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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not recognise Christmas on Mumsnet?

288 replies

Kikisxmas · 17/12/2017 16:54

I love reading all of the Christmas threads but more than ever this year I can't relate to much of it. I'm not slating anyone's way of doing things btw, it just seems that the norm here is not what I know and experience in real life at all.

Some examples;

Not visiting family at Christmas- I don't know anybody who doesn't spend Christmas/part of Christmas with family or friends.

Minimal gifts for dc- it sometimes seems like a competition on here, who can spend the least/buy the least for their dc. There's definitely some snobbery about those of us who buy lots of presents and the assumption it's tat. I'm not including those who can't spend much here btw.

Christmas Eve boxes/elf on the shelf/stockings- Again I've seen so many posts, some pretty nasty derisive comments to those who participate.

Giving random essentials for Christmas- A mattress and a potty are the standout ones for me this year.

So is it just me!? Like I said I'm not bitching about those who do things differently, I understand some people aren't big on Christmas, don't like it for personal reasons, don't like the commercialism etc.

Not looking for a bunfight, just curious about how your Christmas is and if it fits the mn norm?

OP posts:
Original poster
Kikisxmas · 17/12/2017 16:57

Also meant to say, I've read a few times that the amount of presents is linked to. I'm working class and live in a very working class area with high levels of deprivation so maybe there's something in that.

OP posts:
ForalltheSaints · 17/12/2017 16:59

You don't live anywhere near Highgate then!

Allyg1185 · 17/12/2017 17:00

Family come to us. I refuse to leave my house.

I don't spend alot on gifts and don't buy for alot of people.

I do xmas eve box but not elf on the shelf.

I hand out very few xmas cards.

Xmas for us is a time to relax, spend time with family, have a few drinks and eat some nice food. We don't go over board and we don't spend a fortune or get into debt for what we have bought. However i don't judge how the next person celebrates xmas.

Live and let live is my motto.

MaisyPops · 17/12/2017 17:01

Christmas in the Pops household:

  • Christmas eve just us
  • christmas day abd boxing day with family (but at our home for the evenings)
  • stockings with little bits in it
  • one main present each and a few smaller ones
  • no christmas eve boxes or new traditions
No excessive spending but neither are we completely frugal.
LoniceraJaponica · 17/12/2017 17:01

Not visiting family at Christmas- I don't know anybody who doesn't spend Christmas/part of Christmas with family or friends.

We can’t. Neither family has room to put us up and we live too far for a short visit of a few hours. The pub in MIL’s village doesn’t take paying guests over Christmas so we can’t even stay there. OH doesn’t like my sister’s family and it costs too many £££ for us to find a hotel near her. I think you are making massive assumptions about why people can’t or don’t want to see family over Christmas. And neither family wants to travel to us for Christmas either.

Minimal gifts for dc- it sometimes seems like a competition on here, who can spend the least/buy the least for their dc. There's definitely some snobbery about those of us who buy lots of presents and the assumption it's tat. I'm not including those who can't spend much here btw.

That doesn’t apply to us

Christmas Eve boxes/elf on the shelf/stockings- Again I've seen so many posts, some pretty nasty derisive comments to those who participate.

I had never heard of this before MN. DD is 17 so she is too old for this kind of thing anyway.

Original poster
Kikisxmas · 17/12/2017 17:02

Gah my last post doesn't make sense, should say amount of presents linked to class, it's the norm here to provide a sofa full of presents. People save all year, get into debt, go without to provide a "good" Christmas.

OP posts:
stitchglitched · 17/12/2017 17:02

I've never met anyone in my life who doesn't do Santa with their kids but on MN quite a few posters don't.

MiraiDevant · 17/12/2017 17:02

You are right - up to a point.
Plenty of threads with people who share your views.
Religious people tend to get a hard time on here - especially catholics - so few are going to say how special it is for them.

The population is far less Christian now - lots of Muslims who do not celebrate Christmas, many who are not religious at all, Jews and Hindus too - so it is up to them to choose how to mark this Winter festival. And it will vary. 50 - 60 years ago the population was much more homogenous and more people were Christian or at least said that they were so of course it was a different festival

LoniceraJaponica · 17/12/2017 17:02

I have never and would never go into debt for Christmas.

Codlet · 17/12/2017 17:04

I agree that there can be a bit of a ‘who spends the least on their DCs’ competition on MN. But personally I far prefer that to the people who post photos on FB of piles and piles of presents for their DC.

Original poster
Kikisxmas · 17/12/2017 17:05

@lonicera I'm not making assumptions, I didn't speculate on the reasons. I've seen numerous posters say the same as @ally that they don't leave their house on Christmas Day.

