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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF friend or AIBU?

990 replies

SilverBirchTree · 07/12/2017 00:31

We recently cleared out a family attic and found an antique object that is associated with a profession (think fireman's helmet/doctor's bag/judge's gavel etc). We looked it up online and saw they sell on eBay for between £150-350.

A friend of mine's FIL is retired from this profession and his hobby is researching its history. He has even self published books about it. He is a lovely man who I see about twice a year. He lost his wife a few months ago so he has been in my recent thoughts.

It is such a marvellous object (beautiful with history and craftsmanship) we decided we'd rather see it go to someone who would appreciate it, rather than sell it.

I asked my friend if her FIL would enjoy it. She responded that he would love it. When I dropped it off at her house, she and her husband said something about wrapping it up and making it their Christmas gift to their FIL. I was Hmm because it wasn't really from them, but whatever.

Today I saw on Facebook that she has put the object for sale online. Shock I messaged her a screen shot of the ad with the message '???' She wrote back 'hey, u gave it to us! I'm going to use the money to buy everyone a Chrissy present, not just [FIL]. We showed it to him and he enjoyed looking at it and taking snaps. Time for someone else to enjoy! :)'

I am so annoyed! She's correct that I gave it away- but I didn't give it to her to sell!! I feel like demanding that she either return the object to me or at least give me the money from the sale.

She's a good friend otherwise, but the kind of person who is always hunting for a bargain or a freebie. It was fun at uni but getting a bit tiresome today!!!

AIBU or is my friend a PITA?!

OP posts:
MrsKoala · 08/12/2017 12:09

Yeah, the dh doesn’t sound that moral either. Probably happy to go along with her to get the freebies and still roll his eyes and feel distanced.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 08/12/2017 12:12

Hhhmmmm the husband even said they were wrapping it though so he was totally with her in claiming it was from both of them for Christmas, there is a streak of cheeky sneaky fucker in the husband too, only he was happy to throw his wife under the bus as his neck isn't quite as brass as hers

runsmidgeOMG · 08/12/2017 12:12

I would message her again and say you're incredibly disappointed in how she's tried to sell something that's not rightfully hers, she's lied and said FIL has seen the item whilst in fact he doesn't know it exists. Tell her how much she has hurt and upset you and say if you do not receive the item back you will have no choice but to involve the police. Whether or not it was found in a dusty attic is irrelevant... it was not hers to gift or to sell.

You will be made out to be the enemy, but who cares ? She's shown how much she thinks of you sadly Thanks

CrypticClues · 08/12/2017 12:12

"I know she's made her husband 'propose' in restaurants and such to get free champagne etc."

Lurking, perhaps you are right and I misread - it was the commas around 'propose' that made me think that.

lurkingnotlurking · 08/12/2017 12:13

They're a right pair

Deedee248 · 08/12/2017 12:14

If you go to the ebay page where the item is listed, halfway down on the right, near 'description' and 'postage', there is something which says 'report this item'. If you click on this, you should be able to report it.

Youllneverlivelikecommonpeople · 08/12/2017 12:14

What did she say to your message saying that your DH was coming round to get the thing and that you'd get in touch with Ebay about the misunderstanding?
Also, if you left it that your DH was coming round after work to get the thing and he hasn't, it would be no great leap for her (given her utter CFery) to take this as permission for her to keep the item and proceed with the Ebay listing.
Please can you or your DH just go and get it and put us all out of our misery! And tell us what she says. And what you envisage your friendship being after all this this. We would love to know all of this!

Original poster
SilverBirchTree · 08/12/2017 12:16

I honestly think she doesn't get why it might be nicer to give the object away than to sell it. From what DH said, that whole reasoning does not compute.

Ok, I am honestly thinking about reporting to eBay. The listing doesn't close tonight so I have some time.

DH seems to think DH of CF will retrieve the item for us, but (as people have obviously picked up on) he's not exactly a squeeky clean person himself...Hmm

OP posts:
IslingtonLou · 08/12/2017 12:16

Just go over and get it, he’s her husband so it would only take one conversation for him to take her side and keep it, or even forget about it

IslingtonLou · 08/12/2017 12:17

Also report it now as eBay have to look into it and agree that it’s violating their terms before they remove anything

B0033 · 08/12/2017 12:19

cancel the cheque

Contact eBay, OP!

Dadstheworld · 08/12/2017 12:19

The auction is still up, She'll say she is obliged to sell it . You will not see this object ever again.

Howsthings1234 · 08/12/2017 12:20

I can't get over the cheekiness of this person!!! Unbelievable! At least her husband was embarrassed and will Hopefully sort it out.

She needs to give you the item back or the money from the sale. Crazy!!!!!

Good luck!!!

Original poster
SilverBirchTree · 08/12/2017 12:20

@lurking and @cryptic yes multiple fake proposals because the restaurants often give them free stuff. She thinks it's hilarious.

OP posts:
Tiredmumno1 · 08/12/2017 12:22

If you really don't think you could report her for it, then just threaten her with it for the moment and hopefully that'll be enough for her to hand it back.

If it was me I would be sending that message now to her, this is getting ridiculous, it's been going on far too long. Get your bloody object back and stop letting the cheeky fuckwit walk all over you and stop her calling the shots.

Can't stand people like her. Then tell her to do one and never talk to you again, she deserves no niceties at all.

AnnetteCurtains · 08/12/2017 12:22

have you reported it yet ???

Aeroflotgirl · 08/12/2017 12:23

You need to report that to e bay now op! You better get on that phone PDQ or you might never see the item again.

applesandpears33 · 08/12/2017 12:24

Please report it to ebay. They may suspend the listing while they investigate. Then go round to their house tonight to demand the item back at a time when her DH is there, so that you can both put pressure on her to hand the item over. It doesn't matter if it blows your friendship apart, it sounds as though you'll never really like or trust her again anyway.

Fishface77 · 08/12/2017 12:24

I'm overly invested in this thread but also finding it tedious that op doesn't report it to eBay or go and get the item back now the (shady) DH knows about it.
I also want to fly to Australia and go and gt it for her. So if any mumsnet tees want to chip in for me ticket pls do.

RhiannonOHara · 08/12/2017 12:25

DH seems to think DH of CF will retrieve the item for us

Really wouldn't count on that.

JaneEyre70 · 08/12/2017 12:25

OP she gets it perfectly. You are being very naive. She knows she can get away with it, so she's carrying on. She will sell the item, make good money and share her good fortune with you by telling you all about it and showing you what she buys with the proceeds. She may be many things but stupid isn't one of them.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 08/12/2017 12:26

It’s clear she’s bot planning on giving it back. What are you waiting for, OP? At least report it to eBay.

Aeroflotgirl · 08/12/2017 12:28

I would also report it to the Police as stolen, it was not meant for her, but grandad, and she should have passed it onto him, or given it back to you. she is a nasty piece of work, and has really showed her true colours, friends mean nothing to her, only what she can get, not a nice person at all.

CoffeeWithMyOxygen · 08/12/2017 12:29

The DH returning it and contacting eBay aren’t mutually exclusive, OP - both should happen. In fact if you get the listing taken down it might finally get it into her thick skull that she isn’t going to get her own way on this. Report her now

YetAnotherSpartacus · 08/12/2017 12:29

Contact Ebay. Don't wait. Get the item back and then discard the friendship. I think it is also worth reporting to the police. You didn't give the item to her. You gave it to her to give to someone else. Surely that's theft?