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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL and presents

174 replies

RocknRolla · 25/12/2017 12:12

AIBU have come to MIL for Christmas dinner with DH and DD. DD is not DHs but he has been in her life for 4 years now since she was 1.
When it’s time for presents MIL comes out with 2 massive Santa sacks for BIL and SILs two children, the kids are 5 and 2, for my DD she brings out one present. Half an hour later nieces are still unwrapping there presents, while my DD only got a pair of pyjamas and that was it. DD is really upset now and asking why nana only got her pyjamas and her cousins got toys, clothes and chocolates. Have said to DH but he doesn’t want to say anything and ruin Christmas. So AIBU In wanting him to say something.

OP posts:
thegreylady · 25/12/2017 15:47

That is outrageous. I have 3 blood dgc and 6 stepdgc and all are treated equally even if we aren’t together at Christmas. My own mum treated my step dgc like she did mine. Sorry your mil is just so wrong.

Original poster
RocknRolla · 25/12/2017 15:58

Thank you everyone! We are now back home and DD doesn’t seem bothered about it anymore, she just keeps talking about seen everyone . For those asking, this is the firsttime MIL has ever acted like this that I am aware off, but this is the first Christmas we have spent with her, normally she drops the presents off before Christmas and I am unaware as to what nieces get. She usually buys DD an outfit, a book and a toy.
DH is very upset about his mums behaviour and keeps apologising. Thankfully the rest of the family were there and I didn’t need to speak to her, the rest of the family are amazing.

OP posts:
splatattack · 25/12/2017 16:09

Well the silver lining is that you have a truly wonderful sister in law!!

I will be interested to hear how your DH's conversation goes with his mum...🤔

StepAwayFromGoogle · 25/12/2017 16:31

Wow, your MIL is a prize bitch. No way this was thoughtlessness unless she is also really, really thick. She must have realised what would happen on Christmas Day and just didn't care about your DD's feelings, or yours, or her son's. Thank goodness your DD seems to have forgotten about it.

Keep us updated on how the conversation goes with MIL - hopefully she will feel suitably ashamed. Hopefully your SIL will have had a word this evening.

HiggeldyPigsinblankets · 25/12/2017 16:45

what absolutely vile way to behave towards a child, one young enough to believe in the magic of Christmas. Im not sure I could have stayed to eat after that.

I cant imagine what was going on in her head, how she justified her actions to herself

MrsMozart · 25/12/2017 16:55

What a witch.

Hugs to your daughter.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 25/12/2017 16:59

Honestly it's insane. I'd love to see how she defends it to her son

Your poor dd. On the plus side your sil is awesome. I like her a lot! I think she might have a few choice words for your mil after you've left too

Glad your dd is ok. Have a lovely rest of Christmas

toomuchofacoincidence · 25/12/2017 17:03

If I were your DH I'd be ringing her right now and going bloody insane 😡 what an absolute CUNTS trick!!! Vile vile woman
Hugs for your DD xx

RandomUsernameHere · 25/12/2017 17:11

Can you say something along the lines that next year you won't arrive at her house until after the cousins have been given their presents? That way your DD won't feel bad but also avoids you essentially telling your MiL to give your DD more presents.

GreenTulips · 25/12/2017 17:20

next year you won't arrive at her house until after the cousins have been given their presents?

Yes! Because you and your DH can join in being mean to a 5 year old and agree with MIL treatment of a little girl.

notapizzaeater · 25/12/2017 17:29

That's really really nasty, what a spiteful person

diddl · 25/12/2017 17:36

Do you think that MIL was being deliberately nasty?

BewareOfDragons · 25/12/2017 17:43

HE doesn't want to ruin christmas??? Sorry, but his mother has already gone and done that.

What a cow. Utter, total, grinchy cow.

Sorry, OP. I would refuse to ever spend a holiday with her again unless her behaviour changes dramatically.

cleanasawhistle · 25/12/2017 18:11

So sorry for your little girl OP.
Unforgivable behaviour.

