Are you expecting OH to do something for you on Mother's Day

[TheRealCinderella]

So it will be my first Mother's Day as a Mum on Sunday, I've told OH that I'm expecting a card flowers and a cuppa in bed while he gets up with LO, he says I'm not his mother why would he get me a gift! I do 99% of the childcare alone as he works away and I think I've made it clear to him that it's important to me and I'm hoping he will do something.....is this unreasonable? Does your OH do anything for you?

OH will do breakfast and give me a small gift. Then I'll go out for the day with my DCs, and he will spend the rest of the day with his mum. I love that he's thoughtful but it he didn't get me anything it wouldn't be an issue. I'm not his mum. & it isn't called wives/girlfriends day. I wouldn't be telling him he has to get me something either.

I don't see the point of women using Mothers Day as a yardstick to judge how much their man cares, or as a metaphorical stick to beat him with concerning whatever they've been stewing over for months, and plan to make him pay for via Mothers Day. It's just games instead of being direct.

Strange how there's quite a lot of scorn about Valentines Day, which is actually geared towards couples but come Mothers Day, which is after all just the same cynical business ploy to get your money as Valentine's Day is, all of a sudden Mother's Day is oh so important.

I guess near the day moaning will start re selfish bastard men who actually want to spend most of the day with their mum. With answers that all but say LTB. The competing with MIL is the same every year.

It’s not Mother Day here until
May (US) but yes DH always takes the kids off for secret shopping and makes a fuss of me.

I do the same in Father’s Day. It’s nice to show a little appreciation.

I got a bunch of flowers on Mother’s Day when I was pregnant too.

Yes. It’s my first mother’s day and I’m hoping for a card, a lie in and a relaxing bath.
To be fair to my husband, he takes the baby to give me a lie in every Sunday - the baby is a terrible sleeper and without those couple of extra weekend hours I’d probably die of sleep deprivation!

Nope I’m not his mother so don’t expect him to do anything. The kids 5 and 7 will give me a home made card and I’m planning on making lunch for my mum and mil. A relationship isn’t based on one day and what they buy you.

Mine won’t but my girls are 10 and 6 and old enough to have been making cards noisily in secret over the last couple of weeks and so I always get showered with a mountain of homemade pictures etc and tea and toast in bed.

I find the ‘I’m not your mother’ a lazy arsed, mean spirited cop out from anyone whose children are too young to do anything themselves. It’s one thing if MD and FD aren’t your thing but if your partner knows that you would like a little fuss then I find it very mean.

Well mine is pissing off to football leaving at 10am. It's our child's birthday party on sunday and would have liked a hand but football comes first.
Had a big row about it but it's a 'game he cannot miss'
Sick of bringing it up now.
When I raised the matter he said oh when I'm back we can go out for dinner if you like....why do I have to make a song and dance about it for him to do something. Why can't he just do it off his own back because he actually wants to take me for dinner on mother's day. Told him to ram it.

My kids are a bit older and are able to make me cards and cups of tea and what not but DH will still take them out to get me a little present and we will probably go out for lunch somewhere, ostensibly my choice but I will choose somewhere we all like.

Although DH is a bit more forgetful toward his own mum and I often end up reminding him or doubling up on what I am getting my mum so he's not perfect. He does however know that Mother's Day is really important to me because we had to wait so long to be parents and also our DC find the day hard because they are adopted, so I think DH does what he can to make the day special for me.

We don't do much, but DH has always helped the children do a little something. For a baby who cannot do anything at all, I'd expect a card and a cheap bunch of flowers and to go out for a walk including a cuppa and cake.

I'll get cards and perhaps chocolates. I've actually offered to do a long day at work as we are short of nurses so I'll be out of the house from 6am- 8pm. This suits me as I lost my mum last year so Mother's Day feels a bit raw and it's easier to deal with if I'm distracted.

Mothering Sunday is a religious festival, on the 4th Sunday in Lent. I hope all those whinging about cards etc will also be going to church?

DH has always bought me a gift and card from himself as well as DS. This year DS is buying his own gift and card for me as he's 17 and has a part time job, but I know DH is giving me money to treat myself as he's housebound at the moment due to illness. He will probably ask DS to buy a card for me from him too.

Due my 1st baby in a month. I had a chat yesterday with dh and told him I didn’t want any mother’s day present and him not to expect anything on Father’s Day (it’ll be his 1st)

I find these days are like Valentine’s Day , completely commercial days. I’d rsther us sharing the duties of our children during the year rather than celebrating a commercial day. I’ve not given presents to my mum for over 30ywsrs neither on this day.

Op what does it bother you most doing 99% childcare alone during 364days or not getting a card and some flowers 1 day ?

