to do with him and you are right he really is just such a dick and i don only want whats best for DD so have to look at the long game but just get annoyed when he comes out of the woodwork (or back from a holiday) with a present and she seems so happy with that.

OP posts:
LemonSqueezy0 · 12/03/2018 21:01

How old is she?

sevenstars · 12/03/2018 21:02

How can he get away with this? I know if one couple who divorced and have 3 in private school. She was a SAHM. He has had to pay the school fees by court order. To be fair, they're still his DC and he would have done so without the order. She stayed in the £3.5 million house, not him! I don't understand how your ex has managed to duck out of the fees?

missyB1 · 12/03/2018 21:03

Could you not have fought for this as part of the divorce settlement? DH’s best mate was made to pay the school fees.

Orlandsundry · 12/03/2018 21:04

Reading your posts, do you have other children too OP? Are you paying for their fees too? At the risk of sounding melodramatic, when your DC leave home they will have fabulous lives ahead, full of earning potential in front of them, and you won't. I worry that you are crippling yourself financially. Your Ex probably loves the fact that you are suffering like this too.

Original poster
donners312 · 12/03/2018 21:06

Well because he is a grade A arsehole. He emptied all the bank accounts an held nothing in his name when we got to court so my solicitor said the court won't order him to pay school fees as on paper he has nothing his name. The because he is loaded he doesn't have to work - so no taxable income means not liable for CMS.

I have fought this for 3 years but in the end you realize you either get a job and just support the kids yourself or you top yourself!

would be quite happy to top myself to be honest but will wait till kids are a bit older.

OP posts:
Fishface77 · 12/03/2018 21:06

Take him to court.
Failing that name and shame him on social media etc.
Let his friends and family see what kind of person he really is.

overnightangel · 12/03/2018 21:07

Zero sympathy for anyone who pleads poverty when sending their children to a private school

ColourfulOrangex · 12/03/2018 21:07

@donners312 are you the one who's ex made you drives a ridiculous way to take your teenagers to see him? I might be wrong just sure I remember yours posts and name

I would think about getting some help from him in a written way so he can't change his mind

missiondecision · 12/03/2018 21:08

A Private education is not important, it’s an extra you can pay for if you can afford it.... you can’t by the sounds of it. Give it up, the longer she attends the harder it will be.

Swipe left for the next trending thread