My MIL started to play favourites among the grandchildren when her daughter started having kids.
Never their to witness first hand but MIL and SIL would tell me about all the presents etc.

I never said a word but one day I decided that me and my kids would never set foot in their houses again,been over 14 years since we visited them.Their loss.

OP just keep away from people who would treat your child like that.

annielouisa · 25/12/2017 18:23

What a horrible woman. I have 12 DGSC and they are my life we recently lost my DH and my family including all my Wonderful DC step and bio have been was rocks. We don't usually use step in our family which does cause confusion for some people but all my DC I am DC and my late DH was DF neither bio parents are in their lives.

Last night I was worried because one DGS presents looked less it was because it was more expensive not because I had bought just a pair of pyjamas. What she did was not acceptable because if you have a DC together there will be a further opportunities to hurt your DD.

TroelsLovesSquinkies · 25/12/2017 19:15

Your Dh needs to sort this out and set his mother straight about Dd.
She did a horrible thing.

Original poster
RocknRolla · 25/12/2017 20:55

After we came home MIL text us to see if DD wanted to come back for a sleepover, her words were I want all my grandbabies with me Hmm. We have just ignored her just now and will deal with her in the morning. When DH was putting DD to bed tonight she was talking about how lucky she had been but asked if she had been bad at Nanas house because her cousins got more Sad. I am devasted for her but we are going to take her out to the sales tomorrow and she can get some playdoh (hate the mess playdoh makes, so she doesn’t have it often in the house).

OP posts:
toomuchofacoincidence · 25/12/2017 21:07

That's absolutely heartbreaking your MIL is a manipulative cunt Op

WhooooAmI24601 · 25/12/2017 21:12

Do you think that MIL was being deliberately nasty?

There's no other interpretation, is there? It's impossible to be such a complete shit without knowing how awful your behaviour is. Your poor DD, OP, to be asking if she was bad because they other children got more. Your MIL needs a shake.

Homemenu1 · 25/12/2017 21:14

Why ignore her though? Text her back how you feel, let her know what she has done

Beansprout30 · 25/12/2017 21:30

Your poor DD, this has brought a tear to my eye she must have been hurt and confused poor kid. What a nasty witch of a woman! She needs telling asap, your DH needs to grow some balls and stick up for you and DD

Original poster
RocknRolla · 25/12/2017 22:07

The reason we have ignored her text is she will try and turn it on to us. She would say that we have ruined her Christmas. She also has had a drink so there is no point in trying to talk to her today. We didn’t say anything when we where there as didn’t want to upset DD. DD was the only reason we stayed for dinner because she helped decorate the Xmas cake yesterday and was so excited for us to see it.
I honestly don’t know what to think of it all. She always seemed to accept DD and I. DH has said he will phone her first thing tomorrow and tell her how unacceptable it was and how upset we all are. Tonight was the first time I have ever seen DH in tears he is absolutely devasted by it all and says he doesn’t think the relationship can ever be fixed.

OP posts:
Sweetpea55 · 25/12/2017 22:10

Why don't I look u tell the nasty cow what your daughter said. Maybe that will hit home

GreenTulips · 25/12/2017 22:15

Leave your SH to deal with his mom, there's no need for you to get involved and you should Ben pleased he's prepared to do so, and that he is eually upset by these events

You have a keeper X

BewareOfDragons · 25/12/2017 22:17

Please text her and let her claim you ruined her Christmas Day. Frankly, it deserves to be ruined for her. Because she was perfectly happy to ruin it for a 5 year old girl who thought she was a loved and secure granddaughter under the circumstances.

MIL does not deserve a happy, comfortable evening. She deserves to be called out on her behaviour and have it explained very clearly to her why what she did is vile and inexcusable. And it sounds like SIL would back you up. I hope she does.

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