To not recognise Christmas on Mumsnet?

[Kikisxmas]

I love reading all of the Christmas threads but more than ever this year I can't relate to much of it. I'm not slating anyone's way of doing things btw, it just seems that the norm here is not what I know and experience in real life at all.

Some examples;

Not visiting family at Christmas- I don't know anybody who doesn't spend Christmas/part of Christmas with family or friends.

Minimal gifts for dc- it sometimes seems like a competition on here, who can spend the least/buy the least for their dc. There's definitely some snobbery about those of us who buy lots of presents and the assumption it's tat. I'm not including those who can't spend much here btw.

Christmas Eve boxes/elf on the shelf/stockings- Again I've seen so many posts, some pretty nasty derisive comments to those who participate.

Giving random essentials for Christmas- A mattress and a potty are the standout ones for me this year.

So is it just me!? Like I said I'm not bitching about those who do things differently, I understand some people aren't big on Christmas, don't like it for personal reasons, don't like the commercialism etc.

Not looking for a bunfight, just curious about how your Christmas is and if it fits the mn norm?

We visit family.

We try to get very little for DC as they have so much already and can easily play with one new toy for hours.

We don't do any boxes but we do our own version of elf on the shelf.

I might give something like pyjamas for Christmas, but only some special ones that would be appreciated.

That whole patronising thing about how ‘working class people spend sooo much on christmas’ Ie: ‘they are not worthy enough to participate, it’s only the middle classes that do it properly’ attitude really rips my knitting.

Ffs ‘we only got Hugo an iPad for Christmas, nothing else because we don’t want to spoil him..’ or ‘we didn’t have much at Christmas this year because we are saving up to go skiing in feb’

Not visiting family at Christmas- I don't know anybody who doesn't spend Christmas/part of Christmas with family or friend

I've been no contact with my arsehole family for nearly 30yrs.

Minimal gifts for dc- it sometimes seems like a competition on here, who can spend the least/buy the least for their dc

Spending @ £400 on each of the four adult children.

Christmas Eve boxes/elf on the shelf/stockings- Again I've seen so many posts, some pretty nasty derisive comments to those who participate

Have bought the youngest (has SN) a little Xmas eve gift, because it will help her go to bed happy. Still do stockings and refillable advent calendars for them. 😄 Elf on the shelf is creep you a fuck and I've enough to do.

Giving random essentials for Christmas- A mattress and a potty are the standout ones for me this year

Keep getting chocolate from friends and inlaws (I love my inlaws bty, I know that's unusual). I've been vegan for 30yrs! 😆

Not looking for a bunfight

Bring it awnnnn! 😠🍩

Christmas Eve box? Isn't that a box that has Pj's, a Christmas film, a hot chocolate and some snacks? Then you snuggle up with your DC in front of the film? Why on earth would anybody have a problem with that? Because it's doesn't come out of a Sainsburys bag?

We spend Christmas Day at home with just the DC, got sick of being props to my parents and PILs Christmases where the dc weren’t allowed to play with their presents (they had to open them when they got home as god forbid they made a mess/noise at their houses ) we’d get the scraps from lunch after certain relatives helped themselves to 3 people’s worth of food, and had to sit on the floor on a cushion as there wasn’t enough seats as the same greedy relatives hogged the seats year in year out. Clock watching so that we weren’t late to scoot off to the in-laws so couldn’t really relax/enjoy ourselves or both have a drink. The dc were hyped up with rubbished sneaked into them, overwhelmed with gifts, and upset at being bundled in the car to visit two sets of relatives. We now spend it at home, don’t see anyone til Boxing Day, we can have a few drinks, the dc get to play with their gifts, we have a roaring open fire and toast marshmallows - bloody bliss!

Also the dc get some essentials in their stocking, as well as a traditional clementine. We’re working class and live in the NE and we don’t go overboard on the presents as they get enough in total from all the family plus I hate wasteful tat, I’d rather buy them something they’ll play with more than once than something massive for the sake of big is better —looking at you SIL—

I have always loved Christmas. Plenty of booze and treat foods in the cupboard. House decorated, piles of presents under the tree and the door open for anyone who wanted to visit or was on their own. Midnight mass and Christmas jumper on for a drink at the pub whilst the turkey was cooking.
This year it will be more scaled back as it is only a few months since I lost my husband and in truth I would rather just hide under the duvet for the day but life goes on and I have my family to think about. My sons have gone through a lot this year so whilst not every moment of Christmas will be happy some of it will and that is enough for me.

Agree Tinycitrus, it’s the same when parents brag that they don’t have a tv (or as they love to call it the ‘idiot box’) yet they and their dc are glued to iPads, iPhones etc...

Christmas Eve boxes/elf on the shelf/stockings- Again I've seen so many posts, some pretty nasty derisive comments to those who participate

Never heard of this before MN.

In real life I don't know anyone who makes as much of a fuss as some MNetters do including obsessesing about buying presents for their aunts, uncles, in - laws, or who do family secret Santas or witter on about "the magic of Christmas"

@cantspell I hope your Christmas goes as well as it can do

TinyCitrus

Yep, me too.
I am now, in adulthood, able to buy treats all year around. If you spend all year saying 'no, we can't afford it' then the desire to have just one year that is magical, indulgent and unaffected by having no money must be overwhelming.

My mum had no money and spent all year buying little bits a pieces and saving to give us a good Christmas

I don't know if here relief and pride might have made her want to post on Facebook if she had it in the 1960s but I hope I wouldn't have been a dick to her if I'd seen that post

My children are grown up, 29 and 25. They are coming home for Christmas, we have a lovely Christmas Eve dinner, my daughter then goes out to celebrate Christmas Eve with a friend’s family ( something she has been doing since she was about 14. ) We have a really relaxed family Christmas Dinner, now they are grown up, they both help with peeling veggies etc. We don’t spend huge amounts on presents but we have a great time. Christmas is special, each family has thei4 own traditions. Snobbery and smugness has no place.

I do understand that, Pagwatch, but my problem is it seems endless. Christmas Eve boxes. Endless winter wonderland days/Lapland and technology and money, money, money. And the winners are always the stores.

throws a mince pie at PositivelyPERF

crys because it's none vegan 😱 throws fruit back 🍏🍎🍐🍊 runs away and hides behind obscene mountain of presents

Christmas in my house...

Christmas Eve morning - the children go out with their dad and I do a last minute house clean/tidy; mop kitchen floor; put laundry away; change sheets on the bed.

Christmas Eve afternoon/evening - various things from watching a Christmas film and an early night to performing carols at the Town Hall to going to the crib service at church to having a Christmassy buffet just the three of us (2 children and me). New PJs and go to bed in clean sheets.

Christmas Day - always a pyjama day at home.

Boxing Day - children to their dads for the day.

So we do Christmas PJs, but not the Christmas Box. No Elf on the Shelf (fortunately mine were too old for that when it started).

We don't have any family to visit on Christmas Day or around Christmas (one sibling who spends 2 weeks with inlaws overseas each year) and any friends are spending the day with their own families.

I only buy for my children, a niece I don't see until well into the New Year and the children of one set of friends, so no sense of spending a fortune or anything.

I like it.

We visit family for Christmas. We live a couple of hundred miles away and will be travelling up on Christmas Eve to stay with my parents, will visit the in laws on Boxing Day and come home the day after.

Depends what they’ve asked for - this year we’ve spent a couple of hundred pounds on each DD (16 and 12) plus a stocking of bits and pieces - a new outfit, make up, knickers, socks, stuff like that. They’re too old for Father Christmas now but have carried it on. Some years we’ve spend more, some years we’ve spent less.

They’ve always had new pyjamas on Christmas Eve - delivered by the elves that Father Christmas sent ahead to check kids were getting ready for bed. We still have new pyjamas which ‘mysteriously’ appear while they’re in the shower

We’ve had our own version of Elf on the Shelf - a little Maelig Pixie - since DD1 was quite small. She delivered the advent calendars but doesn’t do anything exciting like some of the things my friends have posted on Facebook. She just lounges around on a shelf. She still delivers the advent calendars. Last year I thought I’d lost her and the kids were absolutely gutted

We do stockings in the morning, have Buck’s Fizz and selection boxes for breakfast. Have lunch about 2ish then open the rest of the presents

Family - do you mean extended family? We don’t visit them. Have been Nc with them for many reasons. And hell would freeze over first before I made contact now.

I don’t spend a lot on the dcs at Christmas. Never have. Prefer to lavish gifts on them on their birthdays. Token gifts and anything that’s shared.

Practical gifts - adult dcs have asked for some practical gifts. They always get things like novelty slippers. A potty I can understand because of the packaging will most likely entertain a young child more than an actual gift.

Christmas Eve boxes/ elf on the shelf - recent invention. Never done these and don’t intend to start now.

Stockings - always have done these. Even the adult dc’a enjoy the randomness of them. A few age relevant things like makeup etc and some novelty stuff.

And we still do advent calendars.

septembersapphire Not everyone who does those things spends a fortune to do so though. Some people do budget versions of what could be a very expensive activity.

Lots of your points are just part of the oft-observed/commented on above-average middle class demographic of MN

There have been faaasands of threads about the mountain-of-presents vs here-is-a-New-school-coat differences between working class and middle class families and why those attitudes are entrenched within different bits of society

It's the same with seeing friends and family on Christmas Day. Rich families, in my experience, tend to be more spread out around the country so you can't pop in to see granny in the morning.
They are also more used to going on ski holidays or to the Caribbean over Christmas so happier just doing their own thing as a family unit.

So MN is probably just giving you a glimpse of what some people who aren't in your social circle do, and that sticks in your mind more than all the threads from people who have similar Christmases to you and your family

Aww Cantspell I am sorry for what you're going through. This is the third Xmas without my darling husband and TBH I'm still doing it for the kids. The pain doesn't disappear, we just get better at coping with it. The best I can wish you is a peaceful Xmas and I hope you find some joy with your children. 🌹

Christmas is very much for family we will see family on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day.
I try not to go too mad on presents for DD and have a mix of high and low cost presents so she has a small pile to open but not a sofas worth that’s an obscene amount. I know from past experience if she has too many presents to open she doesn’t even stop to look at them and we have ended up with presents that have never even been used. I choose more carefully now and she gets less but I know she’ll love every one of them . I don’t actually care about presents for myself and me and DH rarely exchange gifts.
Yes to stocking , no to elf on the shelf, Christmas boxes and all the ‘new’ traditions just designed to make you consume more crap.
I’m working class if of helps and love Christmas but hate over the top flashy consumerism.

Kiki thankyou and I wish you and everyone a joyous Christmas no matter how they choose to celebrate it.
There is a lot of misery in this world and I wish people would not add to it with petty squabbles or looking for fault or insult when none was intended. This place will be awash come Boxing Day with moans about the present their husband/partner did or didn’t get them, the mil who didn’t do anything to help, the niece or nephew who didn’t say thankyou for their Lego etc and in the end it is all trivia that people get bogged down with.

I'm lol-ing at the mattress angst, my parents bought me a garden fence last year best present ever!

We see everyone over Christmas (the week starting from the 24th), have never done elf/new pjs/Christmas eve boxes, some years we do the torchlight procession in the village but not always. Father Christmas brings stocking presents - but we've always done it as a game, FC has never been real. We bake gingerbread houses! The children open presents from people when they see them - so they have presents on Christmas Eve & Boxing day as well Christmas day. Adults wait until Christmas day. We have Christmas 'lunch' in the evening.

My dc are lucky and get presents from two sets of grandparents & three sets of aunts/uncles and then they get two/three presents from us & a stocking.

Things that I've never really thought about but have been surprised to see on mn - children being bought everything on their Christmas lists. Also the idea that Christmas 'is for the children'; haven't see that in real life.

The only thing that I really don't like are the Santa threats ... be good or no presents etc.

PositivelyPerf thankyou and I wish you joy in your Christmas as well.