I also agree with live and let live, I'm just curious that the norm here is so different to real life norm for me.

OP posts:
Smeaton · 17/12/2017 17:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KickAssAngel · 17/12/2017 17:05

I grew up with a family where we all visited each other over Christmas. DH grew up with parents who refused to visit their extended family and made him sit in his room most of the time.

So - we have very different views of Christmas. but I generally think that Christmas is about seeing people and spending time with family. Sadly, we live thousands of miles away so it's a bit difficult for us.

longestlurkerever · 17/12/2017 17:06

Plenty of people on mumsnet make a big deal out of Christmas - there's a whole board dedicated to present buying. So I think you probably notice the posts that don't reflect what you are familiar with more. I've noticed I do this myself - the posts I find surprising jump out and stick in my memory and I decide they represent a greater proportion of posts than they probably do in reality. We will go to see family for Christmas, though I know plenty who won't, especially with family abroad. I don't do Xmas Eve boxes or elf on the shelf, though we do other things like Christmas shows and light shows. Present buying varies from year to year but I don't like going overboard just for the sake of it.

darkcandlelight · 17/12/2017 17:06

A lot of the time Internet forums draw people sith either difficult relations with families or who have died. I don't have any family to visit. I don't really like the piles of presents. The children have plenty to enjoy but for young children it's silly to get them loads as they outgrow toys and games very quickly at the preschool stage, and I do find Christmas eve boxes a bit much. Doing something nice Christmas eve is lovely though. And I hate elf on the shelf.

Original poster
Kikisxmas · 17/12/2017 17:07

@codlet I hate the present photos too, there's just no need.

OP posts:
FreudianSlurp · 17/12/2017 17:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lowdoorinthewal1 · 17/12/2017 17:09

We don't go away to stay with relatives, or have relatives stay here. One day close to Christmas is spent seeing family members. (Is that a pass or a fail?)

We do a Dec1st box and put decorations up on that day. DS(7) is allowed to do the tree and we do have tinsel. (Mumsnet fail.)

We have an Elf. (Mumsnet fail.)

We usually go to Centre Parcs for a 'winter wonderland' break and love it. (Mumsnet fail.)

We go to the panto Christmas eve and out to the pub for Christmas dinner. (Read a thread on here where someone said both these things were cruel as they forced people to work instead of be with their families- fail.)

DS gets loads of presents- he is an only and gets the budget for 2 or 3 kids spent on him. (double Mumsnet fail.)

I'm pretty sure we are doing other things wrong too. Grin

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 17/12/2017 17:09

I don't recognise the buying of millions of gifts for adults. Aunts and Uncles and cousins etc.

Swirlingasong · 17/12/2017 17:10

Well, in real life we tend to know people who are pretty similar to ourselves. On mn, you get everyone so people's ways of doing things will be more diverse. Also, we probably tend to notice the posts that are different from ourselves more.

dementedma · 17/12/2017 17:12

Bully for you lonicera. Not everyone has financial stability for that to be an option

Iloveantiques · 17/12/2017 17:15

There is no ‘norm’

Original poster
Kikisxmas · 17/12/2017 17:15

@longest and @swirling you're right it could be that I'm just taking more notice of posters that do things differently to me.

@lowdoor glad it's not just me Xmas Grin

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 17/12/2017 17:18

Mine is prob more rhe perceived norm.

Loads of presents for our twenty year old daughter, an expensive gift each for husband and I. We don't get into debt for it and can easily afford what we spend. Gifts for other kids, we don't buy for adults.

We have never got into debt for Xmas. We also have never given essentials.

We do a stocking still for our daughter, make up, underwear, hair stuff, that kind of thing,

I've no idea what a xmas eve box actually is and our daughter is too old for elf on thr shelf...🤣

I'm hosting for family and friends this year and have 11 coming on Boxing Day due to someone's work commitments on Xmas day and we don't want anyone to miss out. Doing a turkey and a ham and all the normal Xmas extras. We will get pissed. Eat drink and be merry. Everyone is staying over. High chance they will stay the next night too if we start drinking again.

So yup, lots of presents, lots of friends and family, lots of booze , food, music, dancing and hopefully love and laughter.

TheRottweiler · 17/12/2017 17:20

The posts that stand out for me are the ones from so called 'mothers' that want to sit their little ones down and tell them that Christmas and Santa is one big fat lie.

I want to scoop those poor children up and show them what a proper normal family Christmas is all about.

The magic of it all, the build up to the big day', the part where the DAY is all about the children, memories to be made and traditions upheld, to be passed down the ages.

My heart breaks for the children that won't have a Christmas because their parents have decided that it doesn't really exist. Even though they probably had lovely Christmas Days themselves, when they were brats.