Are you expecting OH to do something for you on Mother's Day

[TheRealCinderella]

So it will be my first Mother's Day as a Mum on Sunday, I've told OH that I'm expecting a card flowers and a cuppa in bed while he gets up with LO, he says I'm not his mother why would he get me a gift! I do 99% of the childcare alone as he works away and I think I've made it clear to him that it's important to me and I'm hoping he will do something.....is this unreasonable? Does your OH do anything for you?

Mine is the same. He's a turd.

Yanbu.
It’s not a lot to ask for. It’s about him recognising your role as the mother of his child and helping the child to celebrate you.

My dh gives me something from our dd who is a toddler so can’t do anything herself yet.

Yes and I’d be gutted if he didn’t.

Don’t do anything for father’s day. Or his birthday for that matter. I’d rather have a bunch of daffs and a card on mother’s day than a birthday present any day.

Not particularly, though he might. But then he's good to me all the time so I don't feel the need for gestures on hallmark holidays.

Yes he should. My friend's exH (she's been divorced for at least 15 years and they have both remarried) thanks her every year for being such a good mum to their DC with a card and gifts!

I said to him he only has to do it until DD has the ability to make me a card, I got him something for fathers day last year, a card and a personalised keyring, and a cute little baby grow for DD saying our first fathers day, I'm not expecting extravagant gifts just a token to show his appreciation as you say, he doesn't have access to much money as he is terrible with it so I'm going to send him out with some money and DD on Saturday to get me something!

Logically, I agree he (my OH) is (was) not your (my) child.

But it was one of the arguments I had as a new mum. I didn't expect much. We had daffs growing in the garden, all I wanted was for him to go and pick them and make a little fuss (fucking father's day was 5 days after our first was born and I fucking managed it!).

He didn't make the same mistake again.

He isn't getting you a gift, he's getting a gift on behalf of your baby. I really don't understand why a loving partner wouldn't put themselves out, especially for your first Mothers' Day. My husband always has done, and does a little something on his own behalf for me even now our children are old enough to sort themselves out, because he loves me and appreciates what I do for our children.

My DH cooks a roast dinner for us all every Sunday anyway, but when the kids were little he'd organise the making of cards/gifts etc.

I wouldn't feel comfortable drawing money out for him and sending him out with instructions to buy me something. That is not a token of him showing his appreciation and does make you sound a bit like his Mum I'm afraid.

He either does it off his own bat because he knows how much it means to you, or there's really no point.

I doubt dh will do anything but it doesn't bother me in the slightest. He's great with birthdays, and he's doing his fair share with the house and kids and he's kind and generous to me (most of the time!) throughout the year. That's important to me. But we don't really "do" any other special days.

But since you've told him that mother's day is important to you, I hope he comes up with something nice to spoil you. Especially since it's your first.

It would be nice if he does something but I don’t expect that. Plus, he has never done anything so I have given up . This year I even booked a nice lunch on mother’s day myself for the whole family to celebrate the day together. They are thrilled

It's my first Mother's Day as a mother, too. I'm having a bet with myself and my current opinion is that his workmates will tell him to get me a card :D

I expect him to help DD1 (5) choose a gift if she wants, and maybe get one on behalf of DD2 (1).

Last year was my first mothers day with my own baby (DD1 is my stepdaughter). DH wrote me a nice card saying I was a great mum, which was nice but I wouldn't expect it every year.

I don't expect him to do breakfast in bed or anything. It would be sweet if the kids chose to do it - maybe when older! - but I sort of agree with your DP that I'm not my husband's mum.

Yes he will. He and DS will organise something (probably flowers or chocolate, because they are men and that is what girls like).

As one is 12 and the other is ancient however, there are issues. The one with the debit card has no idea how the internet works. And the one who could perhaps work out how to buy stuff online will not understand how a debit card works. Rather than embrace the fact that they are both reasonably intelligent and could learn a new skill together they are likely to source the gift - and then bring me a laptop to get me to order it on.

Lacks a little in the surprise dept. (And actually earlier I sent away a crestfallen 12 yo who was intending to buy me a HUGE bar of Dairy Milk with a lovely message about how much he loved me and how sharing was nice. Only I refused to fork out £12 for a bar of chocolate at those rip-off prices).

20something yo DDs and DS will organise and pay for much better gifts. And may phone their father and younger brother to suggest/offer to help at some point...

It's my first Mother's Day as a mother, too. I'm having a bet with myself and my current opinion is that his workmates will tell him to get me a card

I suggest you actually speak to him, otherwise you may end up like literally 100s of MNetters over the years, spamming the boards with tails of anger/upset/bitterness every single Mother's Day.

Not a year has gone by without this happening and I think it's getting worse. Probably since the rise in popularity of Facebook and Instagram.

My husband died when the kids were still babies. But I was very touched to find flowers and a card on my doorstep, on my first Mothers' Day without him - from neighbours and friends, who realised the kids were too small to do it themselves.

That's a terrible attitude for your oh to have. I wouldn't be happy with that at all.

That's such a kind thing to do @Babdoc

I would like to think he will learn from his mistakes last year (first mother’s day) as he was an utter shit and upset me a lot, not through lack of a gift but lake of care, consideration and kindness and through his actions which were unpleasant, but I won’t hold my breath. Hoping to be proved wrong though. As someone said previously, if I told him to get me a gift, or a card, or arrange something to do, he would probably do so but the lack of thought or care would make it pointless to me.

Your OH is a selfish wanker, and is setting your children up with a shitty attitude towards their mother. Quite frankly I wouldn’t stand for it, but these boards never cease to amaze me with stories of deadbeat partners.

Babdoc how lovely. for you.
I cheekily sent my husband amazon links for perfume and makeup I’m out of. Rather they get me something I need & want! I couldn’t have made it easier!

On my first mother's Day, many moons ago, DH, who is the most thoughtful man, didn't even get me a card. He didn't do it again. Even now the kids are older, he never forgets.

Yes DD will provide a chocs & a card. I'll provide chocs & a card for my mum... And I'll also provide chocs & a card for DPs mum to ensure she gets chocs & a card!