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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to ask DH not to get up before 6am?

153 replies

Millybingbong · 18/01/2018 07:13

DH gets up at 6am on weekdays to get ready for work. He leaves 0650 -700 and is at his desk for 8.

Most days he wakes me and the 2yo and occasionally the 4 and 5yo. Our get up time is 0730 and on weekends and holidays we all sleep to then. 2yo generally whines for an hour calling his father.

When He gets stressed at work he starts setting the alarm earlier and earlier so it all kicks off earlier. He avoids me if I try to discuss it with me.

(For completeness I should say he gets home 5pm two days a week to relive nanny although it is possible for him to work evenings On email etc)

Is it unfair for me to request he doesn't wake the household earlier than our previously agreed early time?

OP posts:

Nottheduchessofcambridge · 18/01/2018 07:16

But he has to get up for work? What do you want him to do?

JennyOnAPlate · 18/01/2018 07:16

What specifically is he doing to wake you all up? I think it would be unreasonable to increase his stress by stopping him going to work when he needs to. I think he needs to be quieter and not wake the children though!

annandale · 18/01/2018 07:17

I'd always say with partners, present the problem not the solution.

The problem sounds like his stress at work making him more stressed at home and him not talking about it. Can you email him, write a letter? Say you're worried and want to go out to discuss it, put a babysitter on standby and get him to name a night to go out. Persevere.

Sirzy · 18/01/2018 07:17

He is getting up to go to work though?

It’s not unreasonable to ask him to be as quiet as possible but it would be unreasonable to ask him not to

IJoinedJustToPostThis · 18/01/2018 07:20

If it's the alarm clock, he could get one of those vibrating alarms that go under his pillow.

Peachypeaches · 18/01/2018 07:21

My DH gets up at 6, and me at 7:30, but I don't hear him at all and never get woken up. He wears a wristband which vibrates to wake him up, and puts his clothes for the next day in the bathroom before he goes to bed. Once he's up he is really quiet and doesn't come back into the bedroom at all. Is your DH making lots of noise?

Eltonjohnssyrup · 18/01/2018 07:22

7:30 is late to get up when you're working.

MsHopey · 18/01/2018 07:22

Unfortunately it's the way it goes sometimes.
My OH is a cleaner and works 6 hours every day of the week. And he has to go in earlier on weekends.
Meaning we all end up waking up at 5am on weekdays and 4am on weekends.
It's hard, but we just change our schedule to work round it. We all go to bed at 8pm now.
We have a 6 month old and the OHs alarm wakes the baby up every morning, without fail.
I'm sure most people, partners including don't want to be getting up super early to go to work, but people have to work.
I'd just work round it. I don't think he's waking you all up on purpose. And I can only assume he goes to work earlier when he's stressed at work to get more done, and that eases his stress.

Original poster

Millybingbong · 18/01/2018 07:22

It is relevant to say he doesn't need to be in work until 9am.He goes earlier because it suits him.

It doesn't suit the rest of us but we have agreed that 6am is a reasonable compromise and he does know it disturb the rest of us

OP posts:

KungFuEric · 18/01/2018 07:23

Yeah I think you need to explain what's happening that wakes the whole household

VivaLeBeaver · 18/01/2018 07:23

You can’t ask him not to get up at 6am when he has to leave at 6:50 to go to work. I get up at 6am and leave the house at 7am. Dh doesn’t get up until 7am. I’m kind of pissed off enough with him still lying there snoozing while I have to get up (which I know is unreasonable), I would be seriously pissed off if he moaned at me. I hate getting up so early, I wish I could lounge around in bed for longer.

olympicsrock · 18/01/2018 07:24

I understand that, DHwakes at a similar time and I have 2 year old and 6 year old. Unfortunately just the noise of being up and the front door closing will wake the dc. I do that that earlier that 6 is too early for the household and he needs to consider you all. Can he creep around or switch the television on for the children when he wakes ?

VivaLeBeaver · 18/01/2018 07:25

So why does the 8am start suit him? Because if it’s a traffic or parking issue I can totally understand. In previous jobs I’ve always chosen to work 8-4 rather 9-5 if I have the option.

shhhfastasleep · 18/01/2018 07:26

Op, my dh gets up at 5.20 for work so he can leave early to beat the traffic and get home about 5.00pm. Why wouldn't I support his choice. Dd insists on getting up to wave him off. I wish she wouldn't but it's no big deal. We chill until time for school. I take her and then start myself when I get back.

Akire · 18/01/2018 07:26

This would bug me, but I’m up and out the door in 20min person. What is he doing for over an hour? If he’s just stomping up and down and banging all doors and cupboards that’s really disrespectfully.

I presume if you are up at 7.30 you manage to get yourself a toddler and two school age children up ready and out the door in the time it takes him to do himself?

olympicsrock · 18/01/2018 07:26

Oh and if he needs to get to work earlier he needs to not faff in the morning, get his things ready the night before and have breakfast on the hop. 30 mins is ample time to get ready.

Brokenbiscuit · 18/01/2018 07:26

I think yabu to stop him getting up for work when he needs to. I'm really stressed at work right now, and got up at 5am this morning to catch up on stuff. (Have stopped now while dd is getting ready for school.)

I feel really overwhelmed by everything that I need to do, and wouldn't appreciate being told that I couldn't get up a bit earlier in order to manage that.

Could he be a bit quieter when he gets up, maybe? Or could all of you go to bed a bit earlier and get up earlier?

Ilovetolurk · 18/01/2018 07:27

Yabu
Just because he officially doesn’t start work till 9 doesn’t mean he starts at 9. Many jobs require extra hours particularly at busy stressful times

He obviously needs to be in earlier

He has a nanny to get home for early two days a week too

ColinFlower · 18/01/2018 07:27

So you agreed 6am but he keeps setting it earlier?
That's not on if he doesn't need to. He should also make an effort to be really quiet.

Apart from that there's not much else he can do is there. He has to get up for work.

Ledkr · 18/01/2018 07:28

To be fair. My dh gets up at 6 too and it does wake us up and he's really quiet. We are just horribly light sleepers in our house!

Bluedoglead · 18/01/2018 07:29

I’m at my best in the morning and if I had extra hours to do I’d go in early not late.

Why does the child wake? Alarm? Because they’re in your bed? Or because your DH is noisy?

LuckyAmy1986 · 18/01/2018 07:31

DH has to get up earlier than us. He wears a Fitbit and sets the alarm on that, since he has been doing that he doesn’t wake any of us up. That’s if it’s the alarm that bothers you. If he is generally noisy getting ready then he needs to try better.

stickytoffeevodka · 18/01/2018 07:31

He's a grown up - isn't it up to him when he gets up for work? If he's waking people up he needs to be quieter, but I don't think you can tell him he's not allowed to leave for work early!

What do you mean you "agreed" that he can't get up before six? Surely that's not your decision?

Idontevencareanymore · 18/01/2018 07:32

Why is he waking you all up? Or how rather.
My husband is up at 4 and out by 4.45. We never hear him, he's very respectful and he's never woken any of us up.

I think I'd be looking at ways he can prepare himself without disturbing the household rather than dictating times.

Original poster

Millybingbong · 18/01/2018 07:32

It's exactly that he has already got an inconvenient early start going on and he is stealth changing it to be even earlier.
I do understand his reasons for wanting t be earlier so we go with it but the pushing it a bit more is wearing.

And yes it takes him and hour to have a poo and a bowl of cereal. He does lay out clothes the night before.

And yes I do get 3 under 5 and myself out to work/school in an hour so I think he could economize on the fading somewhat when it starts to really encroach on our family sleep.

OP posts:

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