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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF friend or AIBU?

990 replies

SilverBirchTree · 07/12/2017 00:31

We recently cleared out a family attic and found an antique object that is associated with a profession (think fireman's helmet/doctor's bag/judge's gavel etc). We looked it up online and saw they sell on eBay for between £150-350.

A friend of mine's FIL is retired from this profession and his hobby is researching its history. He has even self published books about it. He is a lovely man who I see about twice a year. He lost his wife a few months ago so he has been in my recent thoughts.

It is such a marvellous object (beautiful with history and craftsmanship) we decided we'd rather see it go to someone who would appreciate it, rather than sell it.

I asked my friend if her FIL would enjoy it. She responded that he would love it. When I dropped it off at her house, she and her husband said something about wrapping it up and making it their Christmas gift to their FIL. I was Hmm because it wasn't really from them, but whatever.

Today I saw on Facebook that she has put the object for sale online. Shock I messaged her a screen shot of the ad with the message '???' She wrote back 'hey, u gave it to us! I'm going to use the money to buy everyone a Chrissy present, not just [FIL]. We showed it to him and he enjoyed looking at it and taking snaps. Time for someone else to enjoy! :)'

I am so annoyed! She's correct that I gave it away- but I didn't give it to her to sell!! I feel like demanding that she either return the object to me or at least give me the money from the sale.

She's a good friend otherwise, but the kind of person who is always hunting for a bargain or a freebie. It was fun at uni but getting a bit tiresome today!!!

AIBU or is my friend a PITA?!

OP posts:
Tiredmumno1 · 08/12/2017 12:32

Also, have you thought of the possibility that someone could contact her privately and offer her a fair amount to end the listing early, then what would you do? I am sure that can happen? Does anyone else know? Happy to be corrected Smile.

If that is the case then she can end that listing and sell it at any time, then you will have missed your opportunity if that happens.

DavidBowiesNumber1 · 08/12/2017 12:33

OP with all due respect, please GROW A PAIR!!
This CF has absolutely NO INTENTION of removing YOUR mystery item from Ebay until it's sold. Probably very soon.
You are ENABLING her Cheeky Fuckery by doing nothing more than sending a few softly worded messages. You need to be HARD, BLUNT and possibly downright RUDE to get it into her head that YOU MEAN BUSINESS!
Tell her that she must bring the object to you IMMEDIATELY or you will take this further. And then DO IT fgs!!
Maybe the money means nothing to you.
Maybe you can't be arsed because of your baby.
Maybe you still think she is your friend.
She still NEEDS TO BE STOPPED!!!!!!

DrKrogersfavouritepatient · 08/12/2017 12:36

Outrageous! She is a cheeky fucker and no friend of yours

AhNowTed · 08/12/2017 12:36

Honestly calls to contact eBay are fruitless anyway as the item hasn't been 'stolen'.

But yes OP needs her big girl pants on and retrieve the item tout suite.

Apart from the cheeky fuckery that followed, I cannot imagine for one second accepting a gift meant for my father, and then wrapping it up as though from me. That alone is the height of CF.

Hissy · 08/12/2017 12:37

Good god! some people - she was willing to wrap it up and pass it off as her gift to FIL too...

Get the thing back

Tiredmumno1 · 08/12/2017 12:37

With friends like that who needs enemies.

Blink66 · 08/12/2017 12:37

Very poor form, but you gave it away - and once you did that he can give it to her, and shell can sell it.

Nannyplumssillyoldelf · 08/12/2017 12:38

I hope you get your item back from the cf.

LondonLassInTheCountry · 08/12/2017 12:39

PUT THE LINK HERE SO WE CAN BID ON IT. PLEASE

sumofparts · 08/12/2017 12:39

Have you cancelled the cheque yet?

iggleypiggly · 08/12/2017 12:41

I want to bid!! I reckon I could get it up to at least 100k! Smile

Tiredmumno1 · 08/12/2017 12:41

The OP didn't give it to her though did she? She asked her to pass it along which never happened.

So if someone gave me £20 to pass on to someone else as a favour and I kept it, then it wouldn't be theft? Of course it would, she has kept it with dishonest intentions.

DavidBowiesNumber1 · 08/12/2017 12:43

Blink66

you gave it away - and once you did that he can give it to her, and shell can sell it.

RTWT!!

OP was gifting it to CH's FIL via CF but CF never even showed it to FIL once she realised it's potential value. The CF decided to keep it for herself and cash-in on OP's kind hearted gesture.

Do you think that's acceptable??

Puzzledandpissedoff · 08/12/2017 12:45

FOR PITY'S SAKE GET ON TO EBAY AS THE PP OUTLINED!!!!!!!!!!

Apologies for "shouting" online, and I don't mean this as badly as it probably sounds, but honestly OP ... are you always this passive??

MurmmersShow · 08/12/2017 12:46

OP!! A SELLER CAN STILL TAKE DOWN A LISTING EVEN WITH IT HAVING BIDS.
DO NOT COUNT ON THE FACT THE AUCTION HAS TIME STILL BECAUSE A SELLER CAN BE CONTACTED PRIVATELY WITH AN OFFER FROM A BIDDER THAT IS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE.
IF THAT HAPPENS, SEE MY FIRST POINT. THE LISTING ABSOLUTELY CAN BE TAKEN DOWN.

deste · 08/12/2017 12:46

I would get it back and keep it, if her FIL gets it she will wait till he passes on anyway and sell it then.

Best get it back now.

Mamadothehump · 08/12/2017 12:46

Why, oh why are you being so nice?? March round their and get YOUR belongings back!! Pleeeeaaaase!!!!!

AhNowTed · 08/12/2017 12:47

To quote the JJ.. no good deed goes unpunished.

Cheeky greedy dishonest fuckers everywhere

Mamadothehump · 08/12/2017 12:47

there - see how angry I am???!!!

Tinselistacky · 08/12/2017 12:55

Op it's nearly the week end - get the thing back or my plans for decorating will be scuppered as I will be on mn awaiting update!!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 08/12/2017 12:55

DO NOT COUNT ON THE FACT THE AUCTION HAS TIME STILL BECAUSE A SELLER CAN BE CONTACTED PRIVATELY WITH AN OFFER FROM A BIDDER THAT IS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE.
IF THAT HAPPENS, SEE MY FIRST POINT. THE LISTING ABSOLUTELY CAN BE TAKEN DOWN

Actually, that suggests a possibility. I wonder if OP knows anyone with an ebay account who could contact the CF. offer a really crazy amount and arrange to pick it up ... but then walk out of the house with it (without paying) and inform her they're on their way to the police

I admit it's what I'd try to do, but I can't help thinking OP would consider that "unfair" to her in some way Confused

LondonLassInTheCountry · 08/12/2017 12:59

Let us bid! Let us bid!

Zoomaa · 08/12/2017 13:00

At least DHCF seems on side... did you get a timescale for when you might get it back?

astoundedgoat · 08/12/2017 13:00

So is your DH going to text his friend this morning to arrange a time to collect it?

Louiselouie0890 · 08/12/2017 13:01

I'm invested