MIL and presents

[RocknRolla]

AIBU have come to MIL for Christmas dinner with DH and DD. DD is not DHs but he has been in her life for 4 years now since she was 1.
When it’s time for presents MIL comes out with 2 massive Santa sacks for BIL and SILs two children, the kids are 5 and 2, for my DD she brings out one present. Half an hour later nieces are still unwrapping there presents, while my DD only got a pair of pyjamas and that was it. DD is really upset now and asking why nana only got her pyjamas and her cousins got toys, clothes and chocolates. Have said to DH but he doesn’t want to say anything and ruin Christmas. So AIBU In wanting him to say something.

I read it wrong,I thought they were all yr children ,but the older 2 had different dads...they are cousins,that makes it a lot easier to get round,..I'd explain she's not your child's nana ,I'd also leave ,and get food elsewhere,home ? ..

Highly insensitive on her part - a little girl shouldn’t feel like that. On the day all grandkids should get the same, at least in front of them all. If anyone gets a little extra it needs to be very discreet.

No, that's bloody mean. She's a child ffs.

I have a similar situation with DD age 10. DH has been the only dad she's known for the past 7 years. Pils have always treated her exactly the same as their other four grandchildren. They love kids and any child who walks through their door is basically one of the gang. It would have taken very little effort on your mils part to make sure DD didn't feel left out or second best. Bitch

That’s terrible and no doubt I will be flamed but I would have tackled it there and then left with dd. I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself.

This used to happen to me by my step Nan while my (half) sister was spoilt rotten. My dad never said anything.
Still happens to this day. It hurt immensely as a child so I can really sympathise with your daughter.

In honesty, I despise my step Nan but she's just a cow in general. What really hurt was that my dad never said anything. My step mum didn't either, but my dad was my parent and he never said a thing. Clearly this won't happen in your situation, I just wouldn't say anything today. Leaving straight after lunch and bringing it up tomorrow is s good plan.

I saw it as a huge giant test and if I reacted they would call me selfish and tell me jealousy was an ugly trait.
I am pleased that your partner has seen that this is wrong and hope that this gets nipped before it escalates. Hopefully your bro/sis in laws are also embarrassed enough to speak to mother in law.
I hate mean people.

Have a wonderful day and try not to let it upset you xxx

How can anyone do that..... I’m sorry for your lovely little girl. I would LOOSE MY SHIT after Xmas. X

You say you've been with him for 4 years. Is this the first time she's done this or is this possibly the first Xmas you've spent with her?

I agree with PP that she does have the right to 'gift' as she sees fit, but you also have the right protect DD from unnecessary hurts. Tell her that to avoid unneeded hurt to DD you will spend Xmas elsewhere or will show up after the present opening is done (assuming that's practical). What you cannot do is demand that she give your DD like for like.

It's a shame, but this situation isn't unusual. My BFF's 'd'M not only didn't buy for her two DSC but would say she wanted a picture of 'all the DGC' by the tree and then say 'No, not you two. I only want my real grandchildren'. Bitch.

Hi op how's it going...did sil or bil say anything

What a COWBAG!

I have two friends with step-grandchildren - neither of them treat them any differently to the way they treat their "blood" grandchildren.

NEVER gor to her again - your DD is still a baby at 5 - she shouldn't have to cope with this sort of shit!

It's a shame, but this situation isn't unusual. My BFF's 'd'M not only didn't buy for her two DSC but would say she wanted a picture of 'all the DGC' by the tree and then say 'No, not you two. I only want my real grandchildren'. Bitch.

I would go BALLISTIC at this - It would happen only once . . .

I'm not sure that I would have expected her to buy exactly the same, but that disparity is just not on.

I'm not sure why your husband has said nothing tbh-he doesn't want to upset anyone-but it's OK for your daughter to be upset?

That is terrible. I honestly don't understand how she can sit there and think that it is ok. Your poor DD. Your DP must say something when Christmas is done and dusted.

RocknRolla

I'm so sorry, that is just dreadful, obnoxious, deliberately unkind, behaviour towards an innocent 4 year old.
I had a little tear for your lovely daughter and you.

At the moment, I'd like to shake your MIL warmly by the throat.

Go home as soon as you are able, and have a lovely evening with your beautiful girl.

Don't inflict your DD on such a nasty old bat in future.

the prosecco is starting to do the talking.

So many people having shite Christmases on MN to try and please others. Why??

am pissed a bit

Nana... has shown you in front of all the Family.. what she thinks of your DD and your relationship... second best and certainly NOT Family OP

I agree with the Poster.. that you DP whilst trying not to cause a scene.. should have ripped her bloody head off her shoulders there and then.. took DD's wee PJ's and left... but that's just me protecting my Babies...

Your DH needs to speak to her. If she doesn't recognise her as a grandchild then if it was me it would be christmas day at home from now on with no MIL visit

Yanbu. Thats harsh! My step grandparents treated me equally to my sister. And i was a lot older. My nan also treats my husbands brothers kids equal to mine and they aren't related! Family isn't always about genetics. Can you leave early?

That's atrocious!
I'd not have anything more to do with her.

If I were your SIL, I'd have been mentally going over the presents I'd bought my own kids working out if I could quickly swap them to your daughter to distract her.

I would expect your husband to have a calm conversation with his mother asking why she thought that was acceptable.

I wouldn't worry to much about doing it on Xmas Day either, she's the one who decided to create this shit today.

What a bitch.

She doesn't have to buy for your daughter (though really, why wouldn't she?) but she does then have to plan how Xmas Day presents are managed.

Actually saying that.... that was my first set of grandparents. My second lot where like your mil. But where generous in other areas. But this is for an entirely different disfunctional family thread!.

This isn’t about Xmas presents. She doesn’t recognise the relationship or your son
Vile and good luck to her as she never knows what will be in life

I'm a step grandparent, and I couldn't imagine treating my three differently! That's just plain nasty. I really don't understand how anybody can treat a child like that!!

DH is raging as well but doesn’t want to upset anyone on Christmas Day

Apart from your daughter of course...

So now her feelings are clear & your DD is not part of the GrandGang, there's no need to use the honorific of Nana. Your DD can call her by her given name & be perfectly polite.

I would be packing the car about now op. Your dh needs to speak up or he is really no better than his dm imo.

No Nana is better then this kind of Nana! How a normal person thinks it's ok to buy lots of presents for one set of grandchildren but only a pyjamas for yours? Ok, she wouldn't have to buy all the same but seriously this is just not on!
Please don't let your DD call her Nana she's going to give her low self esteem with her behaviour.