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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu for calling her a racist?

131 replies

spiritofadventure · 14/12/2017 09:22

Went out for a few pre christmas drinks with a group of close friends on Saturday night. Nobody was drunk and we had been out for maybe 1 hour when somehow, the conversation turned into a discussion about Trump.

One of my friends came out with 'Trump is going to change the world for the better' and then proceeded to have a good old rant about how 'blacks and mexicans' are responsible for 'all' the crime in America. I asked her what she was basing this on , to which she replied 'people should just stick to their own people and stay in their own countries'.

This comment left me open mouthed and furious! I am mixed race and 2 other friends in the group are from another European country.

I told her that I had no idea she had such controversial opinions and that i didn't want to carry on a conversation with a racist. And then I left.

We haven't spoken since, but I have spoken to other members of the group and have been told that she is 'deeply hurt' that I called her a racist and she wants an apology.

I stand by what I said and i don't want to apologise.

Aibu??

OP posts:
kmc1111 · 14/12/2017 09:27

Of course you're not BU!

If any of these other friends were actually suggesting an apology was at all warranted I'd be cutting them loose along with her.

RhiWrites · 14/12/2017 09:28

If she doesn’t want to be called a racist she should inflict her racist opinions on people.

RhiWrites · 14/12/2017 09:29

*shouldn’t

Sarahjconnor · 14/12/2017 09:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YellowFlower201 · 14/12/2017 09:31

YANBU. What did the other friends do. She's a nut job if she thinks saying that is not racist.

Allthebestnamesareused · 14/12/2017 09:32

No you're not.

As for the other group members passing on the fact she wants an apology I assumed they also commented that she was in the wrong! If not, and they are expecting you to apologise then I'd bin them off too!

aintnothinbutagstring · 14/12/2017 09:33

YANBU, I'd tell her and your other friends she'll be waiting a long time if she wants an apology and that you stand by what you said. What makes people think its ok to air their racist views, I for one am sick of hearing them from colleagues and they think everyone thinks the same as them, idiots.

AristotlesTrousers · 14/12/2017 09:36

Goodness, no YANBU. Absolutely not. You did the right thing.

Creatureofthenight · 14/12/2017 09:38

If she doesn't want to be called a racist she shouldn't be a racist. Absolutely do not give any ground over this.

Jenala · 14/12/2017 09:38

If thats really what she said, that directly, then of course yanbu.

If the discussion was a bit more nuanced and she was trying to make some other points that you took to mean what you say above then maybe yabu.

I can't really think what positive things anyone could say about Trump but you see it online all the time, people trying to make a valid point about someone/something and being shouted down immediately and being told they are xenophobic or something. For example there's fairly good arguments for the US to have an immigration policy that's more like the Canadian one, with points assigned based on skills etc rather than the focus on family reunification. But to say that can appear to be in agreement with Trump and can have you shouted down as a hateful racist bigot immediately.

RestingGrinchFace · 14/12/2017 09:40

YANBU for calling her a racist, the crime comment was racist.

Nicolamarlow1 · 14/12/2017 09:40

Yanbu. What a hateful thing to say! I would have been just as furious, and how dare she air her racist views when she is in company with you? Racist, insensitive, utterly indefensible.

Jenala · 14/12/2017 09:42

Before anyone jumps down my throat let me clarify again that if the conversation is just as op said then there are no excuses and op is clearly in the right. But having seen the authoritarian nature on the left st the moment you can't always be sure. It seems spectacularly insane to talk like that especially in a group of people with diverse backgrounds.

nellieellie · 14/12/2017 09:42

“People should stick to their own people and stay in their own countries”. If that ISNT racist, then Im not sure what is. Not that it’s exactly the point, but it’s a direct personal attack on you too as a mixed race person. Good for you for walking out, and shame on your friends for reinforcing her racism. If she is “deeply hurt” you called her a racist, then she should stop being one.

HuskyMcClusky · 14/12/2017 09:42

You need to ask? Really??

mamamalt · 14/12/2017 09:44

Wait. There is someone on here today upset she was called a racist c*nt by a colleague... weird.

mamamalt · 14/12/2017 09:45

Colleague/friend at work called me a racist cunthttp://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/3112476-Colleague-friend-at-work-called-me-a-racist-cunt

Original poster
spiritofadventure · 14/12/2017 09:45

That is exactly what she said.

I can respect other people's opinions, even if I disagree with them, if they are put forward intelligently and are based on fact.

But I have no time for small minded people with ignorant opinions that are based on nothing more than what they read in the tabloids.

I am absolutely not going to apologise.

OP posts:
Original poster
spiritofadventure · 14/12/2017 09:47

Haha! That other thread wasn't started by my friend 😂

OP posts:
KimmySchmidt1 · 14/12/2017 09:48

She is an ignorant racist. How can you even consider being friends with her?

YellowFlower201 · 14/12/2017 09:48

Good for you OP! Tell your friends you're deeply hurt by what she said and look forward to receiving her apology. Job done!

chickenowner · 14/12/2017 09:48

Report back to your mutual friends that you are 'deeply hurt' and would like her to apologise to you for saying racist things.

chickenowner · 14/12/2017 09:48

Cross post yellowflower !

NK493efc93X1277dd3d6d4 · 14/12/2017 09:51

Live & let live? Just because opinions differ does it really mean that you can never be friendly towards her again?
Am rather sick of this only one view is allowed society. You don't have to agree with her or even discuss it.

Original poster
spiritofadventure · 14/12/2017 09:51

I have just had a message from one of our friends saying...

' x is really upset with you and is livid that you called her a racist in front of everyone. She just messaged me saying how can she be a racist when she is friends with you?'

Ffs.

OP posts:
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