Ex-DH left for OW when older DC were 5&6 and would never have thought of taking DC to get something for me. They used to want to get something for me so though money was tight I gave them a little money. We still laugh that they always picked "Milk Tray" and daffodils as that was all they could afford. They used to bring me milk, cornflakes and cold toast for breakfast but I loved it

We don't do anything except a card made by the kids once they were old enough. I would never expect anything from DH.

But it is clearly important to you and you have told DH this is what you would like so it is not much effort for him to do this to make you happy.

I get frustrated by the posts from people who don't say anything beforehand and then complain afterwards

This is one thing me children primary school does well in.

They run a 'special shop' for Mother's day, Father's day and Christmas day we sent in £2 per gift and the children choose a gift. Ok it may only be a keyring or a small bottle nail vanish for example but most parents can afford it.

It was my first mother’s day last year and DH didn’t get anything from our LO. He asked me a few months after when Mother’s day was! I told him I expected a card at least but I was t overly annoyed like I thought I would have been. You need to talk to him though and tell him how you fee

@Ifailed, yes. This year we will be going to church for the first time on Mothering Sunday. We've recently moved and the dc now go to a c of e church. Dd1 has been attending the school faith club and an invitation to church came home this week. I'm looking forward to it. We are a high days and holidays church going family. We explore our faith at home more and the children are allowed to choose their own path.

However, this is not what op asked and whether it is liked or not, Mothering Sunday has evolved more into gift giving than spending time with family.

My opinion is as long as the children are facilitated in showing their appreciation, it doesn't matter who or how this happens. If they are too young, then of course the child's father should assist. Even if it is just a card. It shows that your role as a mother is t just taken for granted.

By your comment, those who grumble about partners buggering off to their own mother s

Dear TheRealCinderella
Ok let’s just be clear, he has told you that he won’t get you anything, my EH brought my three young kids back on Mother’s Day (late) with nothing one year and I was very hurt. I never ignored his bday, Father’s Day or Xmas (he did sometimes), because I wanted to raise my children to know how to behave, that’s what I taught them.
My suggestion is you buy yourself a very nice present, incase he really doesn’t get you anything. You know what you’d like, so get some perfume, or something a bit more generous than the tiny “thank you” that would have sufficed. (Hide it away if he does get you anything & play nice). Make yourself laugh that you get to choose. Give it to your little one to give to you, pop it in the car seat if their tiny and enjoy it. Do it every year and get your child excited about buying you a present as they grow, they will love to do that with you. They’ll make the cards at school/preschool in the future. You will need to check their drawer/bag if you want it. xxxxxxx

maryberry are you in Scotland? My DH is going to football and then no doubt later will be watching the rugby. However, I will be with my own Mum so I’m not overly bothered. But I fully expect to have some goodwill in the bank for this!!

I am genuinely at A DH/DP trotting our s "Your not my mum" line hence no fuss. He would be doing it on behalf of the DC- birdbrains!

My boyfriend of 6 months is plotting something with my 7 year old DD, which is nice as he doesn’t have to do anything really! I also know DD has been shopping for something with her dad’s new gf, so sounds like I’m getting spoilt this year. Even ExH could manage a card and a steak dinner, and I would do the same on Father’s Day.

My boyfriend is organising something for his kids’ Mum too, even though she’s been a total witch It’s for the kids though really isn’t it

DH is off to Dublin for the Six Nations this weekend, whilst I move back into our house after building work with three year old DD & I am six months pregnant so no Mothers Day for me! In fairness, the tickets were booked ages ago (long before our building dates were finalised) but really not ideal. Not much contrition either. Next husband will be the romantic type.

DH has already got a card and a small gift in. I only know because of the "don't look in this gift bag in the wardrobe!!!" . He'll often cook breakfast and I'll get a lie in if he's not working. I do the same on fathers day. Our DS is at nursery now so will make a card there too.

I'd be upset if we didn't acknowledge these days. It's just a small reminder that everything we do is appreciated. As much as we try to remind each other all the time in other ways, it doesn't always happen so I think it's nice to have one day.

I hope your OH will at least get you a card. You've told him its important to you and that should be enough. If he doesn't though, remember that on fathers day!

No, you are not his mother. He shouldn’t need telling to appreciate you and be nice to you. You say you did stuff for Father’s Day, did he ask you to, probably not. Mother’s Day is just a money making invention like all the other days. I would not enjoy a gift/task from anyone if I had insisted it happen.

I'll get a card and some flowers or something from the toddler and new baby but the day has been earmarked to spend cheering up MIL, who lost her mum about 18 months ago and is still struggling with it. I'm very upset and hurt about it actually. I lost my mum suddenly in the summer and no one has asked me how I'm feeling or what I'd like to do.