Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL and presents

174 replies

RocknRolla · 25/12/2017 12:12

AIBU have come to MIL for Christmas dinner with DH and DD. DD is not DHs but he has been in her life for 4 years now since she was 1.
When it’s time for presents MIL comes out with 2 massive Santa sacks for BIL and SILs two children, the kids are 5 and 2, for my DD she brings out one present. Half an hour later nieces are still unwrapping there presents, while my DD only got a pair of pyjamas and that was it. DD is really upset now and asking why nana only got her pyjamas and her cousins got toys, clothes and chocolates. Have said to DH but he doesn’t want to say anything and ruin Christmas. So AIBU In wanting him to say something.

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 25/12/2017 12:14

I know your DD isn’t her bio GD but That’s a bit crap on Christmas Day Angry

Xmaspuddingdisaster · 25/12/2017 12:16

WOuld “Nana” be happy if your dd knew/thought of her as “not her real nana”? I think if she doesn’t treat your dd as family then really dd shouldn’t be brought up to see her as such. Surely you have enough distractions available to stop any sadness for her today though.

Pengggwn · 25/12/2017 12:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CisCucumber · 25/12/2017 12:16

She obviously doesn't see your DD as her gd
In that case you shouldn't treat her like a grandparent who needs a visit on Xmas day. Distance yourself and treat her like a distant relative

Merryoldgoat · 25/12/2017 12:17

I probably wouldn't say anything on the day but I certainly would afterwards.

I think that's really mean and I'd be ashamed if my family did that.

froggybiby · 25/12/2017 12:19

I think YANBU she should treat all the grandkids the same even if yours is not your DP's child. Had she really wanted to get them more, she should definitely not do so in front of your DD. That might create resentment between the kids. Your partner should say something. Sorry for your DD.

Iloveanimals · 25/12/2017 12:20

Nothing short of disgraceful

Hippywannabe · 25/12/2017 12:21

Awful!

Supermagicsmile · 25/12/2017 12:23

That's awful. Don't go next year. She sounds vile!

MeriReu · 25/12/2017 12:25

This is awful! My partners mum hasn't even met my son yet (Not his) and he got a giant bag of gifts. More so than from his actual nanas! I'd want to have words tbh

BangBangPipple · 25/12/2017 12:26

Me and my brothers all have stepchildren who my parents have loved since they were very little, but they still buy a bit 'extra' for their grandchildren. But it is done very discreetly, not paraded infront of the others, and in their defence they buy an awful lot of presents for all the children anyway so an extra one or two for the grandchildren don't really don't get noticed.

If my DM had done to my DSS what your MIL has done, I would be livid.

Mxyzptlk · 25/12/2017 12:28

Your DH should speak to his mum afterwards and remind her before Xmas next year.
Try to make sure your DD enjoys the rest of the visit.

IHATEPeppaPig · 25/12/2017 12:29

That's awful - just try and distract your daughter and don't go next year!!!!

IdaDown · 25/12/2017 12:29

She has the ‘right’ not to buy for your DD.

You have the ‘right’ not to go to MiL for Christmas Day - to avoid your DD feeling hurt.

What is your MiL like with DD during the year?

What would happen if you have DC with your DH? Would your MiL treat your DCs differently?

How does your DH feel about this?

Bobbinsandthread · 25/12/2017 12:32

100% don't go again. If she needs an explanation why, DH can give her one.

LaurieFairyCake · 25/12/2017 12:32

Well what about the other two Nanas she has????

Those kids have their two Nanas and your kid now has THREE

HolyShet · 25/12/2017 12:33

I think that means you cannot visit on Christmas Day, ever.

How unbelievably unkind.

letsdolunch321 · 25/12/2017 12:33

Bloody disgusting what a selfish woman.

I have got to that age now (51) where I would have to have a word with her asking the question of why she felt the need to single my daughter out by buying her other sons daughters more than she has spent on your dd, especially as her son had taken your dd on as his own.

I would do it as she was about to leave - pull her quietly to one side. Your dp I imagine in my experience doesn’t want a situation.

Original poster
RocknRolla · 25/12/2017 12:38

This is the first year we have come to MILs for Christmas as she is normally abroad, this will be the last year we come. It has really surprised me tbh as she normally is very fair with them all and usually treats them all the same. DH is raging as well but doesn’t want to upset anyone on Christmas Day. I think what is making it worse is that she made a big deal about presents from nana and then does that my DD. DH has said we will leave straight after the meal and not stay on as originally planned.

OP posts:
Original poster
RocknRolla · 25/12/2017 12:39

LaurieFairyCake that is the only nana my daughter has.

OP posts:
violetmartini · 25/12/2017 12:44

Awful behaviour, if it's any consolation my MIL is the same, doesn't acknowledge my other children at all, no present card but buys her bio grandchild (my dd) a huge sack of presents. She has also never bought me a present or anything either, not that I want a present, just some acknowledgment that I exist!

Gemini69 · 25/12/2017 12:48

STOP your DD calling this woman.... Nana... right now... She's NOT a Nana.. no Nana would behave like this toward a Child her Son has brought up as his own Child since 1 year old.... ditch the witch Flowers

Thedietstartsnow · 25/12/2017 12:51

That's a fucking disgrace,that's been done on purpose,nasty cow,who could do that to a little girl.nasty bitch

Thedietstartsnow · 25/12/2017 12:52

I'd be leaving ,and leaving the presents behinned

Tistheseason17 · 25/12/2017 12:54

I'm with Gemini69
So very sad for your DD.
However, we have spent the last few weeks talking about how the best thing about Xmas is the family time and that presents are nice but not the most important thing.