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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to ask DH not to get up before 6am?

153 replies

Millybingbong · 18/01/2018 07:13

DH gets up at 6am on weekdays to get ready for work. He leaves 0650 -700 and is at his desk for 8.

Most days he wakes me and the 2yo and occasionally the 4 and 5yo. Our get up time is 0730 and on weekends and holidays we all sleep to then. 2yo generally whines for an hour calling his father.

When He gets stressed at work he starts setting the alarm earlier and earlier so it all kicks off earlier. He avoids me if I try to discuss it with me.

(For completeness I should say he gets home 5pm two days a week to relive nanny although it is possible for him to work evenings On email etc)

Is it unfair for me to request he doesn't wake the household earlier than our previously agreed early time?

OP posts:

BrawneLamia · 18/01/2018 07:33

In our house, if one of us is up for work and the dc wake up then that parent feeds them breakfast etc while the other parent gets a lie in till they leave would that work for you? Even if you are awake you can lie in bed and rest.

SarahMused · 18/01/2018 07:33

Is it the alarm and getting up at 6am or the setting of the alarm earlier and earlier that is annoying you? If it is the latter, he is the unreasonable one, especially if he is waking everyone else up unnecessarily. Why is he doing this? On the surface it sounds selfish, but he may have his reasons. I think you have to force a discussion and get to the bottom of it.

Crumbs1 · 18/01/2018 07:34

I think it’s reasonable to ask him to stick to 6am or to sleep in a spare room and not wake veryone else. I like that my husband is a morning person as he gets up early to run the dog then comes back, showers and brings me tea in bed. I’m able to grunt and tget urn over when he slips out of bed. It doesn’t sound like your husband is being as considerate and needs to quieten down.

Original poster

Millybingbong · 18/01/2018 07:34

If he needs to work more then he works in evenings. I don't think it is good for him to also get up earlier.

Our jobs are of equivalent seniority btw we are both senior managers but have other life goals than work

OP posts:

Leilaniiii · 18/01/2018 07:34

I get up between 4.30-5.00 am because it’s the only chance I get to do some uninterrupted work. I would be livid if DH said I couldn’t do this.

However, I don’t wake the entire house up. Is there a way that he could get up and get ready without waking you all up?

SarahMused · 18/01/2018 07:35

Sorry xpost. He is definitely unreasonable.

Leilaniiii · 18/01/2018 07:35

Maybe he’s a morning person?

stickytoffeevodka · 18/01/2018 07:37

But you still haven't explained why it's an issue. If it's his alarm, he needs to buy a vibrating one for his wrist or one of those ones you keep under your pillow.

But if he's busy at work and needs to leave early in order to get everything done, isn't that kind of up to him? I don't like rushing in the morning so would take an hour or so to get sorted for work.

I know you say he can work from home in the evenings but maybe he works better in the mornings? I find I work a lot better if I just get up and work rather than having that break for a few hours. My motivation would be buggered!

Bluedoglead · 18/01/2018 07:38

It takes me an hour to get ready

FluffyWuffy100 · 18/01/2018 07:40

Can he be quieter?
Why does he wake the children?

Clothes laid out the night before downstairs in the sitting room (or spare room). Alarm goes off. Instantly turn it off. Pad downstairs in the dark. Get dressed in slitting room in the light. Do teeth etc in downstairs cloakroom if you have one. Leave very quietly.

nippey · 18/01/2018 07:40

How does he wake you up? Is it the alarm or is he noisy?

KungFuEric · 18/01/2018 07:40

I still don't understand what is happening that is waking the entire household, could you explain that op

Soubriquet · 18/01/2018 07:41

How and why is he waking all of you up?

My gf starts work at 5 so she usually gets up at 4, and my dh starts work at 6 so he usually gets up at 4 too so he spends a bit of time with Gf before going to work.

They don't wake any of us up.
I get up at 6 in order to have a cup of tea in peace and quiet before getting the kids up at 7.15.

Clutterbugsmum · 18/01/2018 07:41

So he shouldn't get up early for work whether he goes in earlier then usual so he doesn't wake you up, but should work later in the evening so he does see your children.

So yes I do think YABU

Theclockstruck2 · 18/01/2018 07:41

Sympathy OP. Not sure if there’s anything to be done, but my OH often sets alarms for 5am to work...wakes me up, then the kids always seem to wake even though he’s v quiet. I leave him to it now, but I have ripped his head off when I have had a newborn It’s a frustrating thing about having a small house I think, need another wing for them to sleep in

kaitlinktm · 18/01/2018 07:42

But what does he do that actually wakes the family up? Is it his alarm, is he noisy moving around the house - is he noisy in the bathroom? Does he yodel and do press-ups in armour? Presumably you wouldn't have so much of a problem if he didn't wake up the whole house.

Judashascomeintosomemoney · 18/01/2018 07:42

He needs to make less noise then. DH got up at 5.20am this morning and no way I could sleep through his rhino like crashing around, didn’t help that he left his alarm on snooze by mistake! But he very rarely does it so not too bad, I couldn’t put up with it every day. My DF, by contrast, who was a milkman, used to get up at 4am every day. Literally never heard him. He was like a ninja, so it is possible.

happystory · 18/01/2018 07:42

I think YABU and that this is what goes on in households all over the country.

Sirzy · 18/01/2018 07:43

Some people work better in the morning than evening though. If he is stressed then I can fully understand a get up and get it done approach being better.

Some people need longer to wake up than others.

Ask him to be quiet but other than that you can’t dictate his work hours!

FluffyWuffy100 · 18/01/2018 07:43

I would not tolerate my DP putting the light on to get dressed or find clothes at a time significantly before I have to wake up.

For years I got up before DP and I laid my clothes out in the sitting room the night before (1 bed flat).

Original poster

Millybingbong · 18/01/2018 07:44

Sorry sorting kids now.

The earlier he sets his alarm the less likely it is to wake him so it wakes me. I will ask about the alarm on his fit bit.

Ds is a light sleeper and he often wakes him as he goes by his door. He is quite heavy footed and groans as he wakes up :) that sort of thing.

He does try to be considerate but he gets thoughtless about the earlier and earlier.

I take your point about it being his right to get up when he chooses but in fact when you have kids life isn't really like that is it? You look at the totality of the tasks required I the household and come up with an approach to fit I all in.

OP posts:

Bluedoglead · 18/01/2018 07:45

I simply couldn’t work effectively later in the evening. I have to do early hours or it’s a waste of time.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 18/01/2018 07:46

He doesn’t listen to you? That in itself needs sorting out.

He has two options, he doesn’t get up until 6:30 (half an hour is plenty for shit, shave, shower & cereal) OR he gets up when he likes if he can do so without waking the entire fucking house. Inconsiderate twat.

MiniCooperLover · 18/01/2018 07:46

How is he waking the kids just by walking past the door? Is the door open? If he wakes them he deals with them.

Bluedoglead · 18/01/2018 07:46

And no way would I accept a partner TELLING me how long I could have to get ready in the morning.

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