To not recognise Christmas on Mumsnet?

[Kikisxmas]

I love reading all of the Christmas threads but more than ever this year I can't relate to much of it. I'm not slating anyone's way of doing things btw, it just seems that the norm here is not what I know and experience in real life at all.

Some examples;

Not visiting family at Christmas- I don't know anybody who doesn't spend Christmas/part of Christmas with family or friends.

Minimal gifts for dc- it sometimes seems like a competition on here, who can spend the least/buy the least for their dc. There's definitely some snobbery about those of us who buy lots of presents and the assumption it's tat. I'm not including those who can't spend much here btw.

Christmas Eve boxes/elf on the shelf/stockings- Again I've seen so many posts, some pretty nasty derisive comments to those who participate.

Giving random essentials for Christmas- A mattress and a potty are the standout ones for me this year.

So is it just me!? Like I said I'm not bitching about those who do things differently, I understand some people aren't big on Christmas, don't like it for personal reasons, don't like the commercialism etc.

Not looking for a bunfight, just curious about how your Christmas is and if it fits the mn norm?

Not visiting family at Christmas half my family are Jehovahs witnesses and as such I would not be welcome at Christmas. The other half live abroad and rarely message me let alone want to visit or have me there. Even if they did I'll be working Christmas eve and probably boxing day too so no time to travel abroad if I was welcome. thanks for rubbing it in tho

Minimal gifts for dc I've bought DD three gifts I know she will enjoy and play with, two go together, and some clothes in her stocking. She's one, there's plenty of time for big Christmases when she's old enough to understand but right now quality over quantity is fine. Also there's no point bankrupting myself on hundreds of presents when I earn barely above minimum wage. DD would prefer a roof over her head 365 days a year than 365 gifts on one day.

Christmas Eve boxes/elf on the shelf/stockings DD has a stocking, it has clothes and PJs in, Christmas eve boxes for me aren't worth it. By the time I get home from work she's going straight to bed, I would rather actually see her open her present.

Giving random essentials for Christmas DDs dad cheated on me, he repeatedly makes my life hell and causes me trouble after causing sexual harassment at work. Sadly we are still living together and he has bought me a gift so I've bought him a clock, it's what he needs but it means I know that it wont go to waste. Not really in the mood to think for a long time about a thoughtful gift for someone who has treated me that way.

Hope that helps!

What strikes me is the absolute consumerism - endlrss’black friday’ deals, Santa/Xmas ‘experiences’ and a very precious attitude to ‘me time’ family time’ when Christmas used to be about celebrating together with family and friends.

I’m not religious at all - but Christianity is conspicuous by its absence this year.

Kiki I think I've seen the opposite on here!
Posters listing hundreds of presents, especially for the children and the Show Us Your Tree thread full of magnificently decorated trees making me far too embarrassed to post a pic of my artificial tree.

Lots of posters having meltdowns because they've run out of flour and can't make their elaborate handcrafted gingerbread house or what not. It makes me think I should be having a meltdown about something but I'm not baking anything

I suppose anyone who has difficult relationships with their family are more likely to post for advice so that just seems more prominent?

we all buy presents once we're adults - they may be be quite simple, inexpensive presents but it's the thought. We have a family xmas which might involve people at our house or us having to travel depending on whose turn it is, we don't spend a lot on gifts but we try to get things that will be appreciated, we have a tree, we eat turkey mostly but if we got to Mr Slinger's family then they tend to go for goose and then it's a xmas eve celebration

@stupid not rubbing it in at all if you read all of my posts you'd see that by not spending it with family I meant the posters who chose not to leave the house on xmas day.

I hope your situation improves and you're able to get away from your abusive partner.

This whole ‘making memories’ ‘Christmas traditions thru the ages’ stuff as well...thus is new perhaps because people are seeking a meaning to all this.

I don't do Santa with my kids, you don't have to tell them it's a lie if you don't lie to them in the first place

Those so called mothers lied by to their children to get them to behave

@ilostit see that's another thing I never see in real life, people baking gingerbread to make houses

Lying to their children 🙄

Rottweiler, for most of those children it’s really not the way you describe. They’ve never been literally told Santa exists. They have carols, pressies and chocolate same as your kids. But they don’t literally believe in Santa.

I enjoyed Christmas as a child but I don’t have the whimsical feelings others seem to have about it and I’m not comfortable telling my children something as a fact when it is fiction. It doesn’t mean they’ll have a lump of coal in their stocking!

Oh Bluntness, you really are insufferably smug.

I have some Muslim friends, one an Imam. They do not celebrate Christmas as the birth of Christ, but they do mark the holiday. By the way you may not be aware that Muslims regard Jesus as a prophet. Mary also features a great deal in the Quran.

No elf on the shelf and don't know anyone who does it. Had never heard of it outside of Mumsnet.

No presents on Xmas Eve but we open them first thing on Christmas Morning. I don't think I know anyone who makes their DC wait until after lunchtime to open presents.

No fancy breakfast here yucky smoked salmon just bucketloads of tea and selection boxes

I buy my DC a reasonable amount but not sofaloads. I have never left my home on Christmas Day. I don't understand why people say if you do that you aren't spending the day with family. I am . I am spending it with my own family I wouldn't dream of bundling kids into cars and driving them around the country all over the holidays, it's just not something I can imagine wanting to do.

DC are older teens now and get things like Festival tickets and Trips to Paris for Christmas. I don't think they are essentials.

The thing I find weirdest are the people who say their parents, friends etc are not "allowed" to give their DC presents. All the presents Have To Come From Santa.

Yeah, I was told a while ago that spending loads of money on Christmas was a very working class thing. I think no one told my mum this! We were pretty upper middle class and Christmas was always massive when I was a kid. I've definitely carried on the tradition. I save during the year and then blow £1k or so on Xmas. Total MN fail.

We don't go away to see relatives as they all live in different countries and it would be too difficult. MN pass?

No elf on the shelf, no Xmas boxes, but we do St Nick's shoes on 6th Dec (German family) and stockings, and a Hannukah candle with one set of GPs. And one year we visited Italian family and Befana came as well, but that was a bit OTT. MN fail.

House is decorated quite thoroughly - hand made Yule log in the fireplace, hand made garland on the door, assorted small fimo Christmas figures I've made over the years in the window. Big tree, etc. MN fail.

We normally host a massive Xmas Eve party for friends, then tidy up, then go to Midnight Mass, and come home and DD can hang up her stocking and then she goes to bed. Xmas Day is immediate family only, and then Boxing Day we have a couple of close friends who visit with their DCs for leftovers, and board games.

We visit family for New Year.

I'm pretty sure I'm a MN nightmare. But it makes me happy.

Giving random essentials for Christmas- A mattress and a potty are the standout ones for me this year.

I remember the mattress post, I wonder why that one stood out! Though bearing in mind the giver is renowned for living in fantasy land I think we can say that's probably not true.

I don't see family other than my own children. My sisters live either 5hrs away or 12,000miles. That one did surprise us one year and I went there to see mum( no longer with us) but no one else on my side and DH doesn't see his aunties ever, no reason.
We invite some of our children's friends who can't have Christmas with there families.Someone rescued me from a day working and being on my own. It seemed ok until the day arrived so I have never forgotten how lonely it can feel. I married him!
I do spend some time with friends and their families though.

We don't spend huge amounts more about the thought. I am struggling this year though to get something for our ( I don't really need anything grown up kids) children. I have offered to buy DD a bed. She has a mattress on the floor but she says wait as she might be moving. I have bought her a dress and some smellies and we are going to the theatre hopefully.The men are more difficult.
When little they had the main present from Santa, a stocking, a present from us or two smaller ones(Lego etc) they gave each other one. My aunt sent us a cheque which we used to take them to the panto or film and some sweets. Some sort of family outing. Santa train was another.
We eat well but don't have masses we can shut the fridge door.
I just think each to their own.My daughter came back from her friend's horrified once because they had six black bin bags each of toys. She thought it was excessive, she was five!

But mumsnet isn’t real life is it? You’re friends in real life are chosen as friends because they have similar views and values to you. Mumsnet is a collection of random people that you probably wouldn’t ever meet in RL!

I love reading about everyone’s different Christmas traditions on here - I was actually quite surprised by how “different” other people’s Christmas Day is from ours, because I suppose you always assume what you grew up with was standard for everyone.

We do bacon sandwiches and Buck’s Fizz for breakfast, we always spend it with family but never travel between relatives, we go to one house and that’s that.
As a child it was always spent at home with relatives coming to us, this year we are going to my FILs (though I will break my own rule and pop in on my parents in the morning, only because they are literally around the corner, if I had to “travel” to them I’d go on a different day).

We put our presents under the tree all mixed up, and someone hands them out until everyone has their pile and we open together. No taking turns, or separate piles under the tree.

Dinner is always a late lunch at 2ish and involves your standard turkey dinner with trimmings.

Stockings are absolutely non negotiable and usually opened before breakfast, other presents afterwards.

I hadn’t heard of Christmas Eve boxes or elf on the shelf before MN but I don’t have children. I think a Christmas Eve box of new PJs, film/book and a milky drink the settle the kids off to sleep sounds like a nice tradition actually.

Gifts in our house should be frivolous not practical, something lovely you “deserve” but wouldn’t buy yourself. We do not generally do lists, but “suggestions” are welcome.

We also have a tradition that anyone joining the family for Christmas Day exchanges gifts. Even if you wouldn’t normally buy for them (we don’t normally buy for cousins or aunts for example, but if they are joining us on the day they will get a gift and give one in return).

Boxing Day is always a buffet with a family member that didn’t host Christmas dinner, and New Years Day is for a trip to the cinema.

We don’t do church, panto or a carol service, though these things all sound nice and Christmassy too!

There's always the snobbery about the vulgar who amass 'plastic tat' mountains of presents, like elf on the shelf, DEc 1st and 24th boxes, tree up end Nov/beginning Dec. Then there's always the competitive frugal threads (not speaking of borne out of necessity just to disclaimer). Lots of us are somewhere in between. I don't think there is a norm as such, personally.

YANBU.

We don’t see family over Christmas apart from one big meal in a pub or restaurant.

I buy lots of presents for my children and save all year to do it.

I would never buy an essential item for a Christmas present.

I do elf on a shelf and am considering Christmas Eve boxes.

I don’t know anyone in RL who has the kind of Christmas so many claim on here.

Oh gosh yes the santa angst! People seriously overthink it imo, I loved the excitement of santa, I'm sure my parents didn't get so stressed about all the detail like does santa bring all the presents? What about other children having more/less from santa? When to break the new that he's not real?

I think for us santa brought the presents that were either sent to him from my parents or they gave him money to buy them, presents off the family were off them not santa. I never had to be sat down and told my parents had lied to me . I just figured out that it was nice like a fairytale at some point.

We are going to family for Christmas (but reassured by this thread that we aren't the only ones)
Don't do elf on shelf or Christmas Eve boxes (might do the latter when kids are older)
I'd spend more on the kids if I had it but I don't so I won't. They don't actually need that much anyway (both below 4)
Not giving essentials to kids for Christmas unless clothing counts. But who cares? My parents gave me a full length mirror one year when I was about 6, and I thought it was odd at the time, but it terms of longevity and usefulness it's the best gift I've had.

@therottweller, don't be ridiculous. You're not describing me but I am grown up enough to see that children are not damaged by having parents that do not wish to celebrate Christmas in exactly the way you deem appropriate. Save your sympathy for those who are genuinely hard done by. And I do agree that social media has escalated the "making memories" stuff. Lovely if want to celebrate in some particular way with your kids but let's all stop with the competitiveness